Why Games Are Important by Quintin age 7¼

i dont like this bit is scary


Uncle Kerion says I am NEVER TOO YOUNG to help with his work! I want to help uncle Kerion with work because I don’t like it when it is difficult to sleep because he is downstairs and being very loud and saying rude words about the TAX MAN, so I have written a story that he can put in his WORLD WIDE WEB SITE that will mean he has more money.

My name is Quintin Smith and I am 7 and a quarter years old and I think computer games are very important.

I think computer games are important because they have places which are not like where we live. For example I have the computer game 7TH GUEST and it is a scary game with ghosts, but I don’t think there are ghosts in real life. But I like ghosts, so I think it is sad that there are no ghosts and I think that it is nice that a computer game can show us what it would be like if there were ghosts. But I do not like the puzzles in 7TH GUEST because they are bad.

There are also the DIZZY games which I have three of. I have DIZZY: PRINCE OF THE YOLKFOLK and CRYSTAL KINGDOM DIZZY and SPELLBOUND DIZZY but I don’t like SPELLBOUND DIZZY because it has bees in. The DIZZY games are important because you can explore forests and castles and they are full of things like animals and people with problems but I went to a forest once with my dad and it was BORING and didn’t have anything in it not even a squirrel.

There is also the game JAMES POND 2: CODENAME ROBOCOD which I have and in it you can run around a castle and everything is made of Penguin bars but I don’t know why.

if everything was made of penguin bars that would be bad because your bed would be sticky when you tried to sleep in it

Please wait because I have to go and get a glass of fizzy orange.

I’m back! That’s better.

I think computer games are important because you can choose your powers. A game doesn’t care who you are in real life. For example if you are 8 years old you can be really strong in a game and if you are not very clever then you can be really smart and it doesn’t matter! In a game you can do anything.

I think computer games are important because they are fun. When I am playing MONKEY ISLAND and SIM CITY I am having fun and I don’t care about anything else. I like being happy. Uncle Kerion says that means I am clever, but don’t understand why.

I think computer games are important because when I am playing them I don’t think about school or my sister or anything, and I like that. I once told uncle Kerion that if he was sad about the tax man maybe he should play MASTER OF ORION with me because it would make him not think about anything. Then I had a good idea that we could send the tax man our MASTER OF ORION because then he would stop thinking about being mean to uncle Kerion and that would be okay because I don’t know how to play it anyway.

i think this game is definitely toooooo hard

I think computer games are important because when I think about a world where there are no games I get sad and when I grow up I just want to play games ALL DAY!

Thank you for reading! I hope you give lots of money to uncle Kerion lots and lots of £££££££££££



  1. Theyos says:

    This is great work. I’m sure Uncle Kerion will be pleased. Gold Star!

  2. LytonD says:


  3. robrob says:

    This is my favourite day for RPS ever.

  4. Ian says:


  5. Metalfish says:

    I like how this has gone beyond April shenanigans and has neatly morphed into indulgent retro nostalgia.

  6. PsychOLDpomp says:

    Dammit, Quintin, we told you to stay away from Uncle Kieron! Come home, GET BACK IN YOUR ROOM, AND FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK!

  7. Malibu Stacey says:

    Make it stop.


    P.S. Does 7 & 1/4 year old Quinns also have a shortfall of iron?

    • TeeJay says:

      Research suggests the problem is the most common nutritional disorder in the country, with about a quarter of infants not getting enough iron. The main cause is the use of cow’s milk in babies under one year old, coupled with a reduction in red meat consumption and increase in vegetarianism.

      link to news.bbc.co.uk

    • Aankhen says:

      The main cause is the use of cow’s milk in babies under one year old, […]


  8. Pew says:


    • Pew says:

      Blast, I mean cake, hammer, earth, apple, and tap of course. Brain error in himem.sys…

  9. MrMud says:

    For being 7 and a quarter years old Quinns sure is good at spelling.

  10. Bret says:

    Anonymous Coward said:
    Make it stop.


    P.S. Does 7 & 1/4 year old Quinns also have a shortfall of iron?

    Yes, but in a sad, anemic way, rather than in a pathetic gaming way.

  11. The_B says:

    I don’t know what’s more awesome about this piece. The piece itself, or the fact that in about five minutes, John will read it, realize the Playstation one was about to be launched when Quinns was this old and then weep at the passing of his own years and start mumbling how kids today don’t know they’re born.

  12. Premium User Badge

    Hodge says:

    He’s adorable!

  13. Meat Circus says:

    I must admit I’m rather glad that Quinns’s style is maturing somewhat.

  14. Rosti says:

    I like to imagine that, TAX MAN abated, Uncle Kerion would be Master of Orion. Just for the rhyming.

    Good work, Young Quinns.

  15. Britpunk says:

    Crystal Kingdom Dizzy? Silly boy. Fantasy Land is where it’s at.

