“A Note From Aperture Science”

Valve have sent out a transmission announcing the cancellation of their E3 Portal 2 event, and its replacement with “a surprise”. As press invitations go, it’s an odd one. I’ve posted the text below…

Dear Subject Name Here,

Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word “surprise”, of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

Thank you for < RECORD SCRATCH!!! >

PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.

But Portal 2 is still being shown at E3. So that’s good.


  1. pimorte says:

    “Deploying surprise in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 …”

    • RC-1290'Dreadnought' says:

      @pimorte Oh my! they’re going to flood the convention center with a deadly neurotoxin!

  2. Antlia says:

    The black box…!

    Of Oceanic 815.

  3. Skystrider says:

    I can think of at least four possibilities:

    1: Valve will announce “Source Go”, a new version of the Source engine, to be used on portable platforms such as the IPhone, IPod and IPad. Along with this we may also see a new version of the Steamworks SDK, which will handle cross-platform achivements and save-games. The first games to hit the App store may be the original Half-Life along with its expansion packs. Maybe.

    2: Half Life (episode) 3. ‘Nuff said.

    3: Joss Whedon to direct “Half Life, The Motion Picture”, or TV series. There have been some rumours going about that…

    4: LFD 3. Please, Gawd no.

    • Lack_26 says:

      I think if Valve were to sponsor a new series of Firefly they’d instantly become even more popular.

    • westyfield says:

      New surprise: Nathan Fillion will voice Gordon Freeman.

  4. Fazer says:

    Steam for Linux.

    You heard it here first!

    • Unaco says:

      Surprised not more people have said this. I’m gonna go for that… Steam + Source Engine games for Linux.

    • jeremypeel says:

      Nah, I don’t think so. Not really sure why Valve wouldn’t have waited a couple of weeks and launched Mac and Linux compatability at once if that’s the case. Or why Linux would get much more fanfare that Mac did.

    • DrazharLn says:

      Because Linux > Mac, of course.

  5. Tei says:

    Impulse, Steam and Direct2Drive will merge, and will use GOG lack of DRM. Any game buy in Impulse, will show in Steam and Direct2Drive and GOG.

    • Tei says:

      now that I think about it, that would be a bad thing. since will kill different prices, and different location availability, and will invoque the “one basket, all eggs” problem.

  6. Sandokan says:

    I think it will be a combination of Portal 2 + Episode 3.

    From Portal and Ep2 we saw that both games are related. Aperture Science owns the ship Borealis. And if in Ep3 we are going there. It would make sense to release both together.

  7. MadTinkerer says:

    ACTUALLY: I’m surprised no one has jokingly or non-jokingly suggested Counter-Strike 2 yet. Gabe said they were working on it last year, recently there was an update to CS:S, I wouldn’t be too surprised if CS2 was the surprise.

    That or the un-named project from the DOTA guy.

    If it’s not either of those or Ep. 3, then I will be genuinely surprised.

    Also: Prospero? You get 5 Internet Points for that one. ;)

    • MadTinkerer says:

      That last comment was supposed to be in reply to Oak, who mentioned the game Valve almost made instead of Half Life.

  8. Iokanaan says:

    OMFG! I bet you they actually managed to build the ASHPD! sweet mother!

  9. Skinlo says:


    “We are happy to announce that we have been acquired by Acitivsion. All marketing, funding and IP now belongs to them.”


  10. Ginger Yellow says:

    3: Joss Whedon to direct “Half Life, The Motion Picture”, or TV series. There have been some rumours going about that…

    Portal: The Musical, starring Felicia Day as Chell.

    Anyway, clearly the surprise is a cake.

  11. Sp4rkR4t says:

    The surprise is Portal 2 & Episode 3 are one and the same thing.

  12. jeremypeel says:

    The surprise is that nobody reads each others comments and shout the same jokes into the ether.

    • Skinlo says:

      Part of the fun! ;)

    • jeremypeel says:

      Heh, you’re right – my comment sounds more like grumpyness reading it back than the mild amusement I was actually feeling.

      The surprise is a planned trilogy of full-length spin-off games about DOG.

    • RedFred says:

      Welcome to the internet. Please enjoy your stay.

    • Thermal Ions says:

      No surprise there – actually quite the opposite – it’s expected.

  13. Zeeky says:

    You really want 10 RMB? that’s like 70 US cents.

  14. MajorManiac says:

    Surely a surprise is unpredicatable. So I’m hoping its something no-one has thought of.

    Valves current IP is fantastic, but wouldn’t it be better for them to create even more new games?

  15. Sarble says:

    The surprise will be… Portal 2.

  16. jockey says:

    Left 4 Dead 3 AND FOUR, ha-ha!

