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Cargasm Is Actually A Thing

It's like London ON YOUR SCREEEN.

We all react differently the first time we learn there’s a game called Cargasm. Jim’s reaction last August was to demand that Twitter come up with other ‘gasm names. Mine was to go into denial until there was video evidence. There is now video evidence.

It sounds absolutely delightful. One is encouraged during the races by your Cargasm Harem. Ahhhh, video games.

“During races, players will be constantly exhorted to go faster by a bevy of Cargasm Girls. If they are fast enough, players can collect these ravishing maidens for their own personal Cargasm Harem. As the players win races, new cars, Ecstasy points and trophies can also be unlocked and uploaded to an online global leaderboard.”

But surely it can’t get any more endearing? Wait!

“The trophies that can be won include Cargasm Rave, Thrust, Lesbos, Orgy, Gigolo, Lothario, Playboy and the most coveted of all, Cargasm Sultan.”

The pre-alpha PC footage that’s been released today could, one might cruelly point out, not quite live up to their promises last year of providing, “photorealistic real-world locations”, nor indeed the screenshots they’ve been releasing. But it’s pre-alpha, so who knows where it could go next. They have certainly yet to add in the harem.

I’d probably go a little easier on this if it didn’t keep saying it was “heralding the return of the classic arcade racer” in all its press releases. Or say of the iOS version, and I swear this is a direct quote,

“The central London levels in Cargasm are the most photorealistic in the history of videogames. Created using laser scanning, the buildings and monuments in the London levels are accurate to within inches. This level of accuracy means that every window, doorway, balcony and lamp post is exactly as it is in the real city.”

And here’s an accompanying iPhone screenshot for that:

London.

Maybe they’re joking? I can’t tell any more. To be reasonable, the PC version looks pretty shiny, in the screenshots at least.

Here’s the Egypt footage, which is perhaps surprising after the screens above:

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John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founding robots of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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