Privates: Satisfy longer!!Longer-lasting action!

I could come up with my own penis extension gags to celebrate the announcement of free DLC for Zombie Cow’s splendid free shoot/giggle/educate game Privates, but they’ve done such a good job themselves that I really don’t need to bother. Like so:

Zombie Cow Studios and Channel 4 to offer PENIS ENLARGEMENT.
=~~ DO YOUR MANHOOD NEED MORE? практические методы разработк
Satisfy longer!!Longer-lasting action!text-decoration: underline;”>

After the huge, throbbing success of this summer’s PC-EXCLUSIVE side-on shooter Privates, Zombie Cow Studios and Channel 4 are delighted to announce there’s some totally-free DLC on the way.

“We’ve decided to go all-out and make a whole new adventure, this time set inside a gentleman’s bits,” said Dan Marshall from Zombie Cow Studios. “We’re also planning to cram in new gameplay mechanics, new enemy types, new locations, and a new player character. It’s not just more of the same, although it’s DLC so clearly some of it’s going to wind up pretty similar.”

“The Privates DLC will obviously be strictly PC-only, and should be available round Easter time 2011.”

“Do you know who he said those quotes to, though? He said them to himself for his own press release,” sneered Rock, Paper, Shotgun’s Alec Meer.

More Privates! Yay! Intra-penis adventures! Yay! Although isn’t it just going to be one long, very narrow tunnel and then a couple of cave-things? There must be more to it than that. God, I know so little about the inner workings of Alec Jr. It’s embarrassing. Thank crikey there’s to be a game that will help me understand how the old chap works.


  1. JohnArr says:

    Great, another corridor shooter.

    (also, woo!)

  2. markcocjin says:

    “Inter-penis adventures!”

    So does that mean there’s some homosexual monkeybusiness to be expected here?

    • joe balls says:

      You’re doing it wrong. And by ‘wrong’ I don’t mean mano a mano. I mean peno a peno. Just, you know, so we’re clear.

    • Shamanic Miner says:

      Before the internet I would have agreed with you but I’ve seen that vido of that woman with the dild……

    • Shamanic Miner says:

      ooops, typo. My eyesight isn’t what is was.

    • AlexW says:

      Intra-penis. Inter- would require two, intra- is just inside the one. Pet peeve of mine, actually, like calling civilisations of the scale in Mass Effect, Star Wars and the like ‘intergalactic’ when they’re only intragalactic (NJO an exception).

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      The keys are like right next to each other.

    • TeeJay says:

      Docking? Meatotomy?

      link to

    • Burc says:

      I’m not going to click that link. Never.

    • Shamanic Miner says:

      It appears that Meatotomy is the practice I was referring to. Even the comments for this game are educational.

  3. Nathan says:

    I wonder how many Journo’s inboxes this announcement was caught up in

  4. Mike says:

    Just had to check the author of the post to enture that Quinns didn’t call his Captain Corrigan “Alec Jr.”. That would’ve just been weird.

  5. Taillefer says:

    “…isn’t it just going to be one long, very narrow tunnel and then a couple of cave-things?”

    Not that long.


  6. Robin says:

    I can’t believe they’re wasting more time on this.

  7. Lambchops says:

    He;s taljing about his cock!


  8. MD says:

    Seems like they’re doing well for themselves, which is good. But I want them to make more graphical adventures!

  9. Axez D. Nyde says:

    The world needs more educational stuff like that. But then again, some of us might not have been born to read this now.