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Foot That Ball! New Star Soccer 5 Trailer

Don't foot this one. It's on a screen.

As Britain’s leading expert on foot-to-ball, I find the irreverence of games like New Star Soccer 5 to be deeply offensive toward “the lovely game”. How can someone watch something as astounding, as gorgeous, as sexually profound, as last week’s round of foot-to-balling between the United Rovers and West Byfleet Consolidated not be moved to tears? New Star Games’ new trailer for their latest simulation contains slight hints of not taking this most important of matters nearly seriously enough.

Soccer, for those who haven’t heard of it, is an abbreviation of Socrates’ Prancer, the original name for what has now become known as Association Foot-to-ball. The aim of the game is to kick the “ball” at the other players’ “net”, hoping to score a point. The first team to three points wins, and gets through to the final on Tuesday.

You may have heard about soccer when it was brought to the headlines by the recent scuffle between fans of the team in red and the team in blue, in an extended argument over which team is better at the game. In the end it was decided that the blues were better, but the reds were very close and tried hard. As for when the next soccer will take place, no one currently knows, but keep an eye on RPS’s Sports pages for the latest.

In the meantime, have a look at the (utterly brilliant – Out Of Character Ed) trailer for New Star Soccer 5. It contains grass and goals.

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Who am I?

John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founders of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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