Gazing In Astonishment: Naval Warfare


When seeing the game name “Naval Warfare“, my instinct is to reach for the bright red phone that directly connects to Tim Stone. Then I clicked play on the trailer, and my hand hesitated on the receiver. This one… this one’s for me, I realised. It’s utterly mentile. I implore you to watch the trailer below, and to stick with the non-stop festival of crazy gibberish that narrates an arcadey water-based shooter, until the very end. That cackle.

From German publishers Just A Game, and Slovakian developers Games Distillery, this looks to boat battling what Attack On Pearl Harbour is to aeronautics. Except way more mad. Just watch:

Seemingly called Aqua on XBLA, why it’s been changed to such a peculiarly generic name for the PC release I’m not sure. It was also apparently released in April, but its own site doesn’t say where to buy it. And the trailer was released, er, today. But there’s plans to release it via digital distribution some time this month.

According to the publishers, Naval Warfare will see the player,

“take control of an elite cruiser and steer into the middle of a raging naval war where masses of enemies and allies engage in real-time operations. Being attacked from above and below the water surface the player has to destroy masses of enemies’ troops to be victorious. By unlocking new ship-types, weapons and upgrades, the player will have the opportunity to enhance his ship and gear up for the next fight. Choosing from various tactics and forming special supporting squadrons, the player will also have the option to command offensive and defensive troops in order to overcome large enemy formations and defensive installations.”

Can’t wait!


  1. Peggle20 says:

    Oh this looks fun. Breeng eet to Steeeeeam.

    • Peter Radiator Full Pig says:

      Yes yes and yes. What are the chances something for XBLA would get onto Steam?
      I have just remembered, Super MeatBoy.

  2. Grinnbarr says:


  3. HermitUK says:

    “This concludes our mating”?

    Also, why would anyone want to invade Sylvania? They don’t look like awfully threatening opponents.

  4. applecup says:


    • Scorpi says:

      Urban Dictionary says, “mentile is the same as mental but can only be used if the situation is mental to the extreme.”

      I was hoping for something a bit more interesting…

  5. GraveyardJimmy says:

    The part where they sailed round a grinder reminded me loads of this gem:

    link to

    I’m sure it was on PC too- Overboard!

  6. Jumwa says:

    It looks very arcade-y. Which isn’t a bad thing, mind you.

  7. Alphabet says:

    Oh my god, that’s the best trailer experience since Magicka:Vietnam. It’s one classic line of dialogue after another. I don’t care how bad the game is (and it looks like it might be good) I’m going to buy it just to hear more of that dialogue. The bad voice acting is its greatest asset!!

    • bglamb says:

      “Bad voice acting”? Are you mental?

      That was some of the finest voice acting I’ve heard in a long while!

    • Urael says:

      It’s certainly better then the stuff in the new Star Wars MMO.

    • Dreamhacker says:


  8. evilbobthebob says:

    oh wow this looks like a higher budget, modern version of Battleship: Surface Thunder which I had so much fun with as a kid back in 2000 (link to apparently the critics were ok with it too).

    • Commisar says:

      this looks JUST LIKE a game called OilRush, on the Uniengine engine, google it and you will be astounded by the plagiarism evident

  9. GenBanks says:

    Haha I like the voice acting.

    I especially like the line ‘war may have changed but I haven’t’… makes a nice change from the “War. War never changes.” line!

    • P7uen says:

      War never changes, it just gets displayed in incrementally higher resolutions.

      Also becomes widescreen.

    • Boozebeard says:

      The thing is that surely doesn’t make any sense? If war has changed and you haven’t that’s a bad thing; unless you were really bad at war before and it changed in a way that’s made you good at it :P

    • Dozer says:

      It was either the British failure to win the Battle of Jutland in WW1, or the loss of the battlecruiser HMS Hood in WW2, that was at least partly due to Royal Navy emphasis on getting the maximum rate-of-fire instead of, you know, aiming properly at Jutland, or keeping the doors between the gun turrets and the ammunition storage closed as much as possible in the case of HMS Hood. Because rate-of-fire won the day at Trafalgar.

      War had changed, but Royal Navy doctrine hadn’t.

  10. Rii says:

    Teehee. Looks like fun.

    Both ‘Aqua’ and ‘Naval Warfare’ are strong contenders for blandest title of the year. It’s a shame, as the game itself hardly appears wanting of character.

    And I hate to be that guy, but some of those textures *are* rather muddy, yes?

    • Shadowcat says:

      Yes, wondering why the name was changed to something so “peculiarly generic” is a little weird when the old name was ten times worse in that regard!

  11. Lacessit says:

    Reehlax engineeyah. Also, get to da choppah!

  12. ankh says:

    I think the person playing the game in this trailer is uh not very good. Will this have multiplayer? I feel the need to pwn some noobs.

  13. Worldbeing says:

    War may have changed but I haven’t?
    So we can expect (the naval equivalent of) cavalry charges into machine gun fire, then?

  14. El_MUERkO says:

    Something about the aesthetic reminds me of Chaos Engine.

