Oh My God The First Serious Sam 3 Screen

Whoah! This just got... SERIOUS!

A headline perhaps better located at the top of Friday’s Thief 4 post, but whatever. Croteam have posted the first screenshot of Serious Sam 3 on their Facebook page, with more to come on Monday. My comprehensive and deranged analysis follows. WHAT could it MEAN?

Pour a drink, fellows, and join me in my digital reverie.

  • RIGHT! That’s a monster behind those bars if I’ve ever seen one. Not that I’ve ever seen an actual monster. Unless you count my Uncle Charles. Anyway, look at those guns! Those look like suitably over-the-top guns for Serious Sam. I bet they’re called something awesome, like BONEMELTERS. What do you think they’re called, readers?
  • Look at that thing’s face! He’s having a great time! G’wan, son!

Man. It’s like Steve Buscemi slept with a beef tomato.

  • That’s Arabic script in the background. Can we deduce a real world setting, like the first Serious Sam? That was the best one. This is probably a good thing. Unless they’re making Serious Sam: Modern Warfare. Actually, that might be amazing.
  • Those walls are covered in bullet holes. Is this a human/alien warzone? Is Serious Sam fighting on the frontlines of a human/alien war? Wouldn’t that basically make him Duke Nukem?
  • I am now wondering what we can expect to see in and around that alien’s crotch when it turns around.
  • Oh god, i’ve just given brain-birth to the worst mental image
  • cannot unsee what has been unseen

What can you deduce, readers?


  1. wazups2x says:

    I’ve been playing Serious Sam HD: SE lately because of the recent free DLC. It’s such a great game.

    Serious Sam 3 will be awesome!

  2. Clovis says:

    Hey, that monster that came through here, what did it look like?
    I dunno’. Kinda’ funny lookin’.
    In what way?
    I dunno’. Just funny lookin’.

    (Also I deduce that Serious Sam 3 will be an FMV adventure game)

  3. Kaira- says:

    First DNF, then SS3? It seems that the old-school mindless goody shooters are making a comeback.Or hopefully they’ll be good. Dang, I’m way beyond excited.

    • faelnor says:

      Though I’m dying a little everytime someone says MW2 for Modern Warfare 2 instead of MechWarrior 2 I’m usually keeping silent, but I will NOT let this one slide, System Shock 3 has NOT been announced >:(

      What else could SS stand for anyway!

    • mlaskus says:

      Though Serious Sam is more likely to be what he meant.

    • westyfield says:

      Kinda irrelevant, but my friends and I have planned for a while to make a tribute band called SS Club 7. I don’t know why.

    • Javier-de-Ass says:

      the guys that did the necrovision games (ex-people can fly) are also working on a new alien shooter, called Alien Fear. should be out this year. should be suitably GOOD style of fps, not shitty fps like the stuff they make for consoles. the necrovision games were fantastic in any case. oh yeah, my avatar is from necrovision lost company even.

  4. Spacewalk says:

    Those guns are pretty big.

  5. faelnor says:

    I feel a sudden urge to make dick jokes about that monster and Quintin’s post, especially the parts where he says “having a great time”, “bullet holes”, “alien’s crotch” and “my Uncle Charles”.

    I blame Bulletstorm.

  6. Navagon says:

    Is it just me or does that environment look highly destructible?

  7. Teddy Leach says:

    Call of Sam: Modern Seriousness.

  8. JohnArr says:

    The left arm is an ENTROPIC LACERATOR and the right is an APOCALYPSE HOWITZER.

  9. Nighthood says:

    “It’s like Steve Buscemi slept with a beef tomato.”

    We need more games involving famous unattractive actors combined with fruit and vegetables.

    Sylvester Stallone merged with a potato? Mickey Rourke amalgamated with a Butter-nut Squash? The possibilities are endless!