  17. manintheshack says:


    No. It would be better if they just released Episode 3.

  18. Mythar says:

    You read that post in the voice of GLaDOS

  19. Taillefer says:

    The surprise is that nobody reads each others comments and shout the same jokes into the ether.

  20. Asskicker says:

    Episode 3 PERIOD

  21. Tei says:

    “Counter-Strike 2 Terrorist Zombies”, a tactical singleplayer game where you have to rescue survivors from a zombie infected city. Will play in a strategy map (much like X-COM), but the deployement will play like a Tactical FPS, where you give orders to the other members of the Squad.

  22. patrick says:

    Was I the only one reading that in glados’ voice in my head?

  23. Nobody Important says:

    Steam for Linux.

  24. Antlia says:

    Gabe Newell is the living prove that the cake is not a lie, so the surprise can’t really be cake related.

  25. Jimmy says:

    All valve gamers (myself included) will be asked to put on their headphones simultaneously at a given time, participating in an online witchcraft experiment. At 1:00 into the little song, everyone’s head explodes.

    You heard it here first.

  26. Matt says:

    Snap @ June 14th birthday woot!

    Please Valve make this the best birthday evar.

  27. westyfield says:

    I bet no-one else read that In GLaDOS’ voice like I did…

  28. Tally says:

    Portal 2 starring Gordon McBadass Freeman is Episode 3. Valve saves development time and money. Snow environments as sterile and white as those in Portal 1. This is what will happen.

    Damn, it’s already been suggested but I’ve worked to hard to waste it.

  29. Lambo says:

    “Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.”

    I would murder at least several kittens for that job title…

  30. Flimgoblin says:

    Portal 2. The surprise is they were lying about the surprise not being portal 2.

  31. alway says:

    Half Life 2: Episode Portal

  32. Nando says:

    Gordon Freeman meets the companion cube!

  33. JoeDuck says:

    Valve to announce Half Life: the MMO.

  34. Jacques says:

    Could it be, that this is a lie? I mean, I read it in GLADoS, which comes with a heaping load of salt, but could it be just a lie? I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time Valve lied, I mean, really, episodic content was a lie, a lie that allowed for Portal to be born and all evils done by Valve to be erased by its greatness, but still a lie.

    More Games- Check
    Shorter Games- Check
    Less Time Between Games- X

    I love Valve for the things that they do, just not necessarily the ways that they do them, or is it the other way around?

  35. Sorvius says:

    Nobody has mentioned that we could see a Half-Life movie. Even though the story hasn’t been ‘played’ yet, HL the movie would blow my mind to infinity and back :)

  36. Tei says:

    SteamHats. Any hat you win in TF2, will be usable on all other Source games (L4D1, Portal, Counter-Strike, etc..)

    • jeremypeel says:

      Hats in Vampire: The Masquerade and Dark Messiah? I’m in!

  37. b4dmash says:

    You gettting the Demoman to do your dirty work ?

  38. Torgen says:

    Left 4 Portal

  39. Simssi says:

    Ricochet: Source

  40. Moses2k says:

    Alien Swarm: Infested

  41. Unaco says:

    PowerPlay!! Or, at least, a belated endorsement for PowerPlay from John Carmack. For the last 10 years, Gabe has forced some poor Computing Science student to sit in a basement and MAKE IT WORK, using Black Mathematics and human sacrifice! Apparently, that kid is now part of the Internet.

  42. RyePunk says:

    Valve will show how they have merged Plants vs Zombies, Peggle, DotA, TF2, and Portal into a singular game that will be played by wearing a hat. Mark my words Valve will revolutionize the ‘games-in-a-hat’ industry.

  43. jeremypeel says:

    If a Half Life/Portal crossover title is announced, I’ll amuse myself imagining the mute awkwardness of a meeting between Gordon Freeman and Chell.

  44. Premium User Badge

    phuzz says:

    Minerva: Chronoclasm!
    Please Valve? Or at least, after the surprise, put CargoCult in an office and don’t let him out until he’s made some more mods.

  45. Tenorek says:

    I don’t like surprises that don’t end with “episode 3.” I hope I like this surprise.

  46. Froibo says:

    ALL WRONG! Its going to be icefrog’s game

  47. Jaker says:

    They’ll have a real GLaDOS there, who promises cake, but lies and goes berserk flooding E3 with Neurotoxins killing the fat people who can’t run and don’t make it out in time.

  48. Taslo says:

    I finally just got around to playing and finishing the first Portal. Of course I loved it and now the wait begins for the sequel. Gotta figure out what to do until then.

  49. Tei says:

    ValveWearableKeyboard: Keyboards are now for more than typing, wear your PC style around!

  50. nbik says:

    Engineer update :P