No StarCraft 2 Reviews Before Lunch

The Zerg: Most moist race in RTS history?

In what journalists are calling a “Dick Move”, Blizzard has announced that there will be no reviews of StarCraft 2 before lunch. Would-be reviewers are going to have to wait until after everybody in the office has had lunch before posting their review of the hotly anticipated RTS.

Wait, hang on. Sorry, I misread my RSS feed. Blizzard has announced there will be no StarCraft 2 reviews before launch. Before the game’s launch, on Tuesday, when the BattleNet servers go live. According to Eurogamer Blizzard was “unable to offer an official comment at the time of writing”, though they gather that it’s to do with Blizzard not wanting anybody to play the game without the full suite of BattleNet features. What did you have for lunch today, readers?


  1. Kirrus says:

    A sandwich. At least they’re not trying the APB way…

  2. Elyas says:

    Green eggs and ham. I feel sick.

  3. Askaris says:

    Reheated pizza.

  4. robrob says:

    I had a ham, cheese, tomato and mayonnaise sandwich from the deli in town. You know, the new one opposite where Smith’s used to be. Next to the butchers, yeah, that one. Yes, they do do sandwiches, they’re on your right just as you walk in. Next to the cakes, yeah. It was delicious.

  5. pkt-zer0 says:

    Well, this isn’t really surprising, given the state of the servers at the end of the beta. They really do need that one week to get things up and running properly at launch.

    • Quintin Smith says:

      What were the servers like at the end of the beta? I haven’t played in months.

    • robrob says:

      Quinns, can you stay on topic please?

    • Rinox says:

      I blame the steam influx for these off-topic comments. Also, for everything.

    • Daniel Klein says:

      Dunno what this chap is talking about. Servers were just fine for me a day before the beta closed.

    • Definitely not blizzard says:

      There have never been any problems with the servers ever.

    • pkt-zer0 says:

      Last patch broke things a bit. No custom maps, the game randomly failing to authenticate when launching maps from the editor, number of remaining placement matches going into the negatives. Things were perfectly fine previously, though.

    • randomnine says:

      There was a fair bit of wobbliness in the front end all the way through beta. But… it’s a beta, and they did keep moving the interface around and adding features – so fair enough.

    • Psychopomp says:

      “There have never been any problems with the servers ever.”

      You clearly don’t remember Patch 13 weekend.

    • Thermal Ions says:

      I think you clearly missed the name of the poster :)

  6. Dave says:

    Ham and cheese baguette and 3 pints of Guinness.

    • Auspex says:

      You win at lunch.

    • jeremypeel says:

      Mmm! You sure do.

    • Daniel Klein says:

      Three! That’s excessive! Unless, of course, you’re actually in Ireland. I had a cheap pizza and no Guinness whatsoever, but if that counts I can still feel the effects of last night’s pints. And since we’re on the topic, if you’re looking for a good rock bar in Dublin, Bruxelles is what I recommend. Unless you have to work the next day. Ow.

    • Jerricho says:

      Bruxelles do a good pint of guinness too.

    • Daniel Klein says:

      Absolutely. One of the best. But yesterday was Beamish day. Felt like something spicier.

    • Arnulf says:

      THREE pints? I just love guinness, actually it’s my favourite kind of stout. But after three pints I’d feel doozy. And how do you hold that much liquid?

    • ChaK_ says:

      you don’t, that teh trick

  7. Dave says:

    Nothing yet. I woke up at 11 am and had a Tomato-Mozarella-Baguette for breakfast.

  8. Saiko Kila says:

    They don’t want to get mostly negative reviews. That’s reasonable.

  9. Sobric says:

    haven’t had any yet.

    *feels hungry*

    • pierec says:

      I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday. I blame the heat wave.

  10. Tei says:

    Is weird. Maybe have something to hide… what is weird again, because lot of people have already played the game with the betas, so any bad info I can imagine, is already public.
    The release day will be (of course) horrible, servers will crash, with too much demands.

    Maybe journalist can get some training in spiritist, and start posting news about the past, and doing interviews to dead celebrities. What is the point of journalist, wen you are the last ones to party?

    Is basically, a dick move, maybe to sell a few more box, but nothing important anyway, maybe even will sell a bit less box.

    Do SC2 have unlockables?

  11. Zaphid says:

    Not all that surprising, either you have preordered it ages ago, or you don’t care. Same way MW2 and WoW expansions didn’t really need reviews. I can see the reviews already: Still the same old starcraft, single player is pretty, missed opportunity for innovation, punishing multiplayer, polished to mirror shine, etc. 8-9/10. I don’t care, it’s the best RTS out there and that’s all need to know.

