Team Fortress: Total War

A ninja would have been more appropriate, surely?

As TF2 continues its transformation into a strange hybrid of Pokemon and ultra-death, another game has revealed exclooooosive in-game items for willing pre-orderers.

In this instance, it’s Total War: Shogun 2 or Shotgun: Total War 2 or Total Shogun 2: War or whatever the hell the naming order is now. There are eight different hats and Japanese-themed killing tools to be had if you punt some money Steam’s way for CA’s upcoming RTS, and they’re available as of today. Looks like you can also buy them separately if you like, too. How many hats are in the game now? All the hats, I guess.

The full list of items and a couple more pics are below, hat-fans.


THE DREAD KNOT…a samurai topknot for the Heavy
THE SAMUR-EYE…a kabuto helmet for the Demo Man
THE GEISHA BOY… a geisha hairdo for the Medic
THE NOH MERCY…a terrifying oni mask for the Spy


THE HALF-ZATOICHI…a Level 5 Katana for the Demo Man and Soldier
THE CONCHEROR…a Level 5 Sashimono for the Soldier
CONNIVER’S KUNAI…a Level 1 Kunai for the Spy
THE FAN O’WAR…a Level 5 Gunbai for the Scout


  1. rei says:

    He should be wearing a kimono.

  2. hjd_uk says:

    Oni Mask & Kunai = WANT. But i’m not paying, ill just have to be lucky or wait until I can craft it.

    • ArthurBarnhouse says:

      Can you craft these? Usually these game exclusives are reskins of regular weapons and then can only be gained by purchasing the game. The Rift exclusive had weapons you could craft, but that’s the exception by and large.

    • frymaster says:

      according to the TF2 blog, they will be craftable and will occur in random drops

    • Qazi says:

      Yeah, they drop. Saw a friend acquire the Half-Zatoichi and Fan-o-War last night as random drops after the patch hit.
      I’d link to his backpack viewer page but that would be rude.

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      The weapons actually all do stuff, and are obtainable through drops and crafting. Don’t know if the wiki knows what the recipe for crafting them is yet.

  3. Death by Toast says:

    The items are also craftable, and can be found via drops in game. You don’t HAVE to spend money to get them thankfully :)

  4. Theoban says:

    If you examine the source code for TF2, it’s just hats all the way down

    • itsallcrap says:

      I’d really love that to be true. Code indentation to produce hat shapes. Valve need to take some programmers off Portal 2 to get that implemented ASAP.

    • squareking says:

      genuine lol, thank you.

  5. Wang Tang says:

    There are 8 new items, not only hats. Sadly, as more hats w/could mean the possibility of dropping hats would increase. And we all know that hats will soon be world currency.

  6. clownst0pper says:

    Why havnt they added costumes yet is what I want to know. Think of the money Valve, think of the money!!!!

    • ArthurBarnhouse says:

      I’d guess that they still need classes to be recognizable in some way.

    • Froibo says:

      Yeah they said way back when they made the game the characters were designed so that you could recognize them by their silhouette. Would be a bit hard with complete new costumes.

  7. Pie21 says:

    I got a creepy Staring Eyes feeling from the top image.

  8. Emperor_Jimmu says:

    This would usually feel a little dirty, however Valve and the Creative Assembly could collectively murder a kitten and I would probably get behind it.

  9. iviv says:

    Eh, I pre-ordered it cheaper on Amazon. At least the items drop so I won’t miss out!

    • GenBanks says:

      Me too. At least that way we get preorder bonuses to enjoy in Shogun 2 rather than in a completely different game.

  10. HexagonalBolts says:

    If any other company started doing this (I think RPS’s phrasing of it was once something marvellously eloquent that I can’t match like ‘charging through the fourth wall like a confused rhinoceros’) then I’d be up in arms, but because it’s valve I just go ‘teeheehee’.

  11. Ogun says:

    Used to really like TF2, then stopped playing it when BF:BC2 came out. If I go back to TF2 now, do I need to know any of this RPG/dressing up stuff or can you still just shoot people?

    • airtekh says:


      The game is the same as it ever was – pure, sun-ripened fun. You can totally ignore the hats and item drops if you want to.

      Some silly people like to pretend that hats have ruined everything. They are wrong. And bitter.

    • hjd_uk says:

      Only thing you need to know is that there are more status effects and weapon-effects now that you might need to look out for.

    • Stupoider says:

      I don’t think hats have ruined everything, but they’ve easily made the experience less favourable. When once TF2’s humour was subtle and charming, the characters psychotically deranged and thus dangerous, the humour is now dry and ridiculous, over the top, silly and lol-so-random. I don’t even want to talk about the characters, who now resemble mascots for other games whilst trying to emphasise the silliness of it all.

      TF2 Style Guidelines
      Couple of things to keep in mind when building things in the TF world.


      Keeping the visual style consistent is important, in that we don’t want anything out of theme or out of date. TF is a stylized world set some time in the 50’s. Nothing modern, visually hyper-realistic, or overly “cartoony.”

  12. Freud says:

    This crossbreeding silliness has reached the stage where I just ignore it. I have in my Dragon Age II loads of locked unlockables and I have no idea which EA game I was supposed to have bought to get that necklace. I don’t really care at this stage. It’s turning more into a disincentive than an incentive. The more your games turn into bait-and-switch the more I will funnel my gaming money towards the Witcher IIs of the world in the future.

  13. airtekh says:

    Well I won’t be getting Shogun 2 as I don’t like strategy games; but it’s nice to know that the TF2 items will drop in-game rather than being totally exclusive to pre-orderers.

