Hay! Farming Simulator 2011 Demo

Coo, it's quite pretty.

After the excitement of last night’s Antiques Roadshow demo, I’ve got the adrenaline buzz. I need another fix. Something, anything! Oooh, Farming Simulator 2011. Can it be only a year since Farming Simulator 2009 wowed us all? (FS 2010 is mysteriously absent.) A nation was taken with farm machinery fever, as fields were ploughed, straw was baled, and memberships to UKIP were renewed. So it’s time to dust off your work boots, grab your tractor keys, and madly insist on endangering children with Daylight Saving Time, via the demo of this latest version.

Farmers don’t have the internet, right? Good, phew. This demo contains two missions from the full game, one involving harvesting corn, the other baling hay. Which is a bit of a shame, since one of the missions in last year’s demo had hay baling, and it’s hard not to compare it to the halcyon memories.

Both involve driving your tractor laboriously up and down a field, at a very, very slow pace, but one of them at least includes getting to poo out a hay bale every few seconds.

I have a new-found respect for farmers (that I’m somehow failing to apply here) after attempting to complete either mission. After four lengths of the cornfield I decided to see if tractors can swim. Tractors cannot swim.

Then I thought I’d try to drive over a fence onto the road, where my tractor, in season and out of control, attempted to mount one of the passing cars.

The result was a pile-up. A lot of drivers involved were apparently sealed into their cars with concrete.

Instead I switched to bale making, which kept me entertained for three poos, but then there simply being stuff on the horizon led to my charging off into the distance.

I tried a bit of off-roading, some hill climbing, and some car-tipping. With that done I was absolutely exhausted, so popped to the local for a half. And got stuck on a table.

A typical day on the farm.


  1. pakoito says:

    I just got banned for a week from an MMO forum because I suggested that some of the korean players were moving to this game.

    • pakoito says:

      Also, I have a friend who’s the son of a farmer and has used tractors a lot and he says it’s not very accurate.

    • Joshua says:

      Simulator 2009 really wasn’t. The Tractor there handled like a car from Re-Volt.

    • FatBird says:

      Welcome to the pathetic world of political correctness. You are no longer allowed to make honest observations.

  2. WiPa says:

    I lol’d many times.

  3. Navagon says:

    I was wondering if you were going to cover this game when I saw it pop up on Steam. I wasn’t disappointed. :D

  4. garrett says:

    Simulating never felts so stimulating.

  5. jaheira says:

    John is v. funny, as Bridget Jones would say.

  6. Gabe Kotick says:

    “Does FS2011 have an item store? If so I’ll buy it.” < Actual quote from a TF2 player.

  7. LionsPhil says:

    I like how apparently buying that drink put you into debt.

  8. Teronfel says:

    WOW,this game is so great!!!!! I love it!

    Always wanted to be a farmer:D

  9. Pew says:

    I doubt that white car had a consensual mounting experience with your tractor :(

  10. Alaric says:

    If there is an activity that is more boring that simulated farming, I should very much like to be alerted of it. In my later years I will partake in the said activity, thusly making my life last much longer, at least in my own perception.

  11. DiamondDog says:

    Pooing out hay bales? Is that typical farmer lingo?

    • The Walker says:


      As a goat farmer, I usually call it shit shoveling. What this game doesn’t simulate is the nostril-burning smell that permeates every article of clothing that you happen to have on after sweating your ass off and shoveling shit in a barn for two hours in humid 100 degree weather.

      They should make a game that simulates the bruises and headaches that come with taking care of goats, who will do everything they can to destroy the infrastructure you build around them for the sake of their well-being. Try to feed em? They’ll headbutt you out of the way. Fence ’em in? They’ll tear that shit down. Give ’em a water bucket? They’ll shit in it and then knock it over. Give ’em a tub to drink from? They’ll shit in that too, and then lie down in it when it’s empty and cover the bottom with the dirt and shit that’s caked onto their hooves. Milk ’em? They’ll kick that bucket over too, and if you use a milking machine they’ll try to kick that off (possibly injuring themselves in the process). Give ’em hay? They’ll drop half a bale a day on the ground, then shit, piss, and trample on it until it forms a half-foot-deep layer of rotting detritus. And if all that combined with fighting until their heads bleed gets ’em sick they’ll get diarrhea and possibly shit on the milking stand/you.

      So a word of advice: If you’re going to get dairy goats, go with Saanens over Nubians. Saanens are bigger, but Nubians tend to be angrier. Also, if you see a buck, stay away. They piss in their own beards when they’re in heat. No joke.

