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You Scared The Dick Off Me!: Bulletstorm

He must have had a mouthful of jam.

The noise! The noise! Make it all stop! Last year’s E3 Monday saw me safely hidden on an aeroplane from Seattle to LA, having just fished out the big scoop on Left 4 Dead 2. And how pleased everyone was! This year’s E3 Monday sees me in my house, writing They’re Back for PCG a day late. How times have changed. But in filtering through the noise of Microsoft’s daft-looking Kinnn3ckt, or whatever it’s called, Ubisoft’s announcing thirty-million games, and EA shocking the world by announcing there’s to be another Need For Speed game, came one loud cry: “Where’d this giant dick come from?!” That was Bulletstorm.

Bulletstorm, as you may have detected from its name, isn’t exactly embracing subtle. It’s the gaming equivalent of having a joke explained to you with flash cards and sound effects. And it looks pretty damned awesome. This is a game which proudly boasts dialogue like:

“I DO NOT SPEAK TRAIN!”

We saw footage of it last month, but nothing quite as ludicrously overblown and megadramatic as this. Please, I wish to focus your attention on the tether. Then the ensuing bits of tummy and leg.

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John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founders of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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