If there’s one guaranteed way to make young people learn about the importance of safe sex, it’s to make them answer an awful lot of questions about STDs, while a man with giant penises for hands bombards them with similarly giant sperm, which also bears the face of a shark. Canadian public information game Sex Squad is absolutely NSFW, but it is a) the best thing ever and b) the worst thing ever. Oh, internet – never grow up.
Will you play as Captain Condom, who by a freak accident is half man, half condom; the promiscuous yet obsessively hygienic Power Pap;militant virgin Wonder Vag (I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP) or Willy The Kid, who is a short man with large genitalia? Not quite sure where they’re going with that last one.
As a game, it’s just a tedious collection of yes/no questions. As a spectacle, it’s beyond words.
It’s a unique document of crudity, naivety and important advice about condom usage – I rather fear its creators were so busy amusing themselves by seeing how many sex gags public funding is prepared to cover that the educational element got kinda lost. Then again, it’s certainly memorable. Of course, it’s not really aimed at sensible (hah!) grown-ups (hah!) like us – but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a giggle. Again: NSFW. And sorry for making the word ‘penis’ appear in your RSS feed. I know it’s illegal to admit anyone has one of them.
16/02/2010 at 00:05 Transportdaemon says:
WTF? Do you get free std treatment if you win or something?
16/02/2010 at 00:08 SirKicksalot says:
The Gun is good! Penis is evil! etc, etc
16/02/2010 at 09:08 Demon Beaver says:
How about the penis gun?
16/02/2010 at 00:21 HermitUK says:
So how long before the Marvel film trilogy deal I wonder…
16/02/2010 at 00:24 Samuel Bigos says:
Damn I got one wrong.
16/02/2010 at 12:14 Auspex says:
I got one wrong too….
So do I really have to contact ALL my previous sexual partners?
16/02/2010 at 00:33 Nathan says:
I agree: this is the BEST THING EVER. Will anyone accept it for GOTY nominations?
16/02/2010 at 00:36 Bobic says:
It’s no half-life 2
16/02/2010 at 00:39 Kakksakkamaddafakka says:
“Arg, right in the face!”
Brilliant!
16/02/2010 at 00:40 Bhazor says:
It’s the fact it’s seemingly government funded thats the best thing ever. Also Wonder Vag.
Edit
Though the double think of “The most common symptom of an STI is to have no symptoms” comes close.
16/02/2010 at 07:27 medwards says:
That question was a cheap shot….
16/02/2010 at 00:46 Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:
Condom every bloody time? Getting tested after every sex or so? Dental “condoms” for oral sex?
Sweet Jesus on a stick, it sure sounds like a safe, but boring sex life…
16/02/2010 at 03:33 skizelo says:
You would make maybe the worst sex-ed guy.
16/02/2010 at 17:30 a says:
Not as bad as Hitler’s clown.
16/02/2010 at 00:49 Kakksakkamaddafakka says:
This is totally not helping the issue of kids gettings STD’s, though.
I mean, what this game is actually saying is that, if you have unprotected sex, your hands might actually turn into giant penises. Who wouldn’t want that?
16/02/2010 at 01:32 skinlo says:
I got every single question right! :D:D
16/02/2010 at 02:15 Scypher says:
I’m pretty amused by the Related Stories here.
16/02/2010 at 02:55 RawTheory says:
The game sucked and the jokes were lame. It was also pushin gov propaganda. So yeah…..total waste of time.
16/02/2010 at 05:21 Thants says:
You have a problem with government propaganda that people should use condoms? Who are you, the Pope?
16/02/2010 at 08:34 DJ Phantoon says:
I don’t think the Pope would say it was government propaganda.
And if the worst propaganda the Canadians can do is safe sex, then obviously they are a weak nation ripe for the invading.
They still have gold mines in addition to the lumber, right? I can’t build more footmen if they’re out of gold.
16/02/2010 at 03:12 bhlaab says:
BRB going to pick the young pretty teenage virgin by choice and get every question wrong on purpose
16/02/2010 at 03:35 we3bus says:
AAAARRRGH! Right in the face!
16/02/2010 at 04:20 Lemon scented apocalypse says:
Aarrrrgh! Thats sticky!
16/02/2010 at 07:57 Sagan says:
What do you say, I actually learned something. The morning after pill can be taken for up to three days after.
16/02/2010 at 08:32 SquareWheel says:
I got two wrong. One question was something along the lines of “Oral sex is safer because you can’t get pregnant”. I answered true, because the answer is right in the question. Apparently they meant safer from STIs, so I got it wrong.
16/02/2010 at 08:57 jsdn says:
Yet wouldn’t oral sex still be technically safer (lower probability) from STDs than intercourse anyway? These questions are shoddy.
16/02/2010 at 08:39 Inigo says:
Why is Strong Bad making games about STDs?
16/02/2010 at 08:40 deuterium. says:
Link broken for anyone else? I must experience the penishands!
16/02/2010 at 08:40 deuterium. says:
Nevermind, working now.
16/02/2010 at 09:00 Demon Beaver says:
Nice sound effects… hurrgh
16/02/2010 at 12:33 MadMatty says:
got one wrong also, the “does using a condom always help against STI´s” – i forgot that some STI´s spread thru skin contact, not only from the knob.
16/02/2010 at 12:34 MadMatty says:
but it certainly HELPS your chances.
17/02/2010 at 00:46 Daniel Klein says:
Even plain old STDs aren’t *always* caught by the condom. For instance, if your penis is the size of THAT MAN’S FOREARMS, the condom may fail.
16/02/2010 at 12:58 Latterman says:
The regarding Escapist’s Forum Thread is full of Canadians proclaiming how ashamed they are to be part of a nation that creates such wonderful abominations.
Pure joy.
17/02/2010 at 06:18 Neils says:
Absolutely. Positively. Fabulous.
17/02/2010 at 10:46 Daniel Klein says:
Coming soon: the Japanese version, where it goes in the face if you get the answer right, and where, if you get it wrong, the man diffidently apologizes for your inadequacy.