Still Alive: Baldy, Baldy Max Payne 3

Confirmed: the same stuff as two years ago.

You don’t visit, you don’t write, you don’t even sodding call for two years, Maxwell, and then without warning you send us a photo of you in the dark, looking all mucky and miserable, and another picture of some squinty bloke with a gun? We can’t even see your face, Max, and you look as though you’re about to shoot your own feet. Charming. Thanks, Max. Thanks ever so, yeah?

“He’s coming,” Rockstar say. Really? I thought it was just the way he was standing.

In theory, this is still due on PC – it was at least originally announced for it. Rockstar seem to have given up on this platform lately, but let’s keep the faith for Fat Max anyway. You can see the other pic below.

It’s been so stupidly long and these pics are so underwhelming that I can’t claim to care that much at this stage, but I’m still down with the idea of Max being fat, bald, knackered and poorly-attired. That’s the kind of hero I can understand. Mind you, going on the pathetic amount of detail in that first shot, he looks to be in rather better shape than he used to be.


  1. zergrush says:

    Either there’s something disturbingly wrong with his arms or he became a midget after the second game.

    • Navagon says:

      There is something more than a bit off with the perspective in that image, isn’t there?

    • CaLe says:

      Or he’s just been eating a lot of spinach.

    • Navagon says:

      I think that zergrush is referring to the dodgy proportions exhibited in the second image. Or at least that’s the one I’m talking about.

    • zergrush says:

      His arms and forearms seem to be ridiculously short and out of proportion in the first picture.

    • DrGonzo says:

      Don’t look short to me, just rather homo-erotically muscley. I remember Max Payne being a slightly weedy guy in the first game, just had lots and lots of guns.

    • Navagon says:

      I don’t know. If you put your arms in that position they’re not a lot longer. It’s probably down to the dodgy stance and lighting giving a false impression as much as anything.

    • Hoaxfish says:

      he’s the pre-op version of the guy from deus ex 3

    • Bhazor says:

      Another tragic victim of the forearm thief.

      Another tear on the face of the world’s mother.

  2. Anguy says:

    He looks like Bruce Willis playing Jack Carver from Far Cry…

    • frenz0rz says:

      I want this. Please.

    • Bhazor says:

      Now there’s a versatile actor.
      link to

    • coldvvvave says:

      @the one who made that picture
      I clearly remember Bruce Willis playing a contract killer two or three times, an astronaut and a taxi driver. Good job not including something that contradicts your stupid joke into the picture.

    • Walsh says:

      Way to totally blow holes into a picture joke. You win the internet!

    • Towercap says:

      He also shot Bin Laden. Never forget.

    • godgoo says:

      he also played my thumb for a number of years, in the end I felt he’d gotten too wrinkly and replaced him with michael chiklis. method actors.

    • Malibu Stacey says:

      In Last Boy Scout (an awesome movie) he’s an ex-Cop private detective.
      Wrong picture is wrong.

  3. Navagon says:

    As much as I’d love to see a PC version of another Max Payne I’m not going to get my hopes up until it’s announced (and no, the old announcement doesn’t count any more than Alan Wake’s did).

    • Adam says:

      Rockstar is amazing, they just need to come back to the PC. I was utterly pissed when Red Dead Redemption didn’t come out for the PC. Would have been amazing 2x.

    • LionsPhil says:

      The good Max Paynes were made by Remedy.

      Not got high hopes for this one.

  4. cluddles says:

    “Really? I thought it was just the way he was standing.”

    Sheesh, it’s like being back at school :)

  5. iLag says:

    my first thought: is he using a walking aid in that picture? poor old, bald Max.

  6. Eclipse says:

    color me not interested, the only ones who should do another Max Payne game are Relic, Rockstar is so going to screw it and serve us a bad PC port one year later the console ones.

    I’m pretty sure they’ll add a cover system, and possibly regenerating health

    • Mr_Hands says:

      It’s a shame, but I think this is probably what’s going to happen.

      At which point… well, didn’t we already get Kane & Lynch 2? Isn’t that enough?

