The RPS Electronic Wireless Show 44

It’s Christmas in September! During the RPS summit yesterday the lot of us somehow found time in our packed schedule of shouting and dueling to do a podcast, making this the first RPS Electronic Wireless Show to feature five whole RPS writers. Hopefully hearing all five of us speak at the same time will finally dispel the rumours that John Walker is a character created and voiced by Kieron, Kieron is nothing but a fiction written by Alec Meer, and that I am a figment of John’s imagination. Download the podcast here, subscribe to it via RSS here, or get it on iTunes from here, abstractly, except it’s still not updating for no discernible reason. You can manually add the RSS feed to Itunes though, which works perfectly. Meticulous timetabling of our conversation follows…

00:01 – An intro jingle! We have an intro jingle now. Tell your friends!
00:04 – Alec tries rapping over the intro jingle. We probably won’t have an intro jingle anymore.
01:22 – I didn’t actually know what an “AGM” was at this point, but didn’t want to seem stupid while we were recording.
02:55 – John attempts to prove he is not, in fact, a bad healer. All are unconvinced.
05:57 – We’ve finally played IGF winner Monaco! The countless tentacles of our conversation begin to ensnare the experience.
06:37 – “There’s nothing worse than a boob in a dungeon.” “A gelatinous boob!” “RUN!”
08:30 – Alec tells the amazing story of how he got banned from a Burger King in Swansea.
11:00 – John’s been playing a strategy game this week. Really? When? We get to the bottom of this madness.
13:00 – Jim thinks all games should have inventories, even if they don’t need them. What? Why? We get to the bottom of this madness.
13:41 – John thinks all games would be improved with a double jump. We ignore this and start making fun of him.
16:52 – We talk through the individual classes we all played in Monaco.
22:50 – Kieron, Jim and I have been playing Ruse. Alec and John don’t care. We are given precisely 2 minutes to talk about why more people should be interested in it.
25:40 – Alec and I have been playing Civilization. We are given a meagre 14 hours to talk about it.
27:17 – I talk about my most recent game of Civ V for what feels like at least 11 hours.
29:51 – John’s been playing Holiday recently. We ask him what kind of game that is.
34:06 – Kieron’s been playing Mafia 2! Not because he wants to play the game or anything, but because he wants to test a theory regarding the objectivity of game mechanics and the subjectivity of videogame narratives. Oh, Kieron.
37:41 – John delivers the most underwhelmed “Right” ever. If you listen carefully, you can actually hear his eyes rolling in their sockets.
38:40 – Mafia 2 spoilers begin… a heated discussion of its more flawed plot points takes place…
43:14 – …and Mafia 2 spoilers end.
43:26 – And we end with a sly dig about everyone’s favourite PC gaming solution.

You can also listen to it right here:


  1. Freudian Trip says:

    Oh my word. Too awesome.

  2. Alex Bakke says:


  3. pakoito says:

    Wait wait wait…you’re English?

  4. Kieron Gillen says:

    Alec’s Big Mac story still makes me laugh.


  5. balooba says:

    Don’t think they’re updating on itunes properly- still lists #41 as most recent.

  6. Xercies says:

    I would get a toy of each of you definitely!

  7. Skusey says:

    You lovely people.

  8. PaulOHara says:

    I’m noticing a real slow download of the latest episode, with it timing out. I’ve taken the iTunes subscription out and replaced it with the RSS feed addy, and I’m still having this problem.

  9. airtekh says:

    Oh my. Five members of RPS in one podcast? My ears have exploded in disbelief.

    Does this mean that Quinns’ name will be appearing at the bottom of the site? Has the fantastic four become … er, .

    • mlaskus says:

      Don’t kid yourself, Quinns is a fictional character. One of the other chaps was using a different voice or they hired an actor to make fools of us!
      Really, expect a half joking half apologizing video, “We are gamers and we played a little game with you”, any day now…


    • Heliocentric says:

      Its True. Only Jim is known to be real.

      He was proven using *science*.

    • RodeoClown says:

      Quinns is the D’Artagnan to RPS’ Three Four Musketeers.

  10. Bastian Bechtold says:

    I would like to point out that your iTunes feed is slightly broken. Its like a window in former times and showcases words from days past. What I want to say is: The iTunes feed actually only goes up to episode 41.

    Could you fix this please?

  11. Mike says:

    Go on Keiron, tell ‘im!

  12. LewieP says:

    On Inventories:
    RE4 is a perfect example of a game that is made loads better by it’s inventory.

    Deus Ex probably goes without saying.

    • Nick says:

      shame they buggered it sideways with RE5.

    • Psychopomp says:

      I quite liked 5’s.



    • Nick says:

      I’m not sure which is more illogical.. being able to carry 6 guns or the guns being the same size as an egg.

    • Psychopomp says:

      Or a huge, invisible, attache case that you pull out of nowhere in the middle of a fight.

      They couldn’t very well have a huge grid inventory in a *co-op* action game.

