Look Upon His Works, Ye Mighty, And Despair

This chap is better than you at Sim City 3000.

Okay, I’m assuming he’s a chap. But, really, this screams bloke, in the same way that the vast majority of serial killers are geezers.

Awesome. Also includes great dialogue for a sort of monomanical superhero comic. For example…

GEOMETRY INSPIRED BY THE WHEEL OF LIFE AND DEATH!
MICROMANAGEMENT FOR ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!
LIBRARIES TO MAXIMISE RESIDENTIAL POTENTIAL!

Exactly.

Thanks to Poisoned Sponge for telling us about this. No thanks to Dubble for not telling us about this. And a special firm, manly handshake for anyone who can identify the music it uses. The stuff from 2:30 onwards, if it’s two pieces or something.

157 Comments

  1. TCM says:

    I have seen the dystopian future.

  2. Shalrath says:

    that was… bizarre. I do not know how to describe it.

  3. RogB says:

    cant help but feel 90% of the dwarf mega-fortresses trump this for sheer OMGWTF ocd-levels-of-patience
    but not being a massive simcity fan, im probably not seeing the acheivement here, other than a pretty quilt pattern

    • DrazharLn says:

      It looks like he’s tried to work out the most efficient form to use for the city by the rules of the game.

      I too feel that FlareChannel, for example, is more impressive.

      I also think that this is a bit sad. It’s not what gaming is about for me, in fact it is something like the opposite of what gaming is to me. But whatever, each to their own.

    • Snall says:

      Truly, if this guy starts to play DF…his family will never see him again.

    • disperse says:

      Someone recently built a working programmable 8-bit computer in Dwarf Fortress completely out of gears, pressure-plates, pumps, and switches:

      link to bay12games.com

    • Tacroy says:

      Sweet! Back before I lost interest in DF, I’d been drawing up plans for water-based logic gates; I’m surprised someone actually successfully made a computer.

      Clearly, therefore, DF is Turing-complete and will eventually take over the world.

    • Clovis says:

      If someone implements DF in DF, does the world end?

    • Chris R says:

      @DrazharLn,

      This guy has taken the concept of “min-maxing” to the next level. For some people this is what is fun, breaking down the game so they can absolutely maximize their “build”, be it in an MMO, an RPG, FPS, etc. I’m a bit of a Min-Maxer myself, but nothing on the level of this fellow… however I can see how perfecting his grids to the max can be fun for him. I do the same thing in MMO’s and RPG’s, but not to this extent.

    • Tei says:

      What… a dude has implemented a computer …in a roguelike game?!… *HEAD IMPLODE*

    • panik says:

      “But whatever, each to their own.”
      A vacuous statement once you have already labelled him “sad”.
      I love obsessives.

    • Carra says:

      I’ll disagree with the “not about gaming anymore” statement.

      It’s min-maxing! I love doing it. There’s whole fora just to help you calculate if that weapon of überness you found that has 2 hit more but 1 ap & 1 crit less is a good replacement for your WoW warrior.

      Some people just enjoy getting the best out of their games.

    • Premium User Badge

      Harlander says:

      That’s really “for given value of ‘best'”, in a big way…

    • Premium User Badge

      Cooper says:

      That 8bit computer made in DF deserves a post of its own. Much more interesting than min-maxing SimCity 3000…

    • Malawi Frontier Guard says:

      Speaking of DF, someone also made a working calculator.

      link to df.magmawiki.com

  4. Squashua says:

    I have never played SimCity 3000, nor do I ever need to now that he has beaten it and I have seen the video. There is nothing that anyone can accomplish that this insane creator hasn’t.

  5. Squashua says:

    Of course, RogB is correct. This guy needs to move to Dwarf Fortress, except that thing is constantly under revision.

  6. Big X says:

    Not seeing the level of achievement you say? There is probably more work here than most bachelors degrees from my experience with the game

    • Lack_26 says:

      I have the feeling that someone should probably give him a degree for this. If only he worked for the city council, we might have a half decent parking scheme. Someone should actually tell him he could make a lot of money as a cityworks consultant, he be better than most, for a start he might know what to do.

    • Yargh says:

      Lack_26 you may not have noticed, but he has zero roads in his cities, so optimized car parking is kind of pointless. As far as I can tell there is a subway station at every street corner and he is utterly dependant on deals off map to supply energy, water and manage waste, you’d have to wonder what kind of world this megacity lives in.

    • Lack_26 says:

      Yeah I noticed that, still reckon he could do a better job than my council. (Mind you, a kid with a crayon could probably do better than the council).

    • battles_atlas says:

      @ Yargh
      “he is utterly dependant on deals off map to supply energy, water and manage waste, you’d have to wonder what kind of world this megacity lives in.”

      You’ve just described the West’s existence.

  7. robrob says:

    Crikey.

