Daleks Invade Sheffield: Doctor Who Gubbins

It definitely is still funny to make jokes about Karen Gillan and Kieron Gillen's names being similar. Please everyone keep doing that to Kieron as much as possible.

A strange new trailer for the first Doctor Who game, City Of The Daleks, has appeared. Making a schrworghur schrworghur noise. (I’m fairly sure that’s how you spell the TARDIS sound.) It features a Dalek invasion of Sheffield, and an appearance from lovely Uncle Charles Cecil. And here and there there’s even mention of the game.

These mentions are primarily from some Sheffield school children, who offer us excellent quotes like, “It was better than an ordinary game that you’d just pick out of a shop.” But then I hate that ordinary game from that shop, so I’d hope so. He will be writing for RPS within months. I’m also relieved to learn that I’m not the only person who invents songs about my failings in games. Although I’d argue that mine are slightly better than the completely rubbish effort from the girl here. (Those lyrics in full: “I’ve been exterminated. I’ve been exterminated. Yaaaaaaay.”)

Yes, yes, I’m mocking children. What of it?

They’re then asked to rate the game out of five Daleks. All but one give it 5/5 Daleks, which confuses me, because aren’t Daleks a bad thing? Surely zero Daleks out of five is how one should celebrate a Doctor Who game? Unless these kids were being extremely arch, and it is in fact awful. My favourite kid, the Tim Rice of getting killed songs, she only gives it 4 Daleks due to how frustrating it is. Which is an odd comment to leave in a trailer promoting your game.

I also note the game is to feature the Nu-Daleks, that Private Eye claims were crowbarred into last week’s ghastly episode in order to rejuvenate sales of the Who-related toys this Christmas. In five exciting new flavours! Good to see they’re getting cross-promoted. Cynical cynical cynical.

But most of all I’d like to note how incredibly calmly the children in the street felt about Daleks sneaking up behind them. I know they’ve been rather over-used in the recent series and all, but shouldn’t they be crying and hiding? If I met a Dalek I don’t think I’d be grabbing its plunger while it barked threats at me. I’d be putting my hands over its eye-piece from behind, then pulling it open and climbing inside, humming the Record Breakers theme as I went.

Anyhow, that’s enough waffle. Here’s the sort-of-trailer-thing.

The first game is out on 5th June.


  1. Schmung says:

    I’ll give you 5-1 on a Karen/Kieron Gillen joke in the first four posts.

  2. Bhazor says:

    Wait! Charles Cecil is making the game? Why did no one tell me this!

    Still, school children trying to hum the theme tune is now one of my favourite things,

  3. Rich says:

    Fools! They made Sheffield train station handi-capable and doomed the city to Dalek invasion.
    When will people learn?

    Also, hate those new fat Daleks. They look awful.

  4. Seniath says:

    I guess with Nick stuck wherever he is stuck, you had to do /something/ with all that rum eh John?

  5. Koozer says:

    babedeebum, babedeebum, babedeebum, BUBedeebum, babedeebum, babedeebum, babedeebum, BUBedeebum…oooEEoooooooooAAAeeeoooooo, AAAeeeooo-oooaaaaaaeoo, eeoo-eeoo-OA-eooo-Oooo-Oooo, AAAoooooooooo.

    Youtube links are for pansies.

    • Wulf says:

      Then there’s the new dramatic one, which I’m totally in love with.

      Vreeeoooo… da dada da doom da dada da doom dad dada doo duuuu dooooo… dooo duuu doooo deeee… da da da dum… weeoooo… weeeoooo-ooo… da da da dum… wee duu daaa OHH OHH AAHHHHH (yay random vocals!)… aaaaaaahhh… du du doomda du du du doomda… weeeoooo… oh screw this, I’ll just link the damn thing.

    • Wulf says:

      “Youtube links are for pansies.”

      This from the man who produced a vastly inferior type up to my own, whose depiction looks more lilty than the voice of a Welshman (and this is coming from a Welshman)! ;p

  6. Wulf says:

    Wait, what? What happened to ever loving John Walker? Mocking children? Needlessly cynical? Mildly vitriolic? It’s a plot, a plot I tell you! He’s been replaced with some sort of… Walker Robot, which walks, and talks like Walker, about games… and other things which are related to games, except with the personality of Alec Meer’s dour evil twin! It’s all one gigantic mind-frelling conspiracy!

    I’m onto you! Yes, I’m onto you, you vile body snatchers! Oh yes! Don’t think I don’t see through your paper-thin plot to turn us all into vegetables, first confusing us by swapping the personalities of our favourite blog celebrities! I see through you! You’re totally transparent to my all perceiving perceptions what perceive things!

    …and now I know, they’ll be coming for me next!!!

    AAHH! *flees!*

    • John Walker says:

      I appear to have two completely opposite perceived personae. Half of people think I’m the loveable, cuddleable John Walker. The other half thinks I’m this cynical, grumpy old bastard who hates everything.