    • Skinlo says:

      Chocolate spread sandwiches.

      wait wat. Its only the best if you like rushing tactics, if not it won’t be.

    • pkt-zer0 says:

      @Skinlo: There are novice variants of the maps that make rushes impossible.

    • Dolphan says:

      As does knowing how to play

    • Janxer says:

      No “missed opportunity for innovation” here.
      The kind of “innovation” that most RTS devs are doing right now would kill the game.
      Changing the fundamental basics of the game would be a missed opportunity to make a solid sequel to the most popular RTS ever.

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      The innovation is the fact you’re so busy at any given point in time after the first ten seconds you never actually get to look at the game which is quite pretty but it really doesn’t matter if you’re so busy herding Drones to mine new things that you don’t get to look at the pretty graphics so you might as well turn those off and because the learning curve is so steep you need a climbing kit to learn how to play better than an angry Zergling swarm you might as well turn the game off and save yourself some time.

      Still, the custom maps should be fun. Were before, anyways.

    • Psychopomp says:

      Oh no, a game forces you to stay constantly involved in whats going on. The insanity. The horror.

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      Right, totally miss my point for a smarmy remark.

      It’s hard to get into, and harder to care enough to get good at. Which makes it a bit like Defense of the Ancients for Warcraft 3 in the way that it was inaccessible enough to not be worth it. You have to be doing twenty different things at any sort of time which might be fine for you but if I’m going to have tactics I want TACTICS not micromanaging every single battle I have so I can forget about my one Ghost with his EMP, or my one Strider thing that I am currently too busy to tell to flank.

      Making a game hard to play isn’t good game design! Hard to master is completely acceptable but if the only people I have the slightest chance of doing well against are other people who also never really play RTSes then is it my fault that I’m dumb or the game’s fault for being so damn complicated?

      Also, the game is really pretty but I never have any time to look at it if I want to win. The constant micromanagement is already enough but god help you if you stop to look at the shiny things because losing ten seconds of not building another marine is disastrous. Sure I can hotkey things again, that’s another thing to remember to do. And what about people completely new to these types of games?

      But since you ignored my earlier point with mocking schoolyard laughter I’m going to assume you’re going to do more of the same except while calling me exotic names like a “berk” so I don’t know why I even bothered.

    • pkt-zer0 says:

      @DJ Phantoon: Your problem doesn’t seem to be that the game is hard to get into, but that you don’t even understand what the game is. Constant micromanagement of units isn’t a concern at lower skill levels. Time and attention is indeed a limited resource you have to manage, but that’s why the game is a real-time strategy game. Wanting to just enjoy looking at the scenery is missing the point of not only this game, but competitive games in general. Players completely new to the game wouldn’t even be playing 1v1 matches, co-op games against the AI and 2v2 are more likely choices.

    • Raum says:

      […] is it my fault that I’m dumb?

      I blame the parents and the school system.

    • kromagg says:

      To get back on topic, I’m actually holding out till the reviews come out before I decide completely.

      Oh and I have to agree with Phantoon. I was in the beta and I really noticed how they made it more, not less finicky. Which is why I’m waiting for the reviews to come out. There are ways to design RTSs that doesn’t involve having to twitch through the game at breakneck pace.

  12. AndrewC says:

    Jerk Chicken And Rice.

    • Jesterrr says:

      Chicken and rice is fine but there’s no need to call him a jerk just for asking!

  13. Jim Rossignol says:

    I haven’t even had any lunch.

  14. Crandle says:

    head and shoulders, toothpaste, and sh*t… biiiiig pieces of sh*t…

  15. FhnuZoag says:

    Wait, how can Blizzard do this? How can they stop people from writing up their opinions of the game?

    • bleeters says:

      They’re not. However, it’s hard to review a game you can’t play yet, which is where trying to review it before the release date becomes difficult if whatever development company/publisher involved isn’t distributing review copies.

    • JKjoker says:

      you can write you reviews but the reviewer might have signed a non disclosure agreement (meaning they have to wait until Blizzard says so) or in the other case they risk Act-Blizz blacklisting them and not inviting their sites/magazines into the advanced show/release party/e3 lookalike for their next game

    • pkt-zer0 says:

      The activation servers are not up yet, the game doesn’t launch. Fairly simple.

  16. bleeters says:

    I cobbled together an end-of-the-week meal, consisting of whatever’s left over between two slices of bread. This week, marmalade and peanut butter. Mmmm!

  17. wellsaidted says:

    Hurrah for Quinns’ triumphant return.

  18. mrpier says:

    Three chocolate chip buns.