  8. Andrew says:

    Pretty amazing stuff, that is for sure…

    Also, for the music, I am pretty sure it is by Jesper Kyd and is off of the Hitman: Blood Money soundtrack. Sorry I can’t be more specific as to which track (possibly Hunter or Apocalypse), but I have not listened to that soundtrack in quite a while…

    • El Stevo says:

      @Andrew:

      It is Apocalypse.

    • elyscape says:

      The main song is that, yeah. The bit at the very beginning of the video is the beginning of Menouthis by E.S. Posthumus.

    • Mortis says:

      Worth noting (maybe??) that the song seems to be a remix/retake of Kyd’s stage 1 track from Amok, “Progress”

    • KillahMate says:

      @Mortis: Now here’s a man who knows his game soundtrack history. Kudos. (I was frankly always more fond of Progress than Apocalypse – maybe just because I heard Progress first.)

      But what surprises me is that Kieron didn’t recognize it – it is, after all, the most famous bit of music in the Hitman franchise, which was always known for its soundtracks. Also Kyd noted that it’s a favorite melody of his (that’s why he reused it, after all).

      But, as ever, the RPS community springs forth with factoids on the ready. And you all do it before me, so I don’t get to impress anyone with my own reams of useless trivia. Curse you all.

  9. Eidolon says:

    A stunning piece of Outsider art.

  10. Michael says:

    Congratulations for spending two years in building a city that is both perfect (according to the SimCity design architecture), unrealistic (in the sense that it would never be actually built) and uninhabitable (in the sense that no one would ever want to live there).

  11. battles_atlas says:

    That is fucking terrifying. If Will Wright saw this it would go something along the lines of “OH MY GOD…YOU REALLY DID IT… GOD DAMN YOU… DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL”. Something like that.

  12. Levictus says:

    Cool! Although, I really feel he should have done something like that with Simcity 4. It has a much for developed custom content ecosystem and total regional populations could way higher.

  13. Yfel says:

    Seeing how this is obviously a math geek, I’m awaiting his proof that this city is indeed optimal, as he claims it is.

  14. kalidanthepalidan says:

    Agreed. That chap is certainly better at Sim City 3000 than me. And math.

  15. moyogo says:

    And that’s how you play a video game (narrated by Ron Howard).

  16. Cunzy1 1 says:

    PLANS STARTED IN 2006.

  17. Cfp says:

    The music sounds rather like Philip Glass, which would fit since the guy references Koyaanisqatsi.

  18. Bowl of Snakes says:

    yaaay, more quirky decade old game youtubage!

  19. RogB says:

    ah so hes kind of reverse engineered how the game see’s a perfect layout. okay thats quite dedicated, fair enough. seems like it’d take all the fun out of it though!.

    • Vinraith says:

      @RogB

      The fun is figuring it out, obviously. I’m nowhere near dedicated enough or obsessive enough to do something like this, but it’s not hard for me to understand the appeal. It’s an optimization problem and the author is a natural tinkerer, he’s the kind of guy that used to take his toys apart to see how they work.

  20. Tei says:

    I did something like this with archeology buildings in Sim City 2000.

    ..prepare for the pun… 1000 years ago.

  21. CloakRaider says:

    If he was a real man, he’d then unleash volcanoes and meteors on it, like Maxis clearly intended.

  22. Heliosicle says:

    Music from Hitman Blood Money – composed by Jesper Kyd

  23. Sobric says:

    I don’t even…. what is…

    ZERO WATER POLLUTION

    NO CHEAT

    • Jon says:

      Perhaps something to do with the zero water production? It’s all being supplied by neighboring cities.

  24. tikey says:

    That city screams for a visit from Godzilla (or wathever great disaster simcity3k had)

  25. Binni says:

    Asperger Syndrome

  26. Okami says:

    It’s nice to be reminded from time to time of the fact that I’m a sane person.

  27. Karhax says:

    I recognize some of the music from Hitman: Blood Money. Do I get a handshake?

  28. Ricc says:

    Congratulations on “solving” SimCity 3000. Will Wright probably shed a tear of joy. :)

  29. Brumisator says:

    Hmmm, I had a city of several millions (can’t remember the exact number) in simcity 2000, but it was mainly a chaotic field of archologies (little buildings that looked like spacecrafts and could store dozens of thousands of inhabitants) surrounded by cop stations.

    A very impressive achievement, albeit depicted in an overly dramatic and pompous video.

  30. Skurmedel says:

    Hitman music ain’t it? At least it’s featured in the games. The part 2 music is the chase music used in at least one of the games.

  31. Diziet says:

    I have to applaud that for the err totality of his solution to the challenges of the game. To be honest I always had the most fun with SC when I was on the edge. Creating a productive good society when a disaster hit etc. I remember getting SC2000 very fondly. It was a christmas present from my parents when I was staying in wales with my grandmother. It was on the Amiga and not being able to take said machine with me I had almost a week post christmas to pour over that manual and it’s contents before playing the game. I became obsessed before even putting the disk into the drive. :) I’ve never quite understood why since then (being 17 at the time) but I’ve called every first SC town since leamington spa.

