Is It Too Soon For Mary Celeste Horror Game?


Twas only December last that the Mary Celeste was discovered, bereft of passengers or crew. But already we are hearing word of a playground game becoming popular on this theme, spreading betwixt the school yards. The game, a variant on hide and seek, involves one person trying to identify the location of his missing friends, but never being able to find them. However, some are saying that the memory of the phenomenon is too fresh in the people’s minds.

Said Samuel Brigand of Cambridge University,

“This is just another example of a Jack Brag or two thinking it funny to profit from others’ misfortune, selling their concepts to the children. The sound of the passing-bells has barely left our ears, and already we see those lives being mocked.”

Anthony Clackle, the public relationships director of Schooltime Gameing, who have been promoting Mary Celeste amongst the educational establishments, explained that it was all in good humour.

“The events of the Mary Celeste tragedy are in no way directly related to our game. We have the greatest of respect for those who lost brethren in the mysterious disappearance, but believe that ‘Mary Celeste: The Game’ is independent of the story.”

It has been a quiet week for video games.


  1. James G says:

    Aww, for moment I assumed that this would end up relating to a genuine Mary Celeste horror game, rather than being a bit of trademark Walker Whimsy.

    • TillEulenspiegel says:

      There’s something delightfully creepy about ghost ships. Elizabeth Dane (Bloodlines), Abysmal Gale (Thief3). I love that stuff.

  2. poop says:

    uh they already made a mary celeste game and its a fucking classic

    Limbo of the Lost.

  3. Sharpedge says:

    Verily, these games shall be the death of society itself. Mark me.

  4. BooleanBob says:

    I am still eagerly awaiting the third episode of Eliot’s gameing adaptation of the Middlemarch saga. There is much to be said for content delivery of this kind but the author’s dedication to an absolute standard of perfection undermines much of the purported value of regular serialisation.

    The delay seems to have been in the need to create a great amount of extra assets for parts of the game set in Italy but I cannot see why they cannot simply update the textures and models from the earlier Romola (vastly underrated in my opinion, even in spite of the controversial Gatling-turret sections at the plague-infested village) and be done with it!

  5. fsagus says:

    If I were to discover my children engaged in such an act I would apply a sound beating to them without a moment’s notice, and I believe we all should do the same. It is better that they be seen and not heard, rather than heard but not seen am I not correct? I will inform my manservant Carruthers of this vile game at once and he shall inform me if he discovers them in such a heinous act.

    ‘Twas only last week I discovered my boy of 9 years attempting to rig up some form of portable cockfighting ring, if you can believe that – he actually wanted to capture as many of the beasts as he could and even bring it to school! These things should be nipped in the bud I always say.

    • Daiv says:

      I too witnessed a small boy attempting to entertain himself in such a manner. I gave him a sound thashing, whoever he was.

  6. Baggypants says:

    Egads, Brigand should Man Up. ’tis but a frivolous moment of youthful play..

  7. DanPryce says:

    Verily, tis OBSCENE. Does no one remember the unholy furore that did surround King Richard III: Reloaded?

    • Archonsod says:

      It’s almost as bad as that Enclosureville that seems very popular on the book of faces recently.

  8. Pharos says:

    Now this is just silly. Even a casual examination shows that what happened to the Mary Celeste was possible for any ship of its time and there’s no need for a supernatural explanation. What “horror” is there to be had in this subject?
    It’s rather like making a horror game based on Chernobyl. Really quite silly.

  9. roryok says:

    It’s the ‘No Russian’ Chapter from Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment all over again

  10. sonofsanta says:

    The haste with which such “entertainments” are profited upon in the modern era is truly disgraceful. When I were a lad a break time round of “Shoot Ol’ Boney’s Men Up” was always good for a half-hour’s diversion, but recently I have seen children engaged in games based around the ongoing Ashanti conflict that I find most distasteful and disrespectful to those brave souls but recently deceased in that foreign conflict. Particularly troublesome to me is that this game necessitates that some boys take on the role of the Ashanti themselves, and I myself have delivered a cuff round the ear and stern word to one such lad, and warned him that it would be more respectful were he simply designated as “the enemy”.

  11. Man Raised by Puffins says:

    Have you not been listening to the newswire, good sirs? Only this morning another nautical disaster has befallen us off the shores of New Scotland. I can only consider such fancies that play light with such tragedies, among our own precious children by heavens!, to only be in the poorest of tastes.

  12. Zanchito says:

    I’ve heard this game induces young people to sexual misbehaviour, such as showing calves and knees to strangers. The Fox Herald has all the data!

  13. Wulf says:

    Woo! Time vortex. I approve of this approach to April 1st. It’s clever.

  14. Lambchops says:

    “This is an outrage” quoth I.

  15. Rich says:

    Anyone know what specification of decision engine one will need to run this computational entertainment operation?

    • MaxNormal says:

      I know from bitter experience that you’ll need a recent setup – ’63 or later – and don’t let your servants scrimp on greasing the sprockets.

      I tried to get this to operate on my fathers Scheutz difference engine (the ’57 model), but the game didn’t support swiss gearing. When will these bloody clowns realise that not everyone is using the latest model?

    • Lars Westergren says:


      I advice you to check the machine for wooden clogs. My own machine started misbehaving terribly the other night, just when our group had retired to the parlor with the intention of amusing ourselves with a round of Violin Hero. Investigations turned up one of those shoes. One of the servants must have dropped it, and I am reluctantly starting to believe it was done on purpose. It is terribly difficult to find competent staff these days.

      As an aside, I must mention that I normally detest the yearly April’s fool shenanigans, but these articles are clever and amusing. A veritable parade of amuse-cerveau. My hat goes off to the merry crew of the good ship RPS.

    • MaxNormal says:

      @ Lars

      I thank you for your suggestion. I am not unfamiliar with the lengths the servants will go to to disrupt the enjoyment of their betters if they think they will be undetected. It took 3 months of painstaking reassembly the last time the groundsman hid some cheese in the scoffle sprocket to entice some rodents to get caught in the gearing whilst a game was underway. The game was still able to be completed, but the fairer sex had to be carried out of the room at the sight of all the blood.

  16. Gap Gen says:

    I believe that certain industrialists in France have proposed repealing the long-standing ban on depictions of Napoleon and his ensigns in video games, but such things are unlikely to come to pass.

    • SuperNashwanPower says:

      It is our erstwhile opinion that the only Ensigns that should be banned from video games are ones Kim and Crusher, because they sucked the most. As long as they are omitted from the Good Ships Enterprise and Voyager, this fair isle shall not be compromised on taste and decency. OK just Enterprise, Voyager seems to have sunk in the dock.

    • magichicken says:

      I suspect this may change in the forthcoming months. Though the frogs have been quite contrary to portrayals of revolutionary notables, the lower classes of the country are quite eager for lurid tales of Napoleonic violence and indecent relations at the former empire’s court in their games. It is this propensity towards such uncouth subjects which gives games poor standing in decent society.

    • Unaco says:

      Godless French Monsters!

  17. Mario Figueiredo says:

    Really? Mary Celeste!?

    If one day someone goes mad and starting killing children at a school, will they make a school shooter?

  18. Dances to Podcasts says:

    The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

  19. DigitalSignalX says:

    It should be noted that the events of Half Life 3 will be set on or around a ship :P