Eurogameyearenditude: Robot Unicorn Attack

Hello! Eurogamer have been doing their own, inferior to our, end of year celebrations. Basically, they get a load of their writers to do an essay about a game they loved this year. Alec has written some more about Minecraft, but I grabbed the opportunity to hammer out 1000 words about Robot Unicorn Attack. Wherein I say things like…

Like an inexperienced teenager rushing orgasm-ward, Robot Unicorn Attack starts fast and then only accelerates towards its prematurely sticky conclusion. The question is how long you can delay that moment.

And giggle a lot. Read the rest here.


  1. Lewie Procter says:

    You’re a rude one.

    • BAReFOOt says:

      Straight after reading the above about orgasms and teenagers, I read your comment as “You’re a nude one.”. Whatever that would mean…
      I blame you, Kieron, for putting these pictures in my head! ;)

    • Rei Onryou says:

      This is why we come to RPS. Awesome how Eurogamer let you write in your KG way completely uncensored and with so many RPS plugs. Bravo!

      You, sir, deserve some Skaven!

  2. Jambe says:

    Had a wry smile on my face for that whole article. Well done, sir.

  3. BooleanBob says:

    Christ, GIllen, I’m too hungover for this.

    Also, speaking of games which can be played for 10 minutes or (often) more, it’s a crime that RPS didn’t write more about how supremely excellent Super Crate Box actually was. Is. Wis.

    That game was great gravy.

    • Lambchops says:

      This is true.

      I was horrendously awful at that game but through sheer bloody persistance eventually managed to complete a couple of the levels. I shudder to think how many attempts it took me to get past the bloody tutorial.

  4. jeremypeel says:

    Sitting here at RPS, it seems your year has been defined by trying to find time to play games, KG. Are you going to become specialist reporter on 10 minute wonders?

    Solipskier was my trundling-towards-inevitable-doomer of 2010. I know RPS posted about it at some point, but here it is: link to

    The coupling of the name with its clever twist of letting you create the landscape rather than traversing it is… wonderful. But it’s only the start of many hours of catapulting a man in skis at great speed over nothingness towards a place to land that isn’t there yet.

    • Jad says:

      Solipskier is great. Everyone should play it.

      For those with iPhones/iPods, it’s currently in a Humble Bundle-inspired indie charity sale for real cheap. (along with a bunch of other great games, like Canabalt and Osmos and Drop 7 and Spider)

      And on that note: I’m going to have to go buy Robot Unicorn Attack for my iPod now, aren’t I?

  5. Meat Circus says:

    The most fun you can have with your pants off.

    I’ve spent countless hours vigorously ransacking my dignity to the iPhone version, and have, at last, broken the 100K barrier. Now I’m 1/7th of the way to being the best in the world!

  6. Maykael says:

    RPS taking over Eurogamer win! The Minecraft article is also excellent. KG is still batshit crazy awesome. No way we gonna let you quit games journalism without a fight! :)

  7. Laneford says:

    I thought I’d got over you KG, until you publicise your love for THAT BLOODY UNICORN all across the interwebs!

    Have you no shame sir?

  8. the wiseass says:

    Obligatory “who is this Kieran Gillan?” comment.

  9. Lambchops says:


  10. Tei says:

    “I love it for that. I love it because it’s a joke game which isn’t. It’s funny, but it doesn’t view that as a reason not to be the best it can be”

    I think I am on the position to do a subjective analysis here.

    RUA is like love itself. Love is Ridiculous and Awesome, Ridiculous Awesome, Awesome and Ridiculous.

    In love we fail, we are humans and fuckup things, but you can’t stop.
    With RUA, the music don’t reset wen you die, it just continue.
    With life, you can’t stop feeling what you are feeling, just react in different ways to it.

    So RUA is faithful to how humans feel. Love, really, … with all his fluffy, lalala, happy happy things that have in it, really is Terrible. Terrible because can destroy you, nuke your feelings, depress you, or raise you to the heavens.

    So probably the joke lies there, “love is ridiculous”, “love is awesome”. “love is a unstoppable force of stupidity”

  11. Okami says:

    Even though my teenage years are thankfully long past, it’s still nice to know in retrospect that some things seem to be universal. Though it has to be said that that Robot Unicorn attack is better and way more satisfying than teenage sex. It also has a way better soundtrack (though that’s not hard, everything is better than Brian Adams – DON’T LAUGH!!).

    • Lambchops says:

      There surely can’t be many songs which would kill the mood more than that bloody song from the Robin Hood film.

    • Cooper says:

      Kid A

      Inexperience and the recent consumption of vast amounts of cheap cider aside, leading in with Mr Yourke singing ‘Everything in its right place’ was never going to lead to anything good.

    • Okami says:

      Actually it was “Please forgive me”.
      On repeat.
      The whole time.

    • Legionary says:

      @Okami: at least you only had to listen to it once, then.

  12. Cooper says:

    I was disappointed by the Eurogamer comments (as always). The first poster kicked in with the chorus and it wasn’t completed.

    I came here, expecting better from you lot. But see that Lambchops was shot down.

    Today RPS commentors, you sadden me… I was hoping for a sing-a-long :(

  13. edwardoka says:

    Oh dyslexic Old MacDonald, you’re doing it wrong. Its E-I-E-I-O.

  14. Dominic White says:

    The Metal version of Robot Unicorn Attack features a Blind Guardian track.

    Blind Guardian are to metal what Erasure are to pop. This is as it should be.

  15. SuperNashwan says:

    This comment from EG tickled me: “I quite like Gillen appearing every now and again, like the sexy ex girlfriend you never quite get over and admire for a short while and then remember that the bitch left you damnit! Then you go to your room and cry.”
    Mostly because I suspect Kieron likes turning up to the party like the sexy ex, knowing that she’s still the best you ever had, flirts with you just to tease and then fucks off again having satisfied herself that however hurt you were, you still really want her. Come back to us KG!

    • Lambchops says:

      I was aiming for a Gillen-esque similie there (some enterprising fellow nicked the username ‘Lambchops’ before I got there – fortunately nobody ever nicks OrgasmicMutton!).

  16. mwoody says:

    You are in a small clearing. Sunlight gleams through the canopy of trees above. There is a large rock here.

    Valid directions are NORTH, SOUTH, ORGASM-WARD, and DENNIS.


  17. Premium User Badge

    Gassalasca says:

    I love how, for all intents and purposes, the heavy metal version is gayer than the original. :D