The Impossible Day: Duke Forever Is Gold

Development on a new videogame has been completed.

Yes, you’re asleep. Yes, this is a dream. There can’t be any other explanation for this: the game that shouldn’t be, couldn’t be, is. After over a decade in development, multiple project reboots, all the crazy promises in the world, the closure of its original developer, a shock resurrection at the hands of the Borderlands/Brothers In Arms devs and another, final delay for luck, Duke Nukem Forever is finished. Yes indeed, Gearbox Software have announced that the infamous shooter has gone gold today. It’s actually gone gold. It’s coming to a PC near you next month.

Or at least it would be, were this not a dream. (It’s not a dream). (Or is it?) (It isn’t). (Or is it?)


  1. Grinterloper says:

    I could not don’t want to have not wanting what I like but this is not only not not good but it is also.

    • The Tupper says:

      Reply fail

    • Donjonson says:

      That’s my momma!

    • gorgol says:

      A new meme is born?

    • LionsPhil says:

      Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

    • magnus says:

      I’m begining to feel like that guy in ‘that’ scene in Scanners must have felt. Ouch!

    • BAReFOOt says:

      Ist irgendwer wirklich weit gewesen,
      sogar wenn entschieden sogar gehen zu wollen
      um mehr auszusehen wie zu benutzen?

      Now back on topic: As long as I don’t personally have played the game through, it doesn’t exist.
      I still expect there to be no actual game sales and it just being a big joke.
      Or if not, there being nothing in the boxes.
      Or if not, there being nothing on the DVDs / in the downloaded files.
      Of if not, there just being a menu screen, and that’s it.
      Or if not, the game suddenly crashing in the middle of the second level, where most people would exit shortly before, to call it “real”.
      Or the end being a lie! ;)

    • Sly-Delvecchio says:

      I’ve played it – at Gadget Show Live Pro. They remade the final boss of the original Duke Nukem 3D – that’s what I played. It was ok. I got my photo with Duke though, which was better.

    • tyrsius says:


      I have no clue what you are trying to say. I could not concoct any combination of punctuation to make your sentence understandable. Why are you sharing your drugs with the rest of us?

  2. vandinz says:

    It isn’t not a dream?

  3. Raziel_aXd says:

    After 12 fucking years… and a one-month delay. Also, the world should have ended on saturday.

    • Urael says:

      Duke kicked the rapture in the