  32. greenB says:

    All the “Randomsanti derives from the word…” stuff would work rather better if the “dictionary entry” for cheating was less wrong.

  33. Arsewisely says:

    Music from Hitman – I’ll have my handjob now.

  34. Zeldrin says:

    The music is “Apocalypse” from the Hitman Blood Money soundtrack. ‘Tis to be found here: link to youtube.com

  35. Chris D says:

    I can’t help feeling that someone who would do this would be the kind of person to build the Cybermen to get rid of all those pesky emotions and things, it’s clearly the optimum solution.

  36. Peter Radiator Full Pig says:

    I winder if this guy could try his hand at city planning. It would be interesting, to say the least.

  37. Network Crayon says:

    This is the Kayonisquatsi of sim city, isn’t it?

    The music, the explanation… the, the drawings.

    great stuff!

    • Network Crayon says:

      I think maybe its the sign of a true, classic game this.

      Sometimes it takes someone’s fanatical patience or skill to take a game as far as it’ll go, things like this and Hondo’s AHL maps that were blogged recently make their respective games all the more wonderful.

      plus it has that ‘CRAZY’ vibe which I love.

  38. Roadrunnerr says:

    I’m glad this man is allowed to further the human gene pool.

    Yes. He hasn’t wasted his life AT ALL!

    • RedFred says:

      That’s just what I was thinking. Non gamers see this and go “Imagine what he could have done if he applied that to something worthwhile.”

      Sadly I feel the same way.

  39. toni says:

    this is beautiful and wrong at the same time

  40. Mr_Day says:

    Looks like the place to live when our cereal packets have games on them and we upload our highscores for tax breaks.

  41. Flameberge says:

    There’s no other way to put it: SimCity 3000 has been completed, comprehensively beaten.

    The cost? One human life, hideously damaged, beyond all repair. A gaming martyr of sorts, no?

  42. Clovis says:

    Wow, is this like a Children of the Corn* city or something? What’s going on at 6:40:? No one in the city is over age 55?!?

    Everything was pretty creepy dystopian even before I saw that. Is there an old people disposal system somewhere, or is that licensed to a neighbor also?

    You just know someone is going to rebel agains the 55 age limit and bring the whole thing crashing down …

    *There’s a better example, but I can’t remember the name.

    • Network Crayon says:

      …Logans Run?

    • TimA says:

      Logan’s Run?

    • Clovis says:

      Yep. I kep thinking “Loderunner”, lulz.

    • Dinger says:

      yeah, I thought Logan’s Run at first too.
      Then I thought about it. At age 55, after a nice life in the cities, they get shipped to the slave cities supplying the utilities, polluting the water, air and earth. They’re all dead of cancer by age 65.

    • medwards says:

      He specifically references Koyaanisqatsi which from the wikipedia article:

      the word Koyaanisqatsi means “crazy life, life in turmoil, life out of balance, life disintegrating, a state of life that calls for another way of living”

      I agree with most people that this is just applied OCD, but it also seems like a city that is deliberately channelling the theme of the film it is inspired by, not just the art direction. I think the put-downs going around are a bit misplaced. Somebody who directly tries to reference Kowloon Walled City isn’t a complete back-birth, though in this I am somewhat biased.

      Final wrap-up: The comments aghast at the nature of the city, who would possibly want to live there, etc. are spot on, and perhaps DELIBERATELY incited by the author. He is either very singularly focused or sees that “MICROMANAGEMENT FOR ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!” has inherent irony when applied to the organisation of society.

  43. l1ddl3monkey says:

    Hire this man to work on the UK’s motorway layouts. Actually hire him for anything, he obviously has far too much free time on his hands.

  44. Jimbo says:

    I installed this last night and had 12 million before I went to bed.

  45. Jossoy says:

    Is it weird that I have this overwhelming urge to find this guy and dump his books?

  46. Rod Humble says:

    Speaking of which when the hell is Maxis going to make a real SimCity 5????

    (yay! I got to be the first to say it in a thread!)

    8)

  47. rebb says:

    hmkay.

  48. FernandoDante says:

    …God of War soundtrack?

  49. Tei says:

    Ozymandias

    • JonFitt says:

      I love that poem. The excerpt in Civ4 is also an excellent use.

    • JonFitt says:

      Oh, it’s also misquoted here. Look on my (his) works, ye Mighty, and despair, would be right.

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      JonFitt: Do I honestly have to explain why I wrote what I did rather than the actual quote?

      KG

  50. yogSo says:

    It must be great to be one of those 10 unemployed people of Magnasanti. I guess they are like celebrities and stuff and live inside an endless Big Brother show…