      It’s through this that I’m able to disappoint almost everyone most of the time.

    • Wulf says:

      Apparently! And I feel strangely impressed by this.

      Though you’re just human, like the rest of us, and no one can have a sunny outlook on everything (can they?). The fun part is that you actually out and said it.

    • Wulf says:

      Ha, someone noticed that! I did make it perhaps a bit too obvious by stressing ‘Walker Robot’, but I had a laugh when writing it.

    • Chris D says:

      Is John Walker his own evil twin?

  7. Rosti says:

    [GEEK FREAK!] Amy can’t make that “Oh ho ho! 1963 is where you got your clothes from, sucker!” because she saw him steal them in the first episode.[/GEEK FREAK]

    • greenB says:

      It’s sympathetic and proto-amorous banter. I’m telling you, the Doctor is properly falling for this one!

      I don’t know what was funniest in that trailer though, “THIS-IS-A-LITTLE-DALEK-BABY”, the claims that the graphics are realistic or the constant deaths every time a screen was shown. Still hoping the BBC won’t block non-Subjects of Her Majesty from downloading…

    • Hidden_7 says:

      Yeah, but clearly the guy he swiped the clothes from got them from 1963. That is obvious!

    • Rosti says:

      @greenB – I think I recall reading some comment that there might be some UK exclusivity, although the context didn’t make it clear whether they were talking *this* set of games or future ‘digital content’. I’d be surprised if this wasn’t made widely available, though, what with the brand strengthening an’ all.

      Re: Banter – But what about [Miss Spoiler McGee] featuring in tomorrow’s (now tonight’s!) episode, hmm? Although a pimping Doctor…

      @Hidden_7 – Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey sort of thing, then?

    • Wulf says:


      Personally, I thought the whole dalek thing sold the trailer, and had many funny moments. I wish I had been there, and I love that they’re doing things like this, the kids were clearly having a blast with it.

      But of all of them, yep, I think the “YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD DA-LEK. THIS IS A LIT-TLE DA-LEK BAY-BEE!!” line was the highlight.

      I hope they do more of this sort of thing.

    • greenB says:

      Oh, rather – I should point out that I like the new “quippy-bonkers” series a lot.

  8. bleeters says:

    It says something about my complete lack of awareness that I only hear about this *now*, despite living a brisk walk away. If I was younger and incapable of opinions…

    • Rich says:

      Same. Not even sure when they filmed it, although I know some people who were down there.
      Ducking out of the lab for half an hour to see some Daleks (albeit fat ones) would have been good.

  9. Mr_Day says:

    I am not very impressed. You can clearly see the guys feet in the Dalek – why haven’t they made them remote control yet?

    Also, I am not a huge fan of that picture up the top – I am not sure what Amy is doing, but if she is saving the world, she is only doing it for Tiger Woods.

    *is shot*

    • Mr_Day says:

      Christ, I am making fun of sultry poses. And it isn’t even that sultry on further inspection, looks like she will break into a sprint at any moment.

    • Thants says:

      It looks like she’s tying her shoes in the middle of an explosion.

    • Wulf says:

      I thought she was ducking, you know how the Doctor loves ducks (or telling people to duck, at least), and ponds. So it seems logical to combine the two.
      “Duck Pond, duck!”
      I figure there’s probably a dalek or whatnot at the position of the camera, and that’s what the Doctor is pointing his screwdriver at.

    • Mr_Day says:

      “Duck, Pond!”


      That joke will be used at some point in the new series. I’d stake my inconsistent and horribly typo’d ramblings on it.

  10. Justin says:

    Make that a lab coat instead of a plaid dinner jacket in the top image and it’d be a “Bill Nye the Science Guy” game. Not that I wouldn’t be interested in that too…

  11. Mac says:

    I wonder how many people would rather see Sheffield burn than save it from the Daleks?

    If it’s an open adventure this should definately be an option …

    • Rich says:

      I happen to like Sheffield.
      I’d rather see Leeds burn. I hate that dump.

    • rxtx says:

      Possibly not that many, since its one of the better cities in the country…

  12. bill says:

    there are new Daleks??? Must look this up on youtube…..

    I haven’t seen the latest few series, but i thought one of the big successes of the first 1-2 seasons was that they managed to make daleks scary again. They managed to imply that the existence of one single, rusty, chained dalek was a threat to the whole planet. that was pretty cool.

    Then again, even by the end of season 2 the doctor was kinda kicking their ass by the million…

    • Mr_Day says:

      I call that Borg Syndrome – when an enemy is defeated so oftn that any sense of threat they once posed is gone for good. Though I realise it was happening in the earliest of Doctor Who series with the Daleks, the Borg is the most obvious spiral from awesome badguys to Federation Fodder.

      See also: The Goa’uld (they can’t kill 4 people. One of whom is an archaeologist. They turn to alternative timeline/dimension stories to make them appear badass). Actually, every enemy in Stargate bar universe gets a sound thrashing.

