A Self-Serving PC Gaming Wish-List

It’s my birthday. I want these things.

– A proper X-COM sequel – not one of those clunky unofficial ones or an open source remake.
– A Transformers MMO
– Dungeon Keeper 3
– The Half-Life 2 RTS to go full-blown
– Bioshock 1 recreated with Bioshock 2’s engine/combat systems (and a better ending, of course)
– The Elder Scrolls V, but even weirder than Morrowind and with no returning Oblivion writers or actors
– Eyezmaze, the guy behind the ever-charming Grow games, to step up to major development and make something huge, strange and spectacular
– King’s Bounty 2, with no recycled content
– Mass Effect 3, right now
– Steam’s offline mode to work perfectly
– Aliens Vs Predator Vs Harry Potter
– Some sort of hypno-therapy that makes me incredible at Starcraft 2 overnight
– To never see or hear the phrase “dumbed-down” again
– My two front teeth



  1. Wulf says:

    I hope you have a great Birthday, Alec! Just try not to remember that you’re one year older, that catches up with ya after a while.

    Furthermore, I can’t believe how much of that list I agree with.

    – A Transformers MMO: Especially if Beast Wars continuity is added. Yes. Very yes.

    – Dungeon Keeper 3: Overlord is sort of this, but it just isn’t as fun, and I’m sorry to a writer whom I actually like but the writing just isn’t there.

    – Bioshock 1 recreated with Bioshock 2’s engine/combat systems (and a better ending, of course): I would buy BioShock 2 for this. I honestly would.

    – The Elder Scrolls V, but even weirder than Morrowind and with no returning Oblivion writers or actors: I’d love for them to attempt some planes-based fun, as almost every roleplaying scenario seems to have planes. It’d be interesting to see them try to create planes which represent the cogs which make up the gestalt of conscious for all of those in the realms, and as a whole, for better or worse, serve as progression, innovation, creativity, and inspiration for all the sentient races.

    – Eyezmaze, the guy behind the ever-charming Grow games, to step up to major development and make something huge, strange and spectacular: I wonder if he knows how many people would be willing to pay him for such a thing?

    – Mass Effect 3, right now: Yes! With gay relationships! …okay, I’m dreaming, I know. But I can dream, can’t I?

    – Steam’s offline mode to work perfectly: I… can’t comment on this as it’s always worked perfectly for me, but I’m always incredibly lucky with computers, so much so that it baffles, confounds, and generally annoys other people.

    – Aliens Vs Predator Vs Harry Potter: Vs Fullmetal Alchemist! Okay, I’m riffing off a VGCats comic here, but I couldn’t resist. And I wanted to end the post on a high-note.

    • Lemon scented apocalypse says:

      The Elder Scrolls V:Plane scape.
      Actually scratch that : A1st person RPG set in the planescape universe with writing as good as the original mmmmmmmmmmm…………………….
      Failing that a Dark sun game
      Or a Rifts FPS
      Or more CTHULHU Goddammit!!!

    • Cynic says:

      @lemon scented apocalypse
      “Or a Rifts FPS”
      Jesus, me too. Failing that, I’d even play the RPG they released for the N-gage if I could find an emulator AND the rom.

  2. Steelfists says:

    Happy Birthday!

    I agree with your list. Mass Effect 2 especially. Battlefield 3 would also be awesome

    Its my birthday tomorrw! Yay!

  3. Out Reach says:

    but you don’t want cake?

    More for me and GLaDOS.

  4. armlesscorps says:

    happy birthday dude, and thanks for the last year of quality games journalism !

  5. Don says:

    >Steam’s offline mode to work perfectly

    Is it still broken? I saw a client patch the other day claiming to fix a problem with offline mode but wasn’t tempted to yank the cable just to test it. Maybe I’ll remember to try it next time I boot Windows.

    Anyway happy birthday dude. And apart from endorsing the HL Ep3/Portal 2 additions to the list I’ll add:

    A large scale historical strategy/battle game that looks as pretty as Empire: Total War but has some semblance of a brain operating on behalf of the AI components. Napoleon: Total War need not apply for this position if the reviews are anything to go by.

  6. Helm says:

    Happy birthday!

  7. Patton says:

    I would add Half-Life episode 3 to that list.
    2 years. 2 long excruciating years. And not even a screenshot. Or a trailer. Or a teaser. Or even a box art scan.
    Valve, stop dicking around and make the damn game already.

  8. Brian Rubin says:

    You forgot Freespace 3 on that list. ;)

  9. karthik says:

    – Mass Effect 3, right now
    – Steam’s offline mode to work perfectly

    Oh man!

  10. Steerpike says:

    You’re lucky you’re not near me, Alec, because I would kiss you right on the mouth for creating such a list. I too want all these things.

    Happy birthday!

  11. Dave says:

    Happy birthday :)

  12. Joel says:

    Yes please to an honest-to-goodness X-Com sequel. Why is this so hard for people to get right?

  13. Sp4rkR4t says:

    What, no miniature Giraffes trained to fetch beer from the fridge?


  14. bhlaab says:

    -For designers to stop making me use the phrase “dumbed down” ever again

  15. K.Boogle says:

    Happy B-day Alec!

  16. theleif says:

    I fully endorse your birthday, Mr. Meer.

  17. The Hammer says:

    Happy birthday, Alec!

  18. the wiseass says:

    “Dumbed Down”.
    Happy Burstday, old man.

  19. Miker says:

    Happy birthday, Alec! May your children be masculine, etc.

  20. abigbat says:


    Yes to Dungeon Keeper 3; the rest pale in comparison.

  21. Web Cole says:

    Happy Birthday!

  22. jonfitt says:

    Happy Birthday Alec, I hope you get everything you wished for.

