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Edward Penishands: Sex Squad

If there’s one guaranteed way to make young people learn about the importance of safe sex, it’s to make them answer an awful lot of questions about STDs, while a man with giant penises for hands bombards them with similarly giant sperm, which also bears the face of a shark. Canadian public information game Sex Squad is absolutely NSFW, but it is a) the best thing ever and b) the worst thing ever. Oh, internet – never grow up.

Will you play as Captain Condom, who by a freak accident is half man, half condom; the promiscuous yet obsessively hygienic Power Pap;militant virgin Wonder Vag (I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP) or Willy The Kid, who is a short man with large genitalia? Not quite sure where they’re going with that last one.

As a game, it’s just a tedious collection of yes/no questions. As a spectacle, it’s beyond words.

It’s a unique document of crudity, naivety and important advice about condom usage – I rather fear its creators were so busy amusing themselves by seeing how many sex gags public funding is prepared to cover that the educational element got kinda lost. Then again, it’s certainly memorable. Of course, it’s not really aimed at sensible (hah!) grown-ups (hah!) like us – but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a giggle. Again: NSFW. And sorry for making the word ‘penis’ appear in your RSS feed. I know it’s illegal to admit anyone has one of them.

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Alec Meer

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Ancient co-founder of RPS. Long gone. Now mostly writes for rather than about videogames.

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