  19. Risingson says:

    Fideua, Valencia style (which in most parts of Spain means paella but with thick short noodles instead of rice) which was actually quite tasty, and some lamb chop. And iced coffee.

    • Joe Duck says:

      I’m jealous, I’ve not had a decent fideuá since I left to live in Holland, too long ago.
      I miss mum’s food…
      Anyway, back to business and serious matters:

      Roast Chicken, green beans and an apple

  20. Jubaal says:

    Three bean and tomato soup with a bit of extra spice plus a bagel.

  21. bit_crusherrr says:

    Here’s my review. Starcraft 2 is no where near as fun as Dawn of War: Dark Crusade.

    As for lunch I’ll have a ham sandwich.

  22. Jerricho says:

    @ Dave
    I’m jealous of your Guinness drinking. I’m still at work but there is a pub dangerously close by.

    An Italian Pizza Wrap from Pret followed by a Cadbury’s Wispa.

  23. Krimson says:

    Cheese and Tomato Panini. It was delicious.

    Anyway, I can’t see this whole review embargo thing harming the game. Anyone waiting for the reviews probably isn’t the kind of Diehard Fan Blizzard is targeting.

    Personally, as someone who never played the original game, I watched the recent Story/Recap trailer and felt nothing. Starcraft 2 isn’t being made for me in the same way that the World of Warcraft expansions aren’t made for me as a non WOW player.

  24. ChaosSmurf says:

    Eating prawn cocktail crisps RIGHT NOW

  25. Zogtee says:

    I’m not the slightest bit interested in this or Diablo 3. I honestly don’t know why, because I should be. Games have become so convoluted (sign up for this and that, enter codes for stuff, blah fucking blah), that I’m more interested in seeing what dickery they have come up with this time. Not Blizzard specifially, mind you, but the industry in general.

  26. Curvespace says:

    No food. Just regrets.

  27. Batolemaeus says:

    Way too hot and humid here for anything substantial. Maybe in the evening.

    Also, screw you for luring me into this comment thread by mentioning food in the tags. I don’t care for Sc2..

  28. Auspex says:

    Rabbit stew

  29. dragon_hunter21 says:

    Not much, yet, considering it’s 9:00 AM where I live.

  30. TeeJay says:

    I haven’t even had breakfast yet :(

    /goes looking for nom

  31. klei says:

    It’s just piracy measures, guys. Game will be cracked 4 hours after a working copy is played by a human being – they just want the original to be available in stores before the cracked version. I support.

  32. Premium User Badge

    Frosty says:

    Macaroni and scrambled egg, followed by a side order of gut problems.

  33. clive dunn says:

    Homemade blackcurrant and apple pie (my mums blackcurrants) with hot custard. Mmmmmmmmmm

  34. yangman says:

    It’s 8 minutes to o’ seven hundred here, and I’ve yet to have breakfast much less lunch.

  35. Rinox says:

    Horse steak and fries + a glass of wine and a beer at the company restaurant.

    • TeeJay says:

      Let me guess – you’re in France?

    • Rinox says:

      Close enough, Belgium!

      let me tell you a little something about myself. My father was a relentlessly self-improving Boulanger owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

  36. Coldwave says:

    Oats porridge, tomato, hard coiled egg, pickle and tea.

  37. Nallen says:

    Cornbeef hash and beer.

    It was nice, but it was nothing compared to st-ohfuckit.

    Is it shit then, what’s the deal?

  38. Novotny says:

    Is anyone taking orders? And could I see the wine list?

  39. Ian says:

    Spicy chicken pasta from Asda, a banana, Real McCoys (salt and vinegar) and a twix.

  40. Evernight says:

    WTF are you talking about RPS? Its only 8 AM where I am at! You guys are silly.

  41. LieutLaww says:

    Sausage, Egg and Bacon was for what i had for my lunch oh and a coffee

  42. BurntSuga says:

    The servers were fine at the end of beta

  43. 7 Seas says:

    My guess is it is because they care deeply about the story they are telling in single player, and they want to limit the chances of spoilers.

    After all, the MP is well understood by now.

    I essentially agree with them on this decision. If SC2 gets less than a 9.5 I will be amazed, so it’s not a question of will the game be good, but rather can we preserve its surprises as long as possible.

    • cliffski says:

      so you are convinced a game that nobody has played will get 9.5?
      That really is the ultimate goal of large games publishers hype departments.

      How do I eprsuade people that Gratuitous Space Battles 2 will get 9.5 or more, without letting anyone play it. This is a neat trick, to put it mildly…

    • Garg says:

      It’s not completely unreasonable to say, as the multiplayer beta has been around for months and lots of people have played it. The multiplayer is probably good enough on its own merit to earn at least an 8/10 or so.