    • HermitUK says:

      Fantasy World. You’ve only gone and merged Fantasy World and Magic Land into one bizzare conglomeration of both.

      Also, Crystal Kingdom Dizzy was terrible, unless you played the Amiga version, which was at least passable. Each of the four chapters was noticably worse than the one before though.

    • Britpunk says:

      shush!!!! maybe noone will notice. I of course meant fantasy world, but magic land was also ace

    • Wulf says:

      My mind concurs with this, Fantasy World was indeed the best Dizzy! Esp. due to the Australia jokes.

  16. Grunt says:

    Why does the phrase “Uncle Keiron” make me shudder uncontrollably?

  17. the wiseass says:

    Hahaha, oh boy this is by far one of the best days on RPS ever. Thank you so much!

  18. Meat Circus says:

    Quintin, would you show me on this doll where the TAX MAN touched UNCLE KERION?

  19. frymaster says:

    I hereby demand that all future posts by Gillen be signed UNCLE KERION

    • drewski says:

      Is he allowed to spell his own name right instead?

    • Adam Bloom says:


    • Wulf says:

      I’m having flashbacks of a fantasy game I never played.

      Uncle Kerion turned up today, he’s an odd old man and he smells a bit of tuna and lilac, but I don’t mind because with him comes his wondrous bag of things, indescribable sights, peeks of a world I’ve never seen. Sometimes he leaves something with me, a token present or a toy. I wish he wouldn’t grin at me so, it’s so unnerving. What goes on in his head? What does he know?

      Today he drew a mirror out of his bag, an old, ornate thing. But whatever it reflects is twisted, strange, and different. I feel compelled by it, and I whiled away most of the day just peering into its murky, questionable depths. But the time my mother woke me from this ensorcelled state, the old man was gone, and left was this strange mirror…

      Thanks mind, I will now always think of Kieron Gillen as an old guy who smells of lilac and tuna.

  20. Taione says:

    All we need next is an article on Star Control 2. Then my childhood will be complete.

  21. Beavis says:

    you let your sister/brother name there child quintin? What the FLAPJACKS have you been snorting?


    no 7 year old kid these days gives 2 suirts about dizzy or the 7th guest

    they dont know what a cd is

  22. HermitUK says:

    Spellbound Dizzy was a great game! Though I must profess to never finishing the Amiga version because there seemed to be a greater than usual number of inane deathtraps.

    I especially liked the star that was in the middle of a rock crusher, which squished you flat if you tried to get it. Oliver Twins, trolling 1990s style.

  23. CMaster says:

    Bizarrely, Master of Orion was one of my favourite games at around that age.

    I was an odd child.

  24. Confused Time Traveler says:

    Wait, it’s only 1993? THEN I’M NOT TOO LATE!

  25. Wulf says:

    Dear Santa,

    There is this place I like, it’s called Rock, Paper, Shotgun. It’s okay Santa, don’t pull faces, it says shotgun but it’s not all nasty and violent. Well, it is sometimes but it’s run by nice men!

    They are good men, and they are at their best on April 1st. So, Santa… hey, um… do you think you could find a way to fit April 1st into the year twice? Maybe three times??? You’re magic and all, so if anyone could make it happen it’s you, right??

    My mom helped me writing this letter, she’s a very nice lady. We both agree that the year should go April 1st more than once.

    Yours hopefully, Wulf.

  26. mathew says:


    Would you like to come and see some puppies? I’ve got them in this van.

  27. Yargh says:

    Kerion Glilen! you let a 7 year old play 7th Guest? Shame on you!

  28. Durns says:

    The tag-line on this article is pretty fantastic.

  29. JohnArr says:

    I’m going to print this out and stick it on the fridge because it’s very good.

  30. Amanda says:

    I got a really, really strong smell memory when fizzy orange was mentioned. That was made using a Sodastream – I can just sense it…

    • Lambchops says:

      Mention of sodastream is just adding to the sense of glorious nostalgia!

  31. DeepSleeper says:

    Knowing that the puzzles in 7th Guest are pretty bad makes Quintin more intelligent and a better reviewer than other kids even twice his age.

  32. Acosta says:

    Awwww, that is a adorable.

    But holy shit at you Quintin, playing 7th Guest and Master of Orion all for yourself with 7 years, you are have become a little man, haven’t you? I am sooo proud of you, keep going!

  33. merc says:

    Quins! I know this is hard to understand at your age, but somehow I’ve been able to deliver a warning into the past! Heed me well young Quins, in the future, YOU WILL NEED MORE IRON. This is important!

  34. Jake says:

    The writing style reminds me a lot of the book “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”. In fact, I have a feeling the author had probably read it recently.

    Good article still.

  35. ChechenRebel says:

    If only all problems could be resolved with Master of Orion.

  36. starclaws says:

    ***Nominated for best RPS article of 2010