I Will Make The Parrot: Contribute TF2 Items

For many years, I have had a fantasy. My fantasy involves the Team Fortress 2 Spy, with a deformed parrot perched on his shoulder. Who could resist such a thing? A mustachioed bigamist, that’s who, and they should be shunned. But I’ve tried to forget about it, knowing it could never be. Except now, news reaches me – via blues via the TF2 blog – that Valve are now accepting submissions for in-game items and avatars from human beings who are not Valve software. Perhaps those high from the success of Rock Paper Shotgunity will join me? Perhaps, but I don’t care. I am making a parrot. I will make the parrot.


  1. nabeel says:

    Mechanical parrot? DO IT.

  2. Vague-rant says:

    I’ve been wondering how the trading/crafting system would ever be useful with only a very limited number of items left available… Hopefully the influx from this will be enough to make the above worthwhile. (the quality of said new items is as always a concern but I guess TF2 is Valves baby; they’re going to be careful with what they stuff into it.)

    On a completely unrelated note I just though of a pun, so I’m going to post it here otherwise I’ll forget
    Avatar was a film of Titanic length.

  3. vornn says:

    oh yes! make it! make it now!

    one question, what will it do? other than look really cool?

    : )

  4. Orta says:

    In my mind I like seeing TF2 as the king of VALVe’s hill, always getting new shiny toys. This is great. I am Excited.

  5. Doctor Doc says:

    Awesome idea, really. Make that parrot!

  6. sana says:

    Worrying idea. Does this mean some day people might have to pre-cache 16384 custom hat/weapon models when loading a map? After all you wouldn’t like to freeze for a second in the middle of a game to load custom models used by a player who just joined..

    • Cabbs says:

      It seems these submitted and vetted items are being added to the game, so everyone will have the content downloaded as part of tf2 itself. I wonder how many they’ll accept on a weekly/monthly basis.

    • Cabbs says:

      aaaahhhh curse, i misread your post. If only I knew anything about how tf2/source loads content.

    • Theory says:

      I expect TF2 will start to precache hats and weapons through the same process as player sprays.

  7. Theory says:

    If you don’t own any expensive modelling software, Blender can export to Source.

    • Spectre-7 says:

      It’s even easier than that. They’re accepting any of the following formats: .QL, .OBJ, .DMX, .SMD or .MT

      Since OBJ is in the list, you should be able to export from pretty much any modeling software, Blender included.

  8. A Dry Erase Board says:

    This should be boycotted, VALVe has basically said “we don’t need to do our jobs anymore now you guys do it for free for us”.

    Pathetic, Robin Walker should be ashamed of himself and Mr. Newell should apologize to all of us for this atrocious and unprofessional behavior. And to think I thought Left 4 Dead 2 was bad, but that pales in comparison to this latest VALVe atrocity.

    Makes me sad to think this is what the industry has become.

  9. Jahkaivah says:

    Heavy wearing monocle.


  10. Tei says:

    – a 4 floor hat (a hat made of 4 invidual hat’s)
    – a crab, parrots are soo 2009, everyone sould have a big crap perched on his shoulder.
    – a lightlamp
    – “vote for me president of the internets” (or this is too meta?)
    – anime-ish soulderpads
    – a pirate flag
    – a enormeous blade on the back
    – …

    • AndrewC says:

      See: the real question is which one was the mis-spelling?

    • sana says:

      The way you people keep stalking every one of Tei’s posts with weird remarks is getting pretty creepy, you know that?

    • robrob says:

      @sana: if loving tei is wrong, I do not want to be right.

    • Psychopomp says:


      He’s our half-mad, incoherent, gaming messiah

    • AndrewC says:

      Tei is best.

    • Man Raised By Puffins says:


    • Yargh says:

      as custom objects on a private server I’ve arelady seen the stack of hats, a warhammer space marine style shoulderpad for the soldier and most recently a glowing monocle on the demoman. This could turn out well.

  11. jd says:

    You may have trouble putting the parrot on the shoulder. If the hats are attached to the character model’s head bone, any mesh offset to sit on the shoulder would fly-around in space when the head turned.

    An erratic parrot-satellite.

    • Theory says:

      The soldier’s medal attached to his breast. I guess you can specify which bone to attach to.

    • ZomBuster says:

      You can attach things to any bone.

      You could for example, even make a fully armoured suit or something.

    • sana says:

      remember the Gunboats?

      various cloaks, and even entire armor sets are available as hat replacements on FPSBanana and other fps skin/model sites. this isn’t a problem.

    • Psychopomp says:

      “An erratic parrot-satellite.”

      I’m okay with this!

    • 12kill4 says:

      certainly better than an ‘Erotic Parrot Satelite’… or is it?

  12. Nakki says:

    A good idea from Valve. Pretty much win-win really. People will do stuff for fun and they’ll add the best content to their game without having to do it by themselves.

  13. Chaz says:

    Wouldn’t the parrot be a bit of a give away that you’re a spy, or would the parrot also be a master of disguise?

    • EthZee says:

      In that case, when the Spy was disguised, would players on the same team see the Spy wearing a mask, which a parrot sat on his shoulder also wearing a mask?

    • sinister agent says:

      I just had to comment on this. If Ethzee’s bit comes up in the game, I will wee a little bit.

    • Rinox says:

      Yes, I think I just felt brief happiness upon reading that. It is…strange.

  14. jd says:

    Ah brilliant. I stand corrected.

    Parrots on all limbs!

  15. Darkflight says:

    The correct answer to what people who can model shall craft for me is obviously Lockheed from the X-men floating beside my shoulder breathing fire when I am ubered. City of Heroes denied me an awesome shoulder dragon, don’t let me down modellers.

  16. sinister agent says:

    A set of earmuffs that automatically mutes everyone, please.

    • Mad Doc MacRae says:

      You can turn off mic audio in the options.

    • Noc says:

      Yeah, but then,

      a) you wouldn’t get a sweet set of earmuffs, and
      b) it would not be obvious to everyone you meet that you’re ignoring them. It’s not enough to turn the audio off, you need to have the (stylish) equivalent of plugging your fingers in your ears and running around shouting “LALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LALALALA.”

  17. Arca says:

    That parrot looks more like a penguin, you know.

  18. The Pink Ninja says:

    I’m still waiting for the four way maps with the green and Yellow teams

    • Malibu Stacey says:

      Played some of them in TFC. They were crap then & I suspect they’ll be equally crap now. FPS games don’t work with more than 2 teams.

  19. Brulleks says:

    I thought it was a spider standing on its rear legs and pointing at itself at first

    • 12kill4 says:

      sorry about the massive link… i guess i didnt close that properly…

  20. ignorant says:

    The question is, where do those who don’t know how to create TF2 items learn such things?

  21. DanPryce says:

    Hitler ‘stache on Medic. That is all I want.

  22. Carra says:

    A parrot?

    I’ll make a hawk for the scout!