  23. Mr. Versipellis says:

    Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, ESPECIALLY TES V!!!

  24. Mister Hands says:

    Happy birthday, sir!

  25. Bret says:

    All excellent sounding ideas.

    Happy birthday, then.

  26. Gunhover says:

    Happy birthday Alec, may death come swiftly to your enemies!

    As for Dungeon Keeper 3, you should change that to “Bullfrog being resurrected”, then you’ll get DK3 and save an awesome UK studio from Borg EA assimilation. Everyone’s a winner.

    Also, I have a warm and fuzzy feeling that we won’t have to wait too long for ME3…

  27. aa says:

    “The Elder Scrolls V, but even weirder than Morrowind and with no returning Oblivion writers or actors”

    Send this straight to Bethesda please !

    • WFL says:

      “The Elder Scrolls V, but even weirder than Morrowind and with no returning Oblivion writers or actors”

      Send this straight to Bethesda please !

      Plus, don’t kill off the high paid voice actor right off the bat this time.

  28. Miko says:

    I would give my left nut for Nippon Ichi to start porting their games to PC.

    Well, maybe not my left nut. But I’d happily pay €60 for a Disgaea 1+2+3 three-pack. Or just 2+3, since I’ve already played the first to death on the DS. How come consoles get all the awesome and fun strategy games and the PC just gets this po-faced hurry-up-and-wait real-time flarf?

    • Psychopomp says:


    • Vinraith says:


      Good god, yes, I’d snap up a Disgaea 3-pack for PC in an instant. Though I’d disagree that consoles get all the fun strategy games (and in fact beyond Ichi’s stuff don’t know what you’re talking about). Paradox, Creative Assembly (current problems aside), Kerberos, Stardock, and Firaxis (along with an assortment of great indies) are making a fine showing for non-RTS strategy on PC IMO.

  29. Miko says:

    ..but then, it’s not my birthday.

  30. wazups2x says:

    Most games nowadays are being dumbed down because of consoles. :)

  31. jsutcliffe says:


    True, but King’s Bounty made me long for more turn-based tactical RPGs on PC, which are in no short supply on consoles, especially the handhelds (Final Fantasy Tactics, Disgaea, Front Mission, etc). I find it surprising that it’s a game style that has not really found its feet on PC. Playing such games on the DS’s touch screen makes it obvious that a mouse would be an excellent input device for them.

    • Vinraith says:


      There IS a weird shortage of turn based tactical RPG’s on PC, no doubt. I’d love to see that trend turn around as well.

    • HermitUK says:

      Bonus points if whoever makes it nabs the mech customisation from Front Mission. Probably spent more time testing out builds in the training arena than I did on missions in FM3.

      Extra bonus points if they add online co-op campaign options.

  32. EaterOfCheese says:

    I’d like a ridiculously detailed and well-designed open world RPG with excellent dialogue (i.e., not oblivion), plot and drama, etc. Also, a nice cup of tea.

    • ulix says:

      Apparently Red Dead Redemption is going to have a few RPG like game mechanics, like a morality system. And its certainly going to have awesome dialogue and gritty (yet hilarious) drama.

      But then again, its only for consoles.

  33. Soobe says:

    I honestly think you guys in the UK have it bad when it comes to Steam and GFWL. I’ve never had the troubles you guys routinely mention–which means get off your buts Valve and Microsoft.

  34. Grey! says:

    Happy Birthday Alec,

    The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.

  35. destroy.all.monsters says:

    Happy birthday Alec – and many more.

    Also – Crazy Heart is an amazing movie. Don’t know if you’re in a movie mood Alec but it’s well worth your time. To give you an idea of where I’m coming from the last two movies I saw that I was really into were A Serious Man and Up in the Air.

  36. Davie says:

    That’s “kthxbai”. Happy birthday.

    I agree with you on TES5 too. Bethesda should announce it, at least.

  37. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    I’m a day late, I know, but I still wish to convey my congratulations to you, Alec.

    I hope you got some cake. Cake is good.

  38. Glove says:

    *blusters through the door, sweating and panting* w-huppuhburthday! *swings head around loosely, collapses*

  39. Aah! says:

    My wish-list:

    1) a game with fun gameplay that rewards creativity and intelligence and exploration and skill and curiosity and doesn’t just walk you through a series of pointless linear battle scenes strung together with an idiotic overcomplicated storyline narrated by glassy-eyed uncanny valley NPC action figures

  40. Elt says:

    Overlord? Overlord is nothing like Dungeon Keeper. You must be thinking of something else. The only game that’s ever been remotely similar to Dungeon Keeper is Evil Genius.

    That being said, add Evil Genius 2 to the wish list next to Dungeon Keeper 3.

  41. ulix says:

    I wish for…
    – A “real” System Shock 3.
    – Thief 4 & Deus Ex 3 not to suck balls.
    – Completely new animations in Fallout: New Vegas
    – The Dark Eye Demonicon not to suck.
    – Red Dead Redemption on PC (with the RAGE Engine actually being properly optimized this time)
    – GTA5 to be set (at least partly) outside the USA (US/Mexican border maybe?).
    – More games from Bioware
    – The Old Republic right now.

    • ulix says:

      And if I’m at it:
      – More games to use the Aurora Body-Physics engine that Rockstar used in GTA4 and uses in Red Dead Redemption. Because its awesome and fun as hell.

  42. LewieP says:

    Looks like Valve really do care:

    link to store.steampowered.com

    “Really fixed offline mode not always working”

  43. Rahul 'rimp' Nambiar says:

    @ulix ‘I wish for…- A “real” System Shock 3’


    EA own Shock IPR assets but Irrational/ TLG? are back!


  44. hulu downloader says:

    Looks more like Dune 2 to me. Though those are by no means Carryalls moving the reactors.