    • Moni says:

      Didn’t Max Payne always have a regenerating health system type thing? I think it was if you got shot shortly after eating your magic health restoring tic-tacs you’d stop healing.

      As an aside, Grand Theft Auto is a series that would have been much less frustrating with regenerating health.

    • Jad says:

      Relic? I think you mean Remedy.

      Although a mobster RTS would be interesting at least.

      EDIT: In Max Payne 1 there was a hybrid system. You had hit points that you needed to restore with health packs (painkillers). However, if you had less than 25% health, you’d slowly heal back to 25%. Don’t remember what the set up was in Max Payne 2.

    • Vandelay says:

      Relic? But they would just try to remove as much base building as they can!

      Also, no real regen health, just regenerates up to about 15% when you got really low.

    • StingingVelvet says:

      I will bet you a million dollars right now that this has regenerating health.

    • SteveHatesYou says:

      @StingingVelvet: I’ll take that bet!

    • Thants says:

      I don’t see any problem with regenerating health in this but a cover system would be a total mistake. The whole focus of the two games was to get the player to dive head-first into the action. The mechanics were specifically designed around that. Hiding behind cover is the complete opposite.

    • Mario Figueiredo says:

      Makes sense. Down with the classics!
      Aren’t those others making a X-Com action/fps/rpg?

  7. patricij says:

    Bald men….are the future!
    Also, desperate. Your turn.

  8. ShiftyParadigm says:

    Did that first image remind anyone of Agent 47 from Hitman? I mean no suit but he could have just stolen an outfit.

    • Anguy says:

      Just cross his arms in front of his chest in your mind and it could actually be him disguised as a bartender in some fancy cocktailbar ;)

    • suibhne says:

      I’m sensing some major Max Payne/Agent 47 slashfic possibilities.

    • pepper says:

      Yup, I thought this was about mr hitman.

  9. Vadermath says:

    Awww, I was kinda hoping the bloke in the second pic would be Max; looks like him more than the baldy version anyways.

    • Drakon says:

      The second guy is obviously Sam Fisher.

    • VelvetFistIronGlove says:

      The second pic looks to me like it’s meant to be Max shooting his way through Aesir Plaza near the end of the first game. My guess is it’s a shot from a flashback sequence.

    • Xocrates says:

      @VelvetFistIronGlove: Considering that the man in the second picture has a beard, a completely different costume, and an earpiece (meaning he isn’t going in alone in a one man roaring rampage of revenge) I would be extremely surprised/disappointed if that’s the case.

    • bagga says:

      Second Picture Man looks like Hugh Laurie in House mode to me. Perhaps he and Max have a fight over some painkillers.

    • Vadermath says:

      Now that I think about it, perhaps it’s one of the levels with Mona from the second game, didn’t she and Max communicate with earpieces?

  10. Acosta says:

    Hey Take 2, I exchange the PC version of this for a PC version of Red Dead Redemption, deal?

  11. Jad says:

    I really feel like there should be more outrage in the PC community over the utter lack of interest by Rockstar in the PC community. Red Dead Redemption would be perfect on the PC, and there is absolutely no news on it. I tried playing it on a friend’s Xbox, but even though there is less shooting than in an FPS, I still found the gamepad control utterly horrible. It would look prettier on a PC too. LA Noire looks very interesting and mold-breaking, but I’m sure that’ll be console exclusive as well.

    We shit on developers like Crytek who release PC games that are superior to the console versions but apparently not quite superior enough, but then Rockstar doesn’t even make an effort to even release a PC version and its a shrug and a “meh”. Fuck Rockstar. They are much worse than Crytek or Treyarch or Epic (Bulletstorm had a PC release at least) or whoever else is the current PC hate target.

    • Pijama says:

      Well, that is part of how the industry is. You can’t outrage them for doing console exclusives – their game, their choice.

      We *really* should stop having such self-entitlement.

    • StingingVelvet says:

      I’ve read some comments on Gamasutra and other places that say Rockstar is “too busy” to do their usual port job to the PC for Red Dead Redemption. That’s a shame because I would love to play the game but have no console to do so on, plus the PC version would be much better.