  15. McDan says:

    War, war never changes… But I don’t. Hence why I’m in black and white.

    Looks mad.

  16. Dana says:

    Mmm, Ill wait for Navy Field 2.

  17. heretic says:

    looks great! can’t wait for a demo

  18. Coins says:

    GSB on sea? Want!

  19. Dominic White says:

    Apparently the 360 version isn’t that hot. It looks like a much less detailed and interesting version of Warship Gunner 2 on the PS2, which is a very unassuming looking game, but develops into the most bizarre, spectacular take on naval combat I have EVER seen.

    • Chaz says:

      I tried the demo on the 360 way back when and it was essentially, if my memory serves me right, just a twin stick shooter, but one with a steam punky nautical theme.

  20. Diziet Sma says:

    Aqua was… OK. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great. Hopefully the PC version will be more Aqua V2.

  21. Inigo says:

    Meanwhile Tim is huddled next to his phone, weeping softly because nobody ever calls him anymore.

    You bastard.

    • Shadowcat says:

      Did you just call Tim a bastard?

      Ah well. At least you called him.

    • Inigo says:

      Did you just call Tim a bastard?

      I’m pretty sure I didn’t.

    • Urael says:

      I’m pretty sure Shadowcat was joking, Inigo.

    • MD says:

      I’m pretty.

    • Dozer says:

      dear Tim Stone. Where’s the Il-2 Sturmovik: Cliffs of Dover review? Are you waiting for it to be patched to the point where it can run on a 2011-build computer?

  22. The Hammer says:

    “Relax engineer: war may have changed, but I haven’t.”


    Gold dust, right there.

  23. The Magic says:

    The excitable voice acting is very nostalgiac. Puts me in mind of MechCommander

  24. Vexing Vision says:

    I hope there’ll be a Let’s Play just featuring all the voice-overs and cutscenes.

    I don’t want to play that game, but I want to hear more of these hilarious voice-acting and scripting!


  25. Teddy Leach says:


    • TsunamiWombat says:

      Words of wisdom and grace, sir.

      Here’s hoping this comes to Steam.

  26. Yosharian says:

    Mentile? Seriously?

  27. Freud says:

    We shall fight them not on the beaches but the water besides it. We shall never surrender.

    • Dozer says:

      Which if Germany had actually attempted an invasion in 1940 is exactly what would have happened. 80 Royal Navy destroyers in the Home Fleet, baby, along with a handful of battlecruisers and battleships, while the Kriegsmarine’s surface forces pretty much didn’t exist after the invasion of Norway and the aircraft of the day proved themselves ineffective against ships. River barges vs even a handful of destroyers == lots of sunk barges and a failed invasion.

      Seems that much of what Churchill said was purely morale-boosting propaganda without much actual substance. The “special relationship” with the United States for example.

  28. Daiv says:

    That sounds exactly like every single voice from Nexus: The Jupiter Incident.

    A game for which I mourn the lack of a sequel every day. At noon. For fifteen seconds. Then I have tea and biscuits.

  29. fenriz says:

    but… it’s just childish shoosting, how’s this good, it’s arcadey, it’s old. How can a 30 years old gameplay concept be good today? Just because it’s all pretty in the art dep.?

    • Veracity says:

      For the same reason Super Meat Boy and Bit.Trip * are indie darlings, surely? 2d shooters still exist. The 360’s over-full of them, if anything, PSN has some, and there’s always a few around on PC. What fifteen-year-old “gameplay concept” should I prefer?

      Am I just missing your humour?

    • Thants says:

      “How can a 30 years old gameplay concept be good today?”

      I dunno, people are still playing Chess. Not to mention Go.

    • Dozer says:

      Games may have changed but this hasn’t.

  30. Commisar says:

    Looks like somebody copied OilRush- google it, and you will see

  31. MythArcana says:

    Great. Another console port that will be sloppy seconds on the PC. It looks like a cool arcade shooter, but don’t expect extended options for the PC platform. I’m getting a bit tired of the reversed target platform syndrome we’ve been seeing ’cause I require more meat to my games than simple button mashing.

  32. Matzerath says:

    Super Bathtub Fun: Pew Pew!

  33. phlebas says:

    I’ll teach them to misjudge my mettle.

  34. Dances to Podcasts says:

    Someone should make a list of all the features of Castle Shotgun, in case we need to meticulously reproduce it for some outlandish reason.

    1) Red Tim Stone hotline.

  35. Eightball says:

    I was excited until I saw there’s a steal mission…

  36. MD says:

    Hah, I was wondering whether ‘mentile’ was some sort of massive typo, but I had enough faith to google it. Apparently “mentile is the same as mental but can only be used if the situation is mental to the extreme.” It’s probably the last word I can imagine John Walker using in real life (well, I don’t know him personally, so I guess I mean ‘on a podcast’), but for that reason I find it extra funny.

  37. Neskobar says:

    I just don’t know what to believe anymore. Does war ever change or not?

  38. Dhatz says:

    ah, so many failed naval warfate games, just look at Age of Wind which is hell to play, then Cursed Winds is with only one ship and this one too.