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BioShock 2 Website Launches, Confuses

What does this bit do? YOU HAVE TO GUESS!

At long last there’s finally a proper website for BioShock 2. Goodness knows what was going on before – some combination of an ARG no one I knew was playing and various mysterious bits and pieces of confusing information (some of which kept getting posted through my front door, which started off weird and became junk mail). Now it’s got its own site and… oh good heavens, it’s a mess. A volcanic explosion of Flash, there’s enormous streams of nonsense lava to aimlessly click on without understanding why, occasionally stumbling on a trailer or a plastic lady shouting “tits up!” Hit the menu button top right and you’ll get – a screen full of scribbled words. These will at least lead you toward vague information on the game, some screenshots and videos, and a…

That’s the gap left where going to the Videos page crashed Firefox. Get it to load and you can watch the five trailers released so far, but sadly nothing new. Oh, and for a special treat, turn sounds off on the site and it’ll kill the music, the swishy noises and the sound of water, but the blinking, fizzing light on the floor? That’s still going in the background now. So I’m starting a campaign:

Game publishers. It’s over. The competition you started with each other to see who could spend the most money on building the most elaborate, complicated, noisy and cluttered website – you all won. Equal first place. There’s a trophy for each of you. So now can we got back to a website, as pretty as you wish to make it, that has some nice clear buttons on it that let us see “news”, “screenshots”, “videos”, that sort of thing, without having to watch an elaborately animated counter show us what percentage of itself it has loaded before going on a bloody rollercoaster ride that eventually dumps us, heaving with motion sickness, on a page that flickers, bleeps and swooshes with every microscopic movement of the mouse when we just sodding well want to look at a screenshot.

I’m sure the BioShock 2 website must have cost a fortune, but what I’d give for something practical.

PS. Here’s a new bit of footage that’s appeared on Game Trailers that I’m fairly convinced can’t be official. Not only because it’s so bizarrely edited (my inner monologue: Oh thank goodness, a trailer for BioShock 2 that isn’t an insane confusion of noisy mess, but rather a quiet corrido… oh,”) but because of the lack of 2K logos on the front and back. Still, it shows off the electrobolt:

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John Walker


Once one of the original co-founders of Rock Paper Shotgun, they killed me out of jealousy. I now run

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