  10. Om says:

    I guess it means that Serious Sam 3 is in development

  11. Javier-de-Ass says:

    hopefully they’re just throwing huge monsters into reused environments from the SERIOUS military shooter they were making.

    that really does look like a headless mancubus

  12. Fumarole says:

    Serious Same?

  13. Oak says:

    So, I’d like to play this.

  14. Nullkigan says:

    Isn’t this actually Serious Sam 2? I vaguely recall someone explaining to me that the second encounter was not Serious Sam 2, just the second half of the first game. An expandalone if you will.
    Of course, this was several years ago and even croteam themselves have probably retconned if the above was ever true.
    One to eight players, optional dedicated servers and insane amounts of enemies please!

    E: Apparently there was an actual Serious Sam 2 and I didn’t do my research properly. What a fool I am!

    • Fatbubba says:

      And I’m an even bigger fool for going all huffy and puffy and search for Serious Sam II to show you you are wrong before reading the rest of your post…..wait, why am I admitting to this?

  15. Gabe McGrath says:

    I want to run backwards, holding fire, again.

  16. Miker says:

    How exactly did CroTeam keep on making money after Serious Sam II? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not questioning their abilities, but I don’t think they made any games between Serious Sam II and The First Encounter HD, and they didn’t license out their engine either. That’s a good four years without a single game on store shelves, so where did the money for Serious Sam 3 come from?

    • Bungle says:

      The two HD remakes generated the money that they’re using to fund this new one. I don’t know where they got the money to remake the first one.

    • Bad Sector says:

      After Serious Sam II they worked on a game which was cancelled. However they were paid for the development of that game.

  17. DigitalSignalX says:

    Not excited. At all. Seriously.

  18. Gabe McGrath says:

    I would pay 20% more for Serious Sam 3
    if we got to blow away a series of “Shoesforking” spammers.

  19. Daiv says:

    In today’s puny shooters people cower behind barrels. Not so in Serious Sam’s day. Serious Sam was all about fleeing like a terrified, heavily armed jackrabbit chased by rocket-wielding wolverines.

  20. bigtoeohno says:

    I don’t appreciate Steve bruscemi puns.

  21. mrwout says:

    Was just playing Second Encounter LAN Co-Op yesterday :p was wondering when this one was coming.

  22. lord_heman says:

    Oh RPS; how you always manage to make me laugh, with your excellent articles :)
    Thank you!

  23. Casimir's Blake says:

    It will mean arenas. And corridors to arenas. And pyramids, lots of pyramids. With arenas in them.

    But little or no level design. Because, you know, minimalism is still so in. Meh.

    (On the other hand, just maybe Croteam have taken all this time to learn from these mistakes… Serious Sam was crying out for lots of Duke 3D-style level design mayhem, but it so rarely even played with differing floor heights, let alone sniper windows!)

    • bonjovi says:

      The only instance that Serious Sam can have sniper windows is when most mobs will be able to climb walls.

      Serious Sam wasn’t about the level design in the normal sense. It was about hordes of enemies, small and large and you running backwards trying to kill them all. you need arenas for that and big empty fields. If you implement more sophisticated level design they will need to change the the core of the game as well. And although it might make a good game, it won’t be Serious Sam any more.

    • Jackablade says:

      It’ll be Serious Sam 2, and we all know how that turned out.

  24. Shark says:

    Just give us split-screen coop and the ability to play with a steering wheel again

  25. Jackablade says:

    Money is that’s the modern incarnation of the Major Biomechanoid
    link to images3.wikia.nocookie.net

  26. WJonathan says:

    The poor fellow’s been knocking politely on the door for an hour. Why won’t they let him in? He just wants a hot falafel!

  27. Cinnamon says:

    Oh my god. Double gun arms on my screen. What does it mean?

    • LionsPhil says:

      It means the game might actually be Fun rather than An Intensely Cinematic Experience™.

  28. James T says:

    WHAT could it MEAN?

    It’s so BRIGHT, so VIVID! I can’t even capture it on my monitor.