      The Hirogen – ultimate hunting hardmen! Who cry foul when some holograms kick their ass. Videogames are evil, kids.

      Klingons – only badass if they aren’t facing the Federation.

      When Kieron wrote his piece on why ther shouldn’t be a System Shock 3, his main point was that if you beat Shodan once, it is a miracle. Twice, it is a fluke. Thrice, and she is incompetant. That is pretty much the definition I have for Borg Syndrome.

      One of the reasons I like the Shivans in Freespace is that at the end of the second game, you are not under the impression that you beat them – merely that they stopped kicking your arse so badly.

    • westyfield says:

      @ Mr_Day

      Yeah, the Daleks hold no threat for me now (especially since last week… grr). I remember the Dr Who episode I found most frightening was ‘Dalek’ (Christopher Eccleston), because there was only one dalek, and it was just cruising round slaughtering a whole army. When you get the magical-thingamacguffin which can spawn a billion daleks floating in the sky, they cease to be scary, because that many of anything is going to kill you.
      When it’s just one unstoppable murderbot, it is scary.

      Also, the ‘The daleks are extinct! Yay! Wait, no, there’s a few left who’ve just brought back the rest’ plot twist needs to die.

    • Rich says:

      It doesn’t help that flying Daleks have always looked really stupid.

      The Replicators of SG-1 were always pretty badass and never, to my mind, suffered Borg syndrome.
      The Ori were tough but they kind of ran out of series in which to fight them.

    • Wulf says:

      I still love the daleks, any way. I can’t get the feeling that some people take things way too seriously. I won’t accuse Mr. Day of that though, that chap’s got a good sense of humour.

      Anyway, I always thought the best way to mitigate Borg syndrome was to have them switch sides. This is actually how the Star Trek did it with the Klingons, until bad writers tried to force them back into the role of a feared enemy again (and that was so truly terrible I’d even go so far as to say it was made of fail). It also worked in StarGate, instead of continuing to be thrashed, the Jaffa rose against the Goa’uld and formed the Jaffa Free Nation. That’s really the only way to do it, and if it isn’t done that way then the bad guys get boring, fast. Thrash the bad guys a few times, then have them realise it’s about time they switch sides.

      If we ever saw SHODAN again, I’d say she should be fighting on the same side as the player against some new, malevolent upstart AI that claims to be smarter than her.

      Problem is, I’m not sure quite yet how the daleks could ever switch sides, that seems rather impossible.

  13. Optimaximal says:

    I’d be putting my hands over its eye-piece from behind, then pulling it open and climbing inside, humming the Record Breakers theme as I went.

    I love you John Walker, although they technically covered the eyepiece in Dalek food then rolled it over a Thaal cape…

    We are talking about Roy Castle in Dr. Who & the Daleks, right?

  14. Theoban says:

    Well I’ll be playing this, if only to check out more of the utterly gorgeous Karen Gillan
    link to i40.tinypic.com

  15. Steelfists says:


  16. Alex Bakke says:


    link to i44.tinypic.com

    I’m so sorry about the lack of effort.

  17. dan. says:

    Looks just like that iPhone game, Flight Control.

  18. Serenegoose says:

    I think that really, the best way to let the Daleks regain their ability to be threatening, is to reduce the amount of times the Doctor can actually beat them. The most recent episode was (and I know I’m in the minority by saying this) a really good example of how the Daleks should be done. They turn up, and the doctor freaks out about it,turns out they knew the Doctor would act like that and it was part of their plan all along. Not only that, but knowing exactly how the Doctor will act, they’re able to escape off. They use his weaknesses to generate a situation in which they win. For the first time since the reboot even, they competed against the Doctor as equals, and their plan worked better than his. The Daleks are universal menaces, and there is a lot of universe to menance. The doctor can handle a few downer endings and still triumphantly defeat them just often enough to hold them in check – keeping the menace of the Daleks intact. (the doctor might not win in this episode, because he really might not)

    • Wulf says:

      Indeed, I actually felt the new daleks were more menacing because they managed to get one over on him. Whereas in the RTD’s episodes it was simply a case of–always a case of–I YAM DER DOCTOR, HUR HUR, AND I WIN DUE TO DEUS EX MACHINA! GUFFAW! PUNY DALEKS!.

      Even in this latest episode with the Weeping Angels he’s not using his sonic so much, why some of the fanboys preferred the Deus Ex Machina-happy Doctor that solved everything by pointing his sonic at it is beyond me, utterly beyond me. I think this new series is the best we’ve seen of the Doctor in a long time.

  19. Serenegoose says:

    Why do I keep calling it a reboot! I know it isn’t, and yet that’s the word I keep using! Fie.

  20. Grunt says:

    “The first game is out on 5th June.”

    MY BIRTHDAY! W00000000000t!!! Suddenly I have a reason to celebrate it!