You And Whose Army? Oh: C: Medieval


Now, I was considering posting about this when it was released as part of the Experimental Gameplay project. I didn’t. Then creator Alex Austin mailed us, and I’ve decided to. Is it because it’s a 100-person online (with up to 4 people on a PC) melee slaughterfest with a crest-designer? Partially. But mainly because the site’s story section says, in terms of motivation for the bloodbath, “The other team killed your wife.” Oh no! Our wives. You can get C: Medieval from here and then go play. There’s a server up right now, but it’s empty. I figure RPS can bum-rush it and try it out. I don’t know what bum-rush means. I got it from the Public Enemy album. Man! Footage follows…

(Note: I do know what Bum Rush means.)


  1. StalinsGhost says:


    “The other team killed your wife”.

    I’m in.

    • StalinsGhost says:

      This is the most fun I’ve had all morning.


      EDIT: EARL! Fear me and my chain mail powah!

      Edit 2: DUKE!

    • Glenn says:

      Not my wife!

      Well we shall have to do something about this, then. Downloading now.

  2. the wiseass says:

    Wait, isn’t that the soundtrack from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

    • StarDrowned says:

      It most definitely is.

    • AndrewC says:

      Soundtrack nerdery: Holy Grail’s soundtrack was made up of stock music cues rather than an original score anyway, so there’s every chance the music can be heard all over the place. You could probably licence the use of it yourself for very little monies.

      The theme music for Flying Circus was a standard military march called The Liberty Bell, which was often used unironically during actual military marches in South America, where they weren’t familiar with Monty Python, which created quite the cognitive dissonance for those who were familiar with it, though I imagine laughing in those situations was inadvisable.

      Moral: I wish I could play games at work.

    • the wiseass says:

      AndrewC: Many Thanks for this completely useless, yet most interesting piece of information :)

    • MadMatty says:

      haha i just watched Holy Grail again yesterday- must be interterrestial beams connecting to the hive mind that really controls earth.
      As for the game: can you only play Cartman?

  3. CMaster says:

    Doesn’t work from within Uni.
    Will try when I get home.

  4. Lilliput King says:

    Someone switch team, us Yellows are getting owned here

    EDIT: I see you thar Stalin

  5. Dreamhacker says:

    Shouldn’t the syntax be C:\Medieval?

  6. Jon says:

    Who was that cowardly king?
    Running away all the time… honestly, a terrible example to set the troops.
    Red Diagonal Squares on Yellow Background here, by the way. Wish this game had a chat function.

  7. Lilliput King says:

    Pink Hearts on a white shield here, just got my leather.

  8. StalinsGhost says:

    That would be I!

    The kingdom would fall apart without my guiding hand.

  9. duel says:

    I’ve been playing this compulsively, mostly on my own, for about a week now.

    it’s pretty hard, theres definatly a nack to it. I’ve only ever been King once…

  10. StalinsGhost says:

    The real trick is not to die. Losing all your stuff leaves you in the bottom tier.

  11. Lilliput King says:

    Bit silly, though, because it means it’s impossible to rank up on a losing team, so the losing team will keep losing.

  12. Lilliput King says:

    Ah ha!

  13. StalinsGhost says:

    And with a tasty 3000 gold to my name, it is time to return to my kingdom. Something about a revolt over poll tax…

  14. JohnG says:

    Playing it now.. thoguh it’s massively unbalanced.. there’s a guy on yellow with a one hit kill weapon. There’s no way to earn money if you die every single round in one hit.

    • JohnG says:

      Awww, we had a good fight going on, both sides had kings so that they couldn’t keep swapping… and then the old kink rage-quit because he started to actually lose. Oh, and I was the other king, red shield, two headed black snake motif.

    • Kalkyrie says:

      If that was me (white cross on black), I quit because ‘5 minutes’ had turned into an hour, and I needed to sleep.
      Though it might not have been, due to me constantly losing for about 10 goes. Still fun playing ‘dodge the mob’ when you are out-numbered though. Needs Benny Hill music.

  15. Sparvy says:

    Nerf Kings!

  16. StalinsGhost says:

    The problem isn’t with Kings per-se. It’s when one team has a King, and the other doesn’t.

  17. Rob says:

    This game made me a republican

  18. Jacques says:

    The blood splatter reminds me of the Myth games.

  19. Dreamhacker says:

    Wuh? I thought C=12… I’ll go turn in my math-creds.

    • Rich says:

      ‘C’ the Roman numeral.

      Our lines falter, my baron tries to get away, and is swamped by 8 or so peasants. Wish it only dropped down one rank with every death. I could handle being a knight again.

  20. JuJuCam says:

    Hmm had a very triumphant yellow team going under me as king until one of my dukes turned coat and slaughtered us. I can’t blame him, I wasn’t very good and basically managed to rank up to king almost all the way by virtue of luck and cowardace and having the funds available when the old king died. Our winning streak was maintained by hunting down human players so they wouldn’t be able to rank up.

    The fifteen odd peasant bot scrum that finally did me in was quite breathtaking though.

  21. Redd says:

    I’ve not felt like smashing my keyboard up so much since I was ten.

  22. FhnuZoag says:

    This game really needs chat or something. Us peasants need to get together and focus on killing that King.

  23. Tom O'Bedlam says:

    hahaha who was the knight that just legged it with me?

    • Labbes says:

      Me, probably.

    • Tom O'Bedlam says:

      two lone yellows, sprinting away from a horde of bastards. epic.

    • Tom O'Bedlam says:

      I’m the crosshatched earl

    • Tom O'Bedlam says:

      glorious! i’ve not laughed at game so much in a while

    • Labbes says:

      I’m the Duke with the white cross…who just died. On blue.

    • Tom O'Bedlam says:

      its interesting that the game rewards you for cowardice. I ran away from most fights and now i’m the king :) Trying to just attack bots for the moment so the other team can get some high ranked people

    • Labbes says:

      I’d say it captures the spirit of medieval poltiics pretty well. I’m still in team blue, I just die all the time.

    • Tom O'Bedlam says:

      oho, topical satire :)

  24. Kelron says:

    It’s a shame most people only seem interested in joining the winning team to rack up as many points as possible.

    • Labbes says:

      That’s kind of the point of the game though. You want to become King, and to do that, you need to stay on the winning team for a while.

    • Tom O'Bedlam says:

      The best way to play is join the winning team then switch sides when you hit knight.

    • Labbes says:

      I’m a Duke, got 1000 gold, but there already are two Kings. Gah!

    • Kelron says:

      I’d prefer it if the rank element was removed. I’d rather see big fights between 2 teams of players than a team of high ranking players slaughtering peasants and bots.

  25. Fatrat says:

    Man, the yellow team are dominating… i wondered why i had lag then realised i had some torrents on. What’s everyone’s ping in the UK, because i doubt my 400+ms was an accurate representation but can’t stop these downloads at the moment (software for uni, legit of course).

  26. iamrawr says:

    If it didn’t lag as bad, it’d be sweet

  27. oreek says:

    How do you change your shield color?

    • Rich says:

      Change your coat of arms. The set of sliders on the right changes the colour on the side of the shield.

  28. Seeker says:

    Awesome still on the top of their tiny leaderboards with 4095 with two others but still shows me in first place. Just played again and got king at the expense of two kings that were really annoying to kill. Symbol = red box around two arrows pointing up

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