    • Nallen says:

      The multiplayer on Supreme Commander was good, the single was a bit shite though and it wasn’t a 95% minimum game.

      The Cool-Aid, you are drinking it.

    • Uhm says:


      Pretty FMVs.

    • Sonic Goo says:


      Spend several decades making highly rated and successful games. It’s that simple. ;)

    • TheHumanBlur says:

      @cliffski : spending monstrous amounts of money of cliched trailers that appeal to the lowest common denominator.
      link to
      And no, i am not bitter . *sob*

    • Jimbo says:

      “How do I eprsuade people that Gratuitous Space Battles 2 will get 9.5 or more, without letting anyone play it.”

      Precede it with an RTS that remains at the top of the genre for 10 years and becomes the national pastime of South Korea. Whilst you’re twiddling your thumbs waiting for that to run its course, develop the most successful video game of all time and have it stay at the top of the entire industry for 5 years straight.

      Come back after that and I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt with GSB 2.

    • 7 Seas says:

      Not sure I need to reiterate what the others said, but since I respect your development I’ll answer your question in the same way.

      Since 1995 Blizzard has made the following games:

      Warcraft II: Tides of Darkness 1995 fantasy real-time strategy game
      Warcraft II: Beyond the Dark Portal 1996 expansion pack
      Diablo 1997 Hack’N Slash
      StarCraft 1998 science fiction real-time strategy game
      StarCraft: Brood War 1998 expansion pack
      Warcraft II: Edition 1999 fantasy real-time strategy game
      Diablo II 2000 Hack’N Slash
      Diablo II: Lord of Destruction 2001 expansion pack
      Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos 2002 fantasy real-time strategy game
      Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne 2003 expansion pack
      World of Warcraft 2004 MMORPG set in the Warcraft universe.
      World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade 2007 expansion pack
      World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King 2008 expansion pack

      Every single one of those games is either a critical lauded, beloved new entry to a genre, or an expansion pack to such a game. They have succeeded in what is arguably the most difficult business in gaming, the MMO. Their games are a national obsession in parts of the world. Their games are played and purchased in volume 12 years their release. Diablo essentially created the action-rpg genre, and has yet to be surpassed, despite not having a serious release in 9 years.

      They take their time, and get it right. Surely, you can appreciate that. While I am a notorious anti-hype ranter, in blizzard’s case the only thing they have to do to generate hype is say “we are releasing a new game”.

      An extensive track record of proven quality, longevity, and attention to detail earns you the expectation of your fans that you will release nothing but peerless superb games.

  44. TheMoo says:

    Had some chinese food, spicy noodles with beef.
    Good stuff.

  45. Cooper says:

    I can -kind of- understand the motive here. The battlenet feature has a much-touted matchmaking system that (I imagine) requires a critical mass of players to function well.

    I imagine there are, of course, other motives in play in restricting reviews (!Hah! Conspiracies. Everywhere… & all that)

    But surely there are loads of games reviewers out there? All gonna be playing the game quite a bit? And isn’t the beta fairly heavily populated?

    If anyone’s happy to comment – in reviewing experience, are matchmaking features often rendered useless / unreviewable by low pre-launch player numbers?

    • Xocrates says:

      @cooper: Reviewers won’t have access to the full game until the game launches on the 27th, and the beta was multiplayer only, so any review made based on that would have to ignore the very promising (and very different from multiplayer) single player campaign, as well as other features like the challenge maps.

      Starcraft may be famed by its multiplayer, but it also had an amazingly strong single player. Reviewing the game without reviewing single player wouldn’t only be very poor journalism, it would also be making the series a disservice.

      • raskolnik says:

        That’s a circular argument, though. Reviewers can’t review it until they get access, and who controls when they get access?

  46. Frankle says:

    I had a BLT but had no tomatoes so just a BL and it was technically my breakfast aswell as lunch.

  47. Nick says:

    Leftover gratin dauphinois made with gruyère.


  48. Novotny says:

    The service here is terrible!

    Just as well I have 5 loaves and a couple of fish here. I’ll try to make it go round everyone

  49. mondomau says:

    Chicken and Peri-Peri Sanvich.

    Blizzard are just being prissy, they know it’s going to get rave reviews everywhere. Unless their development team have spent the last 3-4 years playing tiddlywinks of course.

  50. Dalamar says:

    – salami sandwich
    – chicken/ chive/ ruccola sandwich
    – roast beef sandwich
    – sausage/ curry sandwich
    Some orange juice

    Dee ff-ing licious.