      (On the upside, baby Nubians are the cutest little animals on the planet, and goat cheese is DELICIOUS.)

    • DiamondDog says:

      You know what, I appreciate the detailed and informative response. If I ever consider goat farming you can bet I’ll be sticking with Saanens. Although, goats don’t sound like very fulfilling animals to farm.

      Plus, having spent most of my childhood out in the countryside, the smell of a shit covered barn is one I’m familiar with. Never had to shovel any, though.

    • The Walker says:

      They’re alright, really. Even I’m getting a little attached to them, but after the summer our farm had it feels good to vent a little.

    • Nick says:

      goats cheese is the best cheese ever.

    • DeepSleeper says:

      What’s a nubian?

    • The Walker says:

      @DeepSleeper A Nubian is a dairy goat with big floppy ears. They look like . Kidding season (when they all have babies) looks like .

    • The Walker says:

      @The Walker I screwed up that HTML something fierce. Have some URLs.

      link to imgur.com

      link to imgur.com

    • Armyofnone says:

      Rock Paper Shotgun: Now with 100% more enlightened discussions of goat farming and tractor pooping. Keep on keeping on, guys!

    • JB says:

      @TheWalker – OMG those kids are devouring that…kid

      link to imgur.com

  12. skalpadda says:

    “They piss in their own beards when they’re in heat.”

    Don’t go giving John ideas.

  13. ZIGS says:

    Farming Simulator huh? Can you fuck sheep?

  14. anduin1 says:

    harvest moon > this

  15. Pace says:

    John is still the best.

  16. BobsLawnService says:

    So is this anything like Maxis’ Sim Farm?

    Just about anything management/sim based can be fun if done right.

  17. bill says:

    Does it include going out at 3am in a truck with floodlights and shooting rabbits?
    Or just using all your land to build houses and renting them out?

  18. Brumisator says:

    Best screenshots ever.

  19. leeder_krenon says:

    i expected a more serious take from the world’s foremost gaming site on this, the most important farming simulation release in years.

    • Lilliput King says:

      I have no problems with his opinion, just with how he expresses it.

      Besides, track-tar is the correct Roman pronunciation.

  20. UncleLou says:

    Very funny. :D

  21. Oozo says:

    Ah, “Farming Simulator” – Switzerland’s prime game export!

    (And yes, even though that’s nothing to be proud of per se, what with competition in this country being quasi non-existent: That game sells like crazy. The number of people interested in drowning tractors and pooing out hay bales is surprisingly high.)

    • Kdansky says:

      Switzerland? Hold it! That’s a German company!

      And you guys should really go watch the trailer on steam. It has dramatic music and dramatic panning.

    • Oozo says:

      Technically, nope .
      The publisher, Ascaron (the poor guys who have to take all the malice from people like John Walker), is German. The developer, though, is Giants Software – based in Zürich, Switzerland. (But it’s such a common misbelieve that I tend to think Giants Software prefer to keep it a secret, actually…)

      And yes, EPIC trailer!

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      All I got out of that was that the Germans have invaded Switzerland.


    • Oozo says:

      Because the Swiss army was busy invading Lichtenstein – BY MISTAKE!

  22. wm says:

    That’s not a tractor, that’s a COMBINE HARVESTER. Some farmer you are.

  23. James says:

    Thanks John, you’ve just brightened up an otherwise miserable day :)

  24. Mike says:

    I like the speedboat in the background, as if the game wants to remind you that there are more fun things you could be doing.

  25. MrSafin says:

    My grandfather was a farmer, but he had vines and some cows.
    During the last vine gathering (how do you call it in english? Had to resort to WordReference.com) I learned how to drive tractors. It’s very cool.

    • Bob Bobson says:

      Gathering ripe crops is called “harvesting” in general. If I was doing it by hand I would call gathering vine fruit “picking grapes” but if I was using a machine it would be “harvesting grapes” or “harvesting vines”.

  26. TooNu says:

    Ok well I watched the trailer 3 days ago and now I should also play the demo.

    BTW Railworks 2 is out and you should all watch that trailer, it looks like fun.

  27. Jonathan says:

    The second-to-last screenshot makes farming look awesome.

  28. Liquidated says:

    Dunno what exactly that tractor is pulling in the front page picture, but when I saw it before reading the headline, I thought it was some new Minecraft project..

