Dungeons And NoDragOn: 5 Minute MMORPG

I couldn't resist posting this picture, frankly.

Not only did the earlier post make me realise I’ve missed the release of Auntie Pixelante’s new game when I’m away – which I’ll post something about later – but visiting her site confronts me with a linkpost for this, from late last year. Which we don’t seem to haven’t written about. It’s the 5 Minute MMORPG, which tries to bundle all the core experience of that genre into that tiny span of space. But this leans far less to piss-taking and more to actually trying to make a game about hyper-concentrated leveling and even lag as a gameplay mechanic. Multiplayer too, so since I link to it, there should be a lot of RPSers BIFFING THE HELL OUT OF ONE ANOTHER. As is only right. Go play.


  1. HidesHisEyes says:

    What are the controls?

  2. Ian says:

    It’d have been neat if the controls screen hadn’t disappeared after 2 seconds and dumped me into a game.

    Will try again and hope to actually see the controls this time.

  3. Ian says:

    Ah, there we go. Arrows, A for attack and S for block.

    Great idea but, while I fully appreciate the point in it being there, the lag thing annoys me. Probably because I’m too stupid to judge my timing, to be fair.

    • Leonard Hatred says:

      nah it really is annoying.

      personally i dream of a day when rather than art, games are fun.

    • lhzr says:

      personally i dream of a day when mediocre people will learn to keep their “opinions” to themselves, instead of polluting the net for others by repeating the same tired crap until everyone with half a brain is bored to death.

    • Clovis says:

      Welcome to GameSpot Forums!

    • Ian says:

      @ lhzr: “Mediocre people”? Quote-marks around the word ‘opinions’? ABORT ABORT ABORT.

    • lhzr says:

      @Ian: sorry ’bout that, but i can’t stand the fun vs art discussion no more.

    • Leonard Hatred says:

      @ lhzr: Then ignore it and carry on with your life in blissful happiness, surely? Personally i find the ‘opinions’ of people fascinating, mediocre or otherwise. It’s largely why i read comments threads on the internet.

      Out of curiosity did you actually play 5 Minute MMORPG?

      Based on the minimal instructions they will be five confused and frustrating minutes, which is probably a little wide of the mark in terms of nailing the core appeal of MMOs. So what is the game trying to say?

      Online gaming experiences are not predominantly confused and frustrating (this comments thread notwithstanding) so presumably that’s not intentional, The lag feature is an amusing gag but i suspect it may be may be pushing the boundaries of what it’s actually saying to hypothesize on how your short-term planning should take server problems into account, and the hyper condensed leveling isn’t an accurate representation of that particular trad-mmo dynamic given the competition for finite resources.
      There is no meaningful interraction between players either, so whilst cooperation is an option, meaningful collaboration and premeditation are not. Plus It’s not really Massively multiplayer but that’s just nitpicking at this stage.

      So what does that leave, a multiplayer game that isn’t entertaining? perhaps that’s the point they’re making about MMOs. Bully for you if you like it though, or you’re reading some greater cleverness into some subtext i don’t see.

      Infact, why not be charitable to big old thickos like me and explain why i should be really excited about how awesome this game is?

    • lhzr says:

      @leonard: my point wasn’t that you should be excited about every game that tries to convey something (or at least claims to). actually the game didn’t start for me, i just got a black screen, so i can’t comment on it. i was talking about people dismissing games that aren’t fun to play while ignoring the fact that not all games need to have cool gameplay and that perhaps their creator didn’t actually feel the need to create a fun experience.
      sorry if i came off as a jerk.

    • Arathain says:

      @ Leonard: Your initial comment certainly wound me up, but I think your more lengthy explanation was fairly accurate. It’s a neat toy, but the MMO has so many cliched features worthy of puncturing, and all this has is levels, really. The lag thing is a vaguely interesting mechanic, but I’m somewhat hard-pressed to see it applying to real MMOs.

      It’s fun enough for a couple of rounds, but the name makes it out to be something it truly isn’t. It has a win state, for crying out loud.

    • TeeJay says:

      “actually the game didn’t start for me, i just got a black screen, so i can’t comment on it”


  4. Jonas says:

    Lag as a game mechanic turns out to be really annoying. Who’d have thought!? :P

  5. KingCathcart says:

    What! This is great! I’ve never won 2 rounds of a multiplayer game in a row. Yay me. Today I don’t suck.

