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Daleks Invade Sheffield: Doctor Who Gubbins

It definitely is still funny to make jokes about Karen Gillan and Kieron Gillen's names being similar. Please everyone keep doing that to Kieron as much as possible.

A strange new trailer for the first Doctor Who game, City Of The Daleks, has appeared. Making a schrworghur schrworghur noise. (I’m fairly sure that’s how you spell the TARDIS sound.) It features a Dalek invasion of Sheffield, and an appearance from lovely Uncle Charles Cecil. And here and there there’s even mention of the game.

These mentions are primarily from some Sheffield school children, who offer us excellent quotes like, “It was better than an ordinary game that you’d just pick out of a shop.” But then I hate that ordinary game from that shop, so I’d hope so. He will be writing for RPS within months. I’m also relieved to learn that I’m not the only person who invents songs about my failings in games. Although I’d argue that mine are slightly better than the completely rubbish effort from the girl here. (Those lyrics in full: “I’ve been exterminated. I’ve been exterminated. Yaaaaaaay.”)

Yes, yes, I’m mocking children. What of it?

They’re then asked to rate the game out of five Daleks. All but one give it 5/5 Daleks, which confuses me, because aren’t Daleks a bad thing? Surely zero Daleks out of five is how one should celebrate a Doctor Who game? Unless these kids were being extremely arch, and it is in fact awful. My favourite kid, the Tim Rice of getting killed songs, she only gives it 4 Daleks due to how frustrating it is. Which is an odd comment to leave in a trailer promoting your game.

I also note the game is to feature the Nu-Daleks, that Private Eye claims were crowbarred into last week’s ghastly episode in order to rejuvenate sales of the Who-related toys this Christmas. In five exciting new flavours! Good to see they’re getting cross-promoted. Cynical cynical cynical.

But most of all I’d like to note how incredibly calmly the children in the street felt about Daleks sneaking up behind them. I know they’ve been rather over-used in the recent series and all, but shouldn’t they be crying and hiding? If I met a Dalek I don’t think I’d be grabbing its plunger while it barked threats at me. I’d be putting my hands over its eye-piece from behind, then pulling it open and climbing inside, humming the Record Breakers theme as I went.

Anyhow, that’s enough waffle. Here’s the sort-of-trailer-thing.

The first game is out on 5th June.

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John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founding robots of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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