Monster Forest: Angelbear Will Eat Your Soul

Hello Mr John Walker. Are you shy? Don't be shy.

I started the day over at Five Players where Emily extols her love for free-to-play Pokemon-esque MMO Monster Forest. Specifically, Monster Forest’s adverts. They’re really quite the thing. “This is the closest you’ll ever come to a fusion between professional video games advertisement and a long monologue introducing porn,” says Emily, “It’s the kind of video that wasn’t even recorded in a studio. It just manifested itself like that video in The Ring. In seven days H.R. Pufnstuf is going to crawl out of your laptop and force himself upon you in a tight, lingering hug.” Go read what else she has to say. Some of the videos and my editorial notes follow…

My particular favourite bit is where 5:02 she informs you that you can have “Human pets”, which sets a whole quite disturbing lifestyle S&M undertone to the whole thing.

This is the one Emily linked to, and has a whole lot more of Angelbear…

I want to know what Angelbear is doing to that Teapot at the end. I think it’s wrong.

You can follow Kanny’s blogging here, where her current interest is doing POV photos at foodstuffs. And… I just had the enormously scary experience of having a video playing in one of my tabs,and me being incapable of finding which one, leading me for one horrific moment to consider it was playing inside my head and I would have GM Kanny chirping at me for the rest of my days.

I need to stop playing Amnesia before bed.


  1. Rich says:

    And I thought Amnesia was scary.

  2. w says:

    Let me be the first to say… “VAT?”

    What’s up? (link to

  3. TheApologist says:

    My brains just squirted out of my pupils.

  4. Isometric says:

    I think I speak for everyone when I say, “I want a human pet”

  5. Schaulustiger says:

    Uh, thanks, but all the japanese cuteness I can bear I already got from Recettear. If I watch these videos my head will surely explode in a huge burst of fluffy clouds and rainbows.

  6. D says:

    Take a look. I think it’s not right.

    • Dominic White says:

      Somehow, I am jealous of this strange angel-bear creature.

      That is not right.

  7. DigitalSignalX says:

    It puts the pet in the bucket…

  8. HexagonalBolts says:

    is it bad that I want to write everything in engrish now?

  9. smokingkipper says:


  10. Dominic White says:

    On a less horrified note, if anyone is looking for a Pokemon-ish MMO, you’d probably be better off with Shin Megami Tensei Online.

    link to

    Post-apocalyptic setting, and rather than summoning cute electric mice, you’re summoning demons, lovecraftian horrors, incarnations of deities and obscure creatures of myth and lore from around the world.

    It’s not great, but it’s pretty good for a free-to-play game.

  11. Fred Wester, CEO of Paradox says:

    What the frak.

  12. RogB says:

    simultaneously aroused and horrified.
    that bear freaks me out

  13. Gothnak says:

    She really shouldn’t talk about ‘furry sleeves’, i zoned out completely for a moment…

  14. kyynis says:

    Those videos made my face go permanently :3

  15. Tei says:

    She can have me as pet, I approves.

  16. Tom O'Bedlam says:

    It can’t just be me who’s a little unnerved by the sexually aggressive pointing finger in the tutorial.

  17. pipman3000 says:

    wow that is one fat ass moogle

  18. track02 says:

    Well, I won’t be sleeping for the next year.

  19. John Fellows says:

    There was ads for this aaaaaall over Singapore, but they seemed to be pimping the “star” Kanny Theng more than the actual game. Kanny is a Singaporean celebrity known for her D-cups and being in some kind of weird J-Pop/high-class call girl outfit called “The D-Cup Girls”. I know all this off the top of my head because I’m a culture vulture and not because I spent several days stalking her across the city.

    Oh, there’s actually a game too!

    • Dreamhacker says:

      Perhaps most frightening is the fact that this is not the most frightening thing to come out of Singapore…

      Seriously, go read William Gibsons impressions of Singapore! George Orwell couldn’t have done it better himself!

  20. Wulf says:




    So, here’s an interesting thought: Is this perhaps the most transparent instance of human characters being shoehorned into something just so that people have a point of familiarity to latch onto? Considering that the pets can equip items, and that they fight the battles, it seems like the ‘trainers’ are just vanity pets that follow the actual focus of the game around.

    Really, all you’d need to do is switch the walking order so that the player takes control of the ‘pet’ to make that obvious. It’s fascinating, really.

  21. stahlwerk says:

    Is Angelbeea minion or archfiend to Horace?