Paper & Paper Roleplaying: Witcher 2 Fun

You get given a whole lot of junk at games conferences. By junk I do mean junk – nasty pens, ill-fitting t-shirts, mysterious plastic shapes, lanyards, low-capacity flash drives, ugly posters… Most of it doesn’t live past the hotel bin. The CD Projekt RED guys, however, came up absolute trumps, combining splendid form with genuinely useful function. Rather than providing a biro and a CD-R full of screenshots, they decided to create an entire alternate Witcher game, stick it in a box, and give it to everyone who came to see the demo.

This is The Witcher 2: Papercraft Of Kings, and it’s the best press kit I’ve ever been given.

They’ve mocked up a full-size PC game box, of the generous proportions, excess of information and glorious gatefold covers we sadly no longer see in this age of identi-DVD cases. Inside is a collection of superdeformed DIY papercraft Witcher characters and weapons, from which you’re encourage to create your own non-linear roleplaying adventures. Aw. Haven’t built ’em yet, but it’s only a matter of time, trust me.

The big, lavishly illustrated box even lists system requirements. Where normally there would be a Pentium 4, here it asks arms. Where another game might ask for a GeForce 7 or higher, this wants Fingers x2 (Minimal; recommended 6). Release date: when folded.

I love it. It’s very cute, very funny and screams aloud just how much these guys enjoy their job.

(Click that one for a bigger version).

Better yet, they’ve included a notepad in the box. Journalists like notepads. Better yet, they’ve filled it in with the details of their presentation for me, to save me the effort. Complete with predicted snark:

And several pages in a similar vein, plus stickers. Honestly, it’s brilliant – silly, covetable yet totally relevant to the game, and a breath of unbelievably fresh air in an age where every other buggers talking about “the product” and “monetisation.” Good work, Polish developers.

More once I’ve built my little square Witcher-folk.


  1. Ignorant Texan says:

    I really like these guys, too. GoG, their ‘DRM only pisses people off stand’, now this. Guess you’re over the gratuitous titties, Mr Meer? (To be fair, they were a bit perky for a woman with an adult child)

    • bill says:

      maybe she’s his mother in law or something? It’d explain why she got over the whole “i killed your son and i don’t care – now help me!” thing so quick.

  2. Caleb367 says:

    this is so awesome i feel my mind exploding.
    Also, the little fact that i have a cold beer in my hand as i read this make it all so much more awesome.

  3. Metalfish says:

    I don’t have anything interesting to say, but I want them to know I approve of this sort of thing. Hence this comment.

  4. Klaus says:

    Can boxhead Geralt have sextime?

    • TwoDaemon says:

      He can if you can imagine it!

      Presumably you’d have to be able to imagine papercuts.

    • Klaus says:

      Well, he’s a manly man. I’m sure papercuts are no problem for him.

  5. Freud says:

    So any fold-your-own-titties in there?

  6. Nova says:

    Very nice looks like something Valve would do.
    I can’t wait for the non-paper version of Geralt.

    • stahlwerk says:

      Call me blasphemous, but I think this is way cooler than most of the stuff valve have done, at least in the pre-release-hype-machine context.

  7. SirKicksalot says:

    I hope “Kill’em all” is a Spartacus: Blood and Sand reference.

    • Nick says:

      Probably Metallica given the other musical references. You never know of course.

  8. Stijn says:

    Of course this could all be the work of some PR firm, not the developers themselves, but originality is great either way.

  9. Brumisator says:

    Did anyone else think “OMG TF2 heavy!” when they 1st saw the rightmost part of the picture?

    This looks pretty fun!

    • Veret says:

      I certainly did. In fact, I’m still not convinced that thing could fold into anything other than everyone’s favorite Slavic madman. Prove me wrong, Alec?

  10. Lars Westergren says:

    A toast, for the Polish! Na zdrowie!

  11. Plinglebob says:

    Its for things like this I bought The Witcher special edition when it was released even though I already owned it and so would have gotten the stuff for free.

  12. RakeShark says:

    You missed on of the best giggles of that press pack Alec. The red tape over Assassin of Kings is in such a way that only the “Assass” part can be seen.

    Ass ass.

  13. Hideous says:

    You guys should just give out all the swag that you don’t want to your readers.

    • Ignorant Texan says:

      Hideous –

      If you’ve ever been to a tradeshow and seen what usually passes for swag, you’d know why they wouldn’t want it, nor would you. ;-)

  14. psyk says:

    Are you going to scan and post the paper craft people?

  15. Fergus says:

    All that does is make me think nostalgically of the days of big game boxes and sigh.

    I’m 23, god dammit. I should not have these kinds of emotions. Where’s the beer?

  16. m_s0 says:

    Na pierwszy rzut oka prezentuje sie to nawet lepiej niz Witcher 2 ;)

    That’s how you catch somebody’s eye. Looks pretty damn awesome.

  17. Jad says:

    Love the “AARDOUKEN!”

  18. Kryopsis says:

    This is brilliant! I especially like the notepad.

    As excited as I am about the Witcher 2, I’d love the Assassin of Kings to visit the Hairdresser of Kings before the release date.

    • Kryopsis says:

      I should specify that I mean the elf, although Geralt could loosen the pony-tail thingy.

  19. Navagon says:

    CD Projekt rock. That unto itself is not news. But the Papercraft of Kings is especially sweet. I know it’s too much to hope for that they’ll bundle it with the game but still…

  20. Wolfox says:

    I’m a big fan of CD Projekt Red. Even more now.

    And that papercraft Geralt makes me want to make a Witcher skin for Minecraft. ;-)

  21. somedude says:

    I would like to second the suggestion that this entire press kit be scanned and posted, as it looks to be at least ten kinds of awesome.

  22. FRIENDLYUNIT says:


  23. Jakkar says:

    I should not be able to love them any more than I did ten minutes ago.

    I do.

  24. jeremypeel says:

    This is hilarious, and exactly what I’d expect from a team who appear to have grown up on a combination of Baldur’s Gate, brains and happy.

  25. Shockedder says:

    Any chance of this making it’s way to the fans ?
    I’d like a my paper Geralt with his tiny paper sword to give the big papery monster a monstrous paper …. cut.
    Also for titillation, paper cube boobies… now with more crumple.

  26. bill says:

    That would be piracy. It’s because of people like you that companies are starting to put DRM on their paper models!!

    • psyk says:

      LOL just been looking around and I can’t find a site that’s posted about this thats included a scan of the plans, so it looks like they have had some kind of warning :( oh well they have a kinda clear pic of 2 of them so someone will make the plans if the people who got them don’t scan them.

  27. Choca says:

    I love the “PS: Geralt dies in The Witcher 4” at the very end of the fake notes.

  28. KingCathcart says:

    For more Papercraft fun visit Cube Craft. They have lots to download, print and make yourself including Gorden Freeman, Companion Cubes and Head Crabs.

  29. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Heh, that’s pretty cool.