  14. sakmidrai says:

    they keep destroying the art style…
    the game is unbalanced and they keep adding weapons.
    : /

    • Squirrelfanatic says:

      Which items exactly appear to be unbalanced (I read this as “overpowered”, correct me if I am wrong) to you?

    • sakmidrai says:

      black box, amputator, shortstop, sticky bombs, huntsman, and some other melee weapons. I cant remember them all now.
      Pyro is not a pyro anymore but an Aero, he just airblast stuff and he has to use a melee buff to do some serious damage, the flame and the afterburn are nerfed very much.
      Demoman is overpowered as hell and you can do serious damage with very low skill (spamming nades and stickies).

      sometimes the game is not fun anymore because its unfair.
      I have 400 hours in it and can play very good Pyro, Scout, Medic and Spy but I have to do 5 things at once to kill somebody as a Pyro while a soldier will just shoot at my feet.

      : /

    • Dominic White says:

      Wait, the PYRO is overpowered now? Well, now I’ve heard the whole set – every class is overpowered. Thus, they must be doing something right.

    • sakmidrai says:

      for me he is very underpowered. even the scouts can laugh at the afterburn and use madmilk to extinguish it.

    • MikoSquiz says:

      The full health restore from the katana seems likely to be the biggest “OMG NOT FAIR” moment inducer, the Fan-O-War looks like it could have potential but be tough to use effectively. The kunai seems pretty useless and the Conch average.

    • ArthurBarnhouse says:

      If the black box was overpowered, I feel like I’d see more people using it.

    • Eightball says:

      It’s funny that you complain about new weapons but cite the demoman, since his key weapons are the vanilla ones…

    • sakmidrai says:

      Demoman was always overpowered. and instead of fixing him they are giving him more and more overpowered melee weapons and the sticky jumper…

    • Froibo says:

      I still don’t get why people are still bringing this up why does every game need to be perfectly balanced? The game is about chaos and hats.

  15. Atic Atac says:

    These item are all crap. I’m sorry…I still love you TF2 but all items released after the polycount update have been crap. TF2 needs regular spice, however this is the dried supermarket kinda spice.

    • Squirrelfanatic says:

      To be fair, most of the items of the Polycount Pack are crap as well.

    • My2CENTS says:

      These days they use TF2 as a marketing tool, so no wonder all of the items are crap and most of them are not optimized for the game itself, thus resulting in constant FPS drops with every new update. I remember before the last Class Update i was able to play this game on my old machine, now i can’t even aim with a Sniper without lagging or warping. It’s kinda sad looking how the game studio itself kills their own baby by converting into a massive marketing asset.

    • Wowza says:

      I disagree. The promo items aren’t “advertising”, they’re more intended for people who are fans of a certain game. You can’t even tell if an item is referencing a specific game unless you’re familiar with the game or knew about the promo. Also, they’ve started adding model optimizations in updates, including this one.

  16. itsallcrap says:

    “Produced by community creator LaroLaro”

    I wonder how many people spend their days designing TF2 hats in the style of upcoming Steam releases in the hope that Valve will give them some exposure/money.

  17. kyrieee says:

    I’m glad I don’t play TF2 because I’d be pissed off if they did this to a game I liked

  18. Cross says:

    At this point, TF2 has degenerated from a game in it’s own right to a bloody marketing tool. I frankly feel compelled to play the beta because it contains actual gameplay innovations like a coaching system, and less bollocks promotional items. (Read: None)

  19. poop says:



    • LionsPhil says:

      Man, I wish people would put away this crap forever.

      Or the graphics settings had a “show stock equipment instead of horrid replacements for things with identical stats” option.

    • subedii says:

      U mad?

  20. Nero says:

    While I still like TF2 (though can’t play it right now since my gfx card is weird) I still gotta say I enjoyed vanilla TF2 much more. Back then I appreciated the simplicity, you saw a class and you knew exactly what weapons it had and you just had to use your class the right way to take him down. Now there’s so many options everywhere that you just can’t know exactly what each class has. Those were simpler days…

  21. cjlr says:

    Fuck hats.

    Pre-ordering on gamersgate got me a free digital copy of Rome gold and $15 in store credit. That’s a much better deal!

  22. Calabi says:

    I dont want hats I want cod pieces. If this game had a selection of cod pieces it would categorically, undeniably be the best game ever.

  23. Peter Radiator Full Pig says:

    Boo hiss, CA. Boo hiss.
    Wheres my Empire multiplayer campaign?

  24. Outsider says:

    Total Shogun War 2: The Shogunning

  25. My2CENTS says:

    What a really bad timing to sell a game related to the Japan history, when such a disaster happens at this part of the world.

    • Deccan says:

      The Demoman’s helmet is a clear homage to Date Masamune, lord of Sendai at the dawn of the Tokugawa Shogunate. Masamune favoured the “swoosh” motif and legend has it that he removed his own eye when it became diseased (whatever the truth, he was one-eyed)
      Given what’s happening in his city right now, this tribute seems entirely appropriate (if coincidental).

  26. Armante says:

    Seriously, Valve.. CAN WE PLEASE STOP with TF2 items for pre-purchasing other games. Some of us DON’T play it, and that stuff is worthless. It’s getting to be a joke.
    For those of you that DO play TF2, good for you. I suppose you might enjoy all the hats and items. The rest of us are over it.

    • DeepSleeper says:

      If you don’t play it, it doesn’t affect you.

      I’m okay with having stuff that doesn’t matter to you. In fact, now I’m going to enjoy having stuff that doesn’t matter to you. Please list more things you dislike so I can enjoy them.

    • Phasma Felis says:

      Wait, are you griping about the existence of promo items for a game you don’t play?

      Gamer entitlement has officially vanished up its own bellybutton.