      They did port games like Manhunt 2 and Bully extremely late after their console releases, so I guess we can keep hoping they eventually find the time and resources to port Red Dead. Despite their strange dismissal of the PC as a platform when launching games they usually see the benefit of having a superior and mod-able version out there eventually. Hell they even ported the GTA3 trilogy to the Mac like 8 years after they came out.

    • Bhazor says:

      Telling PC gamers to stop being entitled elitist demanding prima donnas? That’s like telling water to stop being damp.

      Reply to StingingVelvet
      I think that has less to do with resources and more to do with the second hand market. New console games tend to have a very short shelf life and generally within three months second hand sales completely dwarf the sales of fresh copies. At which point the stores stop selling new copies. So releasing a PC version a year or more later is like giving the game a second chance in a new market and without any risk of PC piracy impacting console sales.

    • StingingVelvet says:

      @ Bhazor

      Some of that makes sense, but I don’t think it could be argued against that releasing all their games on PC at launch would greatly increase PC version sales. They kind of create the lower PC sales numbers artificially by releasing the PC versions so late, then use those low sales to justify delaying PC versions. It’s a cycle!

      In any case all we can do is wait and hope. I will probably eventually get a PS3 when they’re really cheap, so I guess I can look forward to playing Red Dead that way if they never port it. Imagine playing Vice City on a PS2 today though… that would be a real bummer.

  12. GreatUncleBaal says:

    Maybe Max is so fat now he will only be agree to appear in the game in near darkness – a bit like Brando in Apocalypse Now.

  13. theimpossibleman says:

    Joe Barbaro from Mafia II called and he wants his shirt returned in mint condition.

  14. X23 says:

    I dislike his new style. He just looks like some generic action hero instead of a smooth but troubled investigator.

    • Wulf says:

      That sums up how I feel about this, pretty much. He’s gone from noir investigator type to a somewhat more generic bald person, just because that sort of image is cool these days. There are things that are more important than coolness. And that’s why I worry about Rockstar doing a Noir game. For them, what’s cool/popular seems to subvert their common sense and logic.

    • CommentSystem says:

      Are aging, balding, out of shape action heroes really that common? To me it’s a pretty bold reinterpretation of a fairly generic character.

  15. Vandelay says:

    To be fair, those are fairly noir-esque images (i.e. contrasting the light and dark.) But agreed, I liked it when Max looked like he hadn’t been able to shit since the murder of his family.

  16. Barnaby says:

    Holy crap you just made me realize this wasn’t actually a Hitman game. Somehow in my hasty reading I skipped over the uhhh title… and uhhh… Alec referring to him as Max over and over again… and I guess most of the words in the article… so I looked at the picture I guess.

    Regardless, I’m curious about this statement: “Rockstar seem to have given up on this platform lately…”.

    I’m not necessarily disagreeing I’d just like to know how they’ve done this lately? GTA is almost without a doubt my favorite series of games, and luckily all those have made it over to PC.

    *Edit* Reply fail. :( Meant for Shifty’s post.

  17. skyturnedred says:

    I really dislike the whole move to South America. Max Payne needs to take place in the cold darkness of New York. Without hawaiian shirts.

    • Seb says:

      Exactly. And with lots of rain, and certainly no muscles. I’ll pass on this.

    • Wulf says:

      Yep, pretty much how I feel. Not everything needs to be bald, and muscly, and kewl. Gods damn it, Rockstar. Max Payne was actually pretty original, but I’m guessing that it’ll all be subverted in the name of what’s cool/popular. I’ll join in on that bet that this will have a cover system, and that the whole film noir aspect will be downplayed in favour of action film stuffs.

  18. Miker says:

    Thank you, Vandelay, for that comment — as a pretty big Max Payne fan, it’s one of the funniest I’ve read in a long time.

  19. patricij says:

    There is a comic strip in there somewhere….
    1.*close-up* *concentrated stare etc.*
    2. runs for the toilet
    3.seated…when suddenly the images of his dead family appear
    4. *sighs* and gets up for some more shooting…no taking a dump until the series is finished for you, Max

  20. DD says:


  21. thecrius says:

    Actually i’ve seen a lot of shitty sequel.
    It’s a pleasure to hear something new about the Max Payne series but, I’m really really afraid.
    Do not ruin my Max Payne memories, please.