  6. Ben Abraham says:

    Has all the RPS traffic killed this, or am I the only one having trouble getting it to do anything? I click play and all I get is a black screen an nothing more…

  7. StenL says:

    This is incredibly terrible. Sorry for the utterl non-constructive post, but this abomination of a game has left me unable to say anything else.

  8. Freudian Trip says:

    I rocked some peeps. Playing on a laggy connection on HON finally pays off.

  9. Gareth says:

    I thought it was a pretty clever little thing and fun for 5 minutes. Sums up many multiplayer games for me and my poor connection.

  10. Wulf says:

    That was utterly baffling, along with the appeal thereof! This is exactly how I feel about grind-mill fantasy MMORPGs! I suppose that makes it a success?

    • bill says:

      i figured that was the point. wasn’t it?

      It was my first and only attempt at an MMO, and it was just what i expected.

  11. Pod says:

    Q: Dude, 10 people does not count as “massively multiplayer.”

    Yes, we’re aware, but KOBNRMMO (kind-of-but-not-really massively multiplayer online) isn’t such a catchy acronym.

    Maybe they didn’t realise that non-massively “multiplayer” games exist?

    • Gutter says:

      But a “5 minutes Multiplayer game” just doesn’t ring the same.

  12. TeeJay says:

    No dedicated servers!


  13. ADamnFox says:

    This game is a metaphor for how humanity will eventually destroy itself or be destroyed by computers.

    Possibly while typing.

    “NowWithName” in the game…

    • yogSo says:

      I fully endorse this comment/product.

      Also, it is really addictive, if a bit simple.

    • Bret says:

      Or computers in the shape of humans!

      Furshluginner Cylons.

  14. TCM says:

    It’s something.

  15. Devenger says:

    Good bit of fun, but I think they perhaps went too simple – a multiplayer game with this much effort put into art, design, code, etc. should, I think, have more replay value.

    Making each game actually approach 5 minutes – perhaps less 1-hit kills, more ways to gain levels without PvP, I don’t know – as opposed to 45 seconds might help make the tactics seem worth considering (and maybe let the game adhere to the title more too). While an AFK guy can almost win the game, there’s something slightly lacking. And yes, I think it maybe misses the ‘point’ of MMOs a little too much to parody it, but never mind.

    • Wisq says:

      I don’t think PvP actually got you any levels anyway… It’s just the items. Which are hard as hell to collect while you’re still under the many-players lag effect.

    • Devenger says:

      Killing players scored you 3 levels a kill. Whilst not nearly as good as some items (crowns give you 7, if I remember correctly), it still adds up.

  16. Dave says:

    What a shit game, I spent 3 minutes waiting for a game, steered myself towarda nother player in slow motion, he exploded for no reason, then I exploded for no reason. Wait for another game? No chance.

  17. cs says:

    This game completely missed the boat. To be a good parody of an MMO (namely WoW), it needed to start you out at level 1 with crap gear and some guy gives you a quest to kill 10 rats. Some pointless escort quests would follow, plus some long quest chain that involves fed ex-ing a bundle back and forth. When bored, flag and start ganking noobs, preferably someone ten levels below you. When really bored and desperate, get four others to group with you and fight some boss in an instanced corridor in hopes of getting that one piece of über gear and then crying when the rogue ninjas your caster dagger.

    Set the game up to do all this and still get to level cap / endless raiding in five minutes, and you’d have a winning parody.

  18. Arathain says:

    It occurs to me that if you want a pretty good short encapsulation of the MMO thing the DOTA clones (League of Legends, Demigod, Heroes of Whateveritwas) do it quite well. Gain money and levels by farming critters, but watch for ganks! Late game is all team focused, and a very different mode of play than the early, levelling period. Getting the right gear makes all the difference.

    Still, the drawback is that there is an end state. I’m almost inclined to define an MMO as a large, player filled adventuring space with steady progression but no end state.

  19. JuJuCam says:

    I laughed out loud when myself and the other remaining human player managed to kill one another at the end in the second round I played. I decided there wasn’t anything more the game could show me and stopped playing. Not much more to say than that, besides the fact that the lag mechanism was problematic for me as I experienced actual lag anyway, and it just made it needlessly confusing.

  20. Berzee says:

    Waaaaaaat? I love this game so very much! I wish someone else was playing it besides me :(

    It’s cool — I like the lag effect :) It makes the first half of the game all strategery, and the second half all actiony.

    You’re a bunch of c4r3b34rz.