Oh dear, it’s a terrible day for the games industry. First, pretty much everything about Modern Warfare 3 gets spoiled six months before release, and now the plots of a whole slew of other upcoming sequels have been laid bare. Read on, if you dare…
PLANTS VS ZOMBIES 2: The plants defeat the zombies. Shock!
STREET FIGHTER 5: two men or women punch each other until only one man/woman remains standing. Shock!
COUNTER-STRIKE 2: Terrorists win. But then counter-terrorists win. Then the terrorists win again. Then… You’ll never guess.
DIRT 3: A car wins the race. All of the races, in fact. SHOCK.
MINECRAFT 2: Lots of blocks are mined, and then put together. Very large things are built, then a creeper gets you. SHOCK. But then you come back to life. NOT-SHOCK.
MANIC MINER 3: Platforms are jumped between. The taxman is defeated. SHOCK.
PEGGLE 2: The ball hits the pegs. SHOCK.
BIOSHOCK: INFINITE: A big blue man did it. SHO.. Eh?
FAHRENHEIT /THE INDIGO PROPHECY 2: Absolutely no bloody idea what’s going on. Something about an old lady who turns into the internet, and necrophilia and… nope, just makes no sense. This can’t be for real. What on Earth were these barmy French blokes drinking when they wrote this?
Well, that’s ruined everything. Goddamit games, you and yer fancy stories.