    • Thants says:

      There’s already a movie I have to pretend doesn’t exist, I don’t need there to be a game as well.

    • Wulf says:

      Here’s hoping that they don’t call it Max Payne 3, eh?

      I’m still sore at Bethesda for their Fallout 3 thing, when it should’ve just been Fallout: Subtitle, in the hope that eventually, one day, the original heirs would come back and take the throne and make a genuinely interesting game. One that lives up to its lineage.

  22. NYMinuteMan says:

    John Locke just joined the cast…

  23. manveruppd says:

    I’ve said this before, but here’s hoping there’ll be some voodoo/vodum/Orishas mythological nonsense in the game to contrast with the first game’s Old Norse stuff – the second game sorely needed a bit of religious mumbo-jumbo!

    BTW, pretty sure he’s a Maximilian, not a Maxwell! :p

  24. WJonathan says:

    Max has been working out with Popeye in the offseason.

  25. Rinox says:

    I know we had a whole “don’t judge too soon” discussion about this on RPS a while back, but seriously…if you’re gonna make a game about a broken down has-been hero kicking ass in the sweaty favelas, don’t call it Max Payne. Max Payne is (was) so unmistakingly tied to Noir York that there is no way this can feel like a MP game. May be a really good game in its own right, but shooting off cliché-but-awesome hard-boiled cop oneliners in a sunny, broiling, dirty setting…yeah, no.

    I foresee the eventual trailer being dubbed with the Hawai Five-o theme. Possibly by me.

    • Anguy says:

      I can’t imagine the brand “Max Payne” will do this game any favour. All MP fans will be pushed away by the setting and all non MP fans don’t care anyway so why write Max Payne on the box at all?

  26. Thants says:

    I remember the second game making some kind of joke about him looking constipated.

  27. Wulf says:

    Well, I’ll add my voice to the dissent. This is likely going to be called Max Payne 3 and it’ll be the worst bloody thing ever because of it, and that says to me that the game may be too weak to stand on its own merits, that they needed to tack an IP on to make it work. Damn shame.

    If it didn’t have Max, or Payne, or 3 in the title, I’m sure it’d end up being a perfectly middle of the road game, but instead all that made Max Payne original is being gutted and the hole is being filled with something entirely too generic. Oh well, at least we still have Tex Murphy for good noir stuffs, unsullied, untainted, untortured, untormented. Please, developers, at least leave him be.

    The last thing I want to see is a new Tex Murphy game about a muscly, humourless, burly, grim-faced man trying to bust up a drug cartel somewhere in the southern region of the American continent. Because it’s not like gaming hasn’t ever done that before, is it?

    Wait… I probably shouldn’t be giving them ideas. D:

    (This is the sort of thing that makes me despair about gaming. I’m going to go back to Darkspore now.)

  28. bhlaab says:

    I was hoping they went dark on this because of a massive Splinter Cell: Conviction style retool.

  29. pipman3000 says:

    what happened to your hair Max? Too many painkillers?

    • Mario Figueiredo says:

      I’m looking more at his shirt. Bet Woden didn’t help him out of jail and he was abused. He seems to have grown a right breast too. Which kinda makes sense.

  30. Grey_Ghost says:

    Any mention of Max Payne reminds me that I may actually hate two people… Beau Thorne & John Moore. I’m still on the fence when it comes to Marky Mark.

  31. LionsPhil says:

    Pretty sure it did. And of course the TV shows you caught clips of were parodies of itself too: especially Dick Justice.

    Max Payne 1 and 2 took themselves as seriously as the Noir genre they were parodying: affectionately mocking but regardless still executing it well. I’m really not sure MP3 is going to get the former half right. Especially since the same writer (Sam Lake) isn’t involved.

  32. molten_tofu says:

    No go until someone releases a kung fu mod for it

  33. Bilbo says:

    I used to have that shirt. I was… sad.