    • Nick says:

      true, but then I didn’t want a coop game I wanted a resi evil game ¬_¬

      Still, it wasn’t bad, aside from having too many stupid insta death QTEs.

  13. colinmarc says:

    despite listening to the introductions several times, my american ears still have a lot of trouble putting names to voices consistently… but I enjoy the podcast regardless!

  14. AlliterateA says:

    John, Kieron. You two seriously need to just get it other with and fuck. The sexual tension was palpably oozing from my headphones.

  15. bhlaab says:

    I have more issues with Mafia II’s story being entirely static rather than its actual quality. It seems as though they are game developers who wish they were making a film instead.

  16. Andytizer says:

    Guys please put out more podcasts because I really enjoy them! I listen whilst I am shelving library books (I’m a librarian). When I first discovered the RPS podcast backlog last year I listened to them back to back for weeks worth of books. It’s been far too long since the last one.

  17. Tomski says:

    I’m not sure what microphone you used this time but it’s got you in stereo. Which makes it sound like you’re sitting around my room, which is a bit surreal.

    Anyway, more regular podcasts please!

  18. Peter Radiator Full Pig says:

    You got to play Monaco? Holy crap.
    Will it be released soon? Or was it just that RPS are so good at thieving, you bambozzoled your way into a game.
    Also, if its four player, who got left out? I didnt know from the cast.

  19. juv3nal says:

    Well that ended abruptly.

  20. Miles says:

    It would appear that the Itunes subscription is sourcing from a different feed than the RSS you linked to in the post. RSS: link to Itunes: link to

  21. jarvoll says:

    Very. I wanted to hear the protracted goodbyes!

  22. Kieron Gillen says:

    (Basically, we went to the pub and by the time we got back, John had to go and get his train. And we were probably too drunk)


  23. Xercies says:

    Hmm I’ve been thinking…what about a Rum Doings with everyone including Nick.

    Though the awsomeness of that would probably create a singularity that will destroy the world. It would be worth it though!

  24. alice says:

    If I were a woman of unlimited means, I would hire the five of you to solely play computer games and then sit and record podcasts all day. And by “hire” I mean kidnap and hold against your will until the Stockholm Syndrome kicks in.

  25. dustin diamond's sex-tape says:

    the ruse talk reminds me of this killer review i read over at ready up, from one of their freshly hired staff writers:

    link to

    “For years the real-time strategy genre (RTS) has been mired in the turgid, tiberium soaked legacy of Command & Conquer. Once a pioneering game, it’s regular as clockwork sequels have done little to improve the series beyond the occasional graphical overhaul and a handful of new units. The formula always remained the same: build base, farm resources, amass army and storm your enemy with enough troops to ideally drop the frame-rate. Other strategies could be undertaken by the hardcore (like storming a base with a hand full of cigar-chomping commandos) but they were rarely encouraged by a game that was in essence, as subtle as a breezeblock strapped to a nuke. Other series’ emerged, most famously Age of Empires, but were little more than copies in historical garb.”

    destined for great things.

  26. The Dark One says:

    Just when I thought Jim was going to say more things. :(

  27. Tom OBedlam says:

    Hah, I have a lifetime ban from Burger King in sheffield. I was hungover and got a bit shouty because I was five minutes too late for a breakfast. It all got a bit heated.

  28. Tangotango says:

    As someone who hasn’t played Mafia II, I found the discussion at the end a little confusing. What would the difference be between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ dismissiveness?

  29. Dave L. says:

    I have to ask: Why does John seem to be under the impression that colour photography/printing didn’t exist in the ’40s and ’50s?

    This is three times that he’s mentioned that the full colour Playboy centrefolds in Mafia II can’t possibly be period accurate because they’re in colour (once in a piece about how silly they are as a gameplay element, again in the Wot I Think, and here).

    He does realize that not only has colour still photography existed since 1855, but that colour motion pictures have been around since the ’30s (The Wizard of Oz was released in 1939, and Snow White was released in 1937), yes? Why would he think a colour magazine in 1953 is impossible?

    • Kadayi says:

      He’s the Boris Johnson of RPS

    • Simon says:

      Because Playboy wasn’t printed in colour at the time Mafia 2 is set. Simples.

    • AndrewC says:

      Yes but such a simple answer would stop Dave L telling us all the things he knows about colour photography.

    • Kadayi says:

      @Simon @Andrew C

      Well if you’re taking that (decidedly anal line of thinking) I think it’s only fair to point out that Empire bay didn’t exist either. The impression I’d gotten was more that John somehow thought the photos were fake, in the sense they were modern day photo shoots make to look old (Ala Mad Men) because they were in colour.

    • Dave L. says:

      Playboy’s centrefolds and pictorials were always in colour.

  30. AndrewC says:

    What was Jim doing while the rest of you were talking?

  31. Στέλιος says:

    Intro jingle? Does this hint to a Bitmap Brothers RPS game? Sounds like it (especially with Alec’s “rap”).