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Oh Look, A Massive... Privates Trailer

Wahey! But ‘wahey’ in a measured, ‘this will hopefully be helpful for young person’s sex education’ sort of way. Zombie Cow’s Cannon Fodder-meets-venereal disease-meets Ghostbusters condomania title finally gets in-game footage, and it looks like this. Well, like the ‘this’ that is below this. Um. Beneath the cut, then. Yes.

There are some naughty words. There are some gags that may offend people who tend to get offended. You should watch it anyway. It’s very funny.

Obviously, there’s been some controversy around Privates, and the role of men within it. There’s room for some interpretation there, and also about *that* line at the start, which will, I suspect, raise a few hackles. Oh, don’t make me repeat it. Very much a Roger Rabbit Rule situation, I’d say.

Stepping back from individual factors, the broader issue is that Privates needs to be entertaining. It needs to be funny, it needs to be coarse, it needs to not be overwhelmingly serious even whilst documenting a serious subject. Otherwise, well, kids’ll rumble that it’s an educational thing. And then they won’t play it, because they’ll think it’s boring and not cool, man, not cool. If Zombie Cow get the shooting bits right, and make the gags funny (i.e. deliriously crude), those teenagers will hopefully flock to it and thus be stealth-indoctrinated with all-important information about how not to ruin their own and someone else’s life.

Never mind about us grown-ups and our desire for both excellent entertainment and moral forthrightness – risks are worth taking in order to make filthy-minded kids play the thing and understand the even greater risks attached to unprotected casual sex.

(I feel bad being even remotely serious about what’s an extremely amusing, and surprisingly pretty, trailer. But there you go. They can do the gags, I’ll do the solemnity.)

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Alec Meer


Ancient co-founder of RPS. Long gone. Now mostly writes for rather than about videogames.

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