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Help RPS! Whorecraft: Graphics Quest

Today, RPS has a quest for you. A quest of great import but little time to perform it in. Do you live in Ireland? Do you own a decent graphics card you could spare to be without for a couple of days? Only you can save our gnomish rogue Quintin The Tight. He has great rewards for you…

[Update: Not anymore, he doesn’t! Our thanks to hero-reader Daniel Klein for fixing our hardware woes. Your prize is enroute.]

Thus spake Quinns:

Attention adventurers! A great and ugly disaster has befallen me. I only hope one of you can help…

It’s my graphics card, you see. It’s sick. Or maybe broken. All I know is that whenever it tries to render anything in 3D it begins producing ragged sheets of smoke and making a noise somewhere between fingernails on a blackboard and a keening man.

Worse still, I have a review to do on Monday and Tuesday! Have you heard the rumours? It’s said that if you fail to meet your deadline they send enormous men round to snap open your elbows like fortune cookies! I’m doomed. Doomed!

Unless, that is, one of you could lend me a passable graphics card that I could use until Sir. Rossignol’s spare card reaches me? You’d be handsomely rewarded, of course. Only recently I cooked up a batch of my famous Beer Basted Boar Ribs. And I’m sure I could find some other trinkets lying around…

Anyone living in Ireland who posts a card to me today might just save me. Or better yet, if anyone lives in Galway, Ireland then I could pick the card up myself! Hell, I could probably take a coach to Shannon or somewhere close too, then I could just mail the card back.

Your quest, then. Obtain a pixel-shader 3.0 graphics card and lend it to Quintin The Tight by Saturday. You will be rewarded with the following:

– 2000 experience points. You may not be able to see these experience points, but you’ll definitely have them. Honest. You’ll probably level up as a person too.
– Hat Of Maximum Splendidosity (Um. We’ll photoshop a neat hat onto your RPS gravatar.)
– A copy of Divinity 2: Ego Draconis.
– Beer-basted ribs.
– No, really – Quinns has made authentic WoW-style beer-basted ribs. Looky:

Mmm. If that can’t restore your mana in 30 seconds, nothing can.

– Quinns’ eternal gratitude, love and cuddles.
– An absolute, 100% cast-iron guarantee that the tyke will return your card after the weekend.

Can you help, noble traveller? If so, mail the boy here forthwith.

Thanks again to Daniel for his aid in this, our hour of need.

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Who am I?

Alec Meer

Senior Editor

Co-founder of RPS. Dungeon Keeper & X-COM 4 Life.

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