    This is the Minecraft Dev Log Outlet isn’t it?

  29. Thelonious says:

    At the risk of sounding like a certain disgruntled Norwich radio host, I doubt you’ll see many farmers in UKIP. They love their EU subsidies.

    • jon_hill987 says:

      Wrong. They are mostly pissed off about the fact that they all go to Spain. In Devon at least UKIP is popular with farmers.

    • phuzz says:

      I think the stereotype John should have gone for was the Countryside Alliance, although as far as I can tell they’re basically just a pro-hunting* group with nothing else constructive to say about the countryside.

      (* note for ‘mericans, in this context that means hunting foxes with dogs)

  30. drewski says:

    I’d actually buy a farm management simulator if it wasn’t a) mission based and b) based around the tedious bits like driving tractors.

    Farm *Manager* 2011? Here my monies.

    • Gaytard Fondue says:

      It’s not mission based, the missions are just part of the tutorial. And you can hire slaves or chinese children to do all the driving, although that wouldn’t be much fun either, since the farm “managment” aspect is pretty much non-existent.

      And don’t make me feel like retard because I know such things. It’s my job.

  31. Matthew says:

    Surely there’s tie-in potential with the Yeo Valley rappers?

  32. Gaytard Fondue says:

    And yeah, I like forgetting words like “a”…

  33. Skusey says:

    While this is funny, Jim linked to The Wurzels in his 09 coverage. Jim wins.

  34. Lack_26 says:

    Still waiting for ‘Call of Farming’ to either open it up to the main-stream community or be Farming crossed with the work of H.P. Lovecraft. I’d prefer the later,

    I would suggest ‘Farming of Cthulhu’ but that sounds wrong if you mention ‘ploughing Cthulhu’.

  35. Brian Manahan says:

    It’s a combine, not a tractor. Get it right.

  36. latterman says:

    Fyi, those casual simulation games are some of the best selling in germany.

    Apart from several farming simulators (this being the most popular) there are simulators for towing, demolitions, public transportation, gardening etc. etc.

    go figure.

  37. Thermal Ions says:

    “FS 2010 is mysteriously absent.”

    Didn’t you hear? There was a simulated natural disaster which wiped crops out that year. They released Primary Producer Disaster Relief Simulator 2010. It comprised filling in multiple electronic forms with almost identical information, submitting them to a Government department, waiting 3 months (game time) to be advised they have been rejected because you didn’t type “Road” in full and they don’t have “xxx Rd” in their database. “Game Over. Do you wish to restart the level?”

  38. Pallustris says:

    Please do not cover a game if you do not interest yourself in this type of game.
    I’ve played the full version over 20 hrs now and I still find it entertaining.

  39. Azazel says:

    ‘Farming Simulator 2011’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as ‘A Tractor’.

  40. Jimbo says:

    Farmers don’t vote UKIP because EU subsidies. Everybody knows that.

  41. cs says:

    The simulation would sell better if you could take a bath after a long day out in the fields.

    What would be even better would be Soviet Tractor Simulator. Working all day in the collective farm. Getting an Order of Lenin and featured in your very own Socialist Realist poster if you meet your goals. Tractoring in Siberia if you fail.

  42. tribal whore says:

    If you want your game to have any replay value you should always allow players to go off the beaten path. Always.

    Far Cry 2, Dirt2 and this game would have been 2 million percent better if they would just let you do “stuff” when you got bored with the main game. (and maybe included a couple dozen over the top cheats (even if they’re buggy) )

    Just Cause 2 realized this! Why nobody else?

  43. stone says:

    Roflolzhaxx0rz! This is so TYPIcal John Walker. Not a bit surprised. Before I had read the first line, I was thinking “how many seconds before he goes banana with a tractor?”.

  44. Dozer says:

    My goodness a spambot. This place is falling to pieces since Keiron left!

  45. Air Max says:

    Totally realize what your stance in this issue. Although I’d disagree on some of the finer details, I believe you do an awesome job explaining it.

  46. Hans says:

    when is the 1,4 patch cominh on steam ?..

  47. Luke Anderson says:

    I totally agree that this is a lovely simulation game for farmers to gain some level of knowledge about farming. I would still say that trying the latest simulator from Mercedes-Benz is a wonderful way to understand how to drive your precious vehicle in difficult situations. It provides the test driver with different road conditions to practice on. I was really pleased to read about it on the CCM-News website. If you are interested to know more about it then view their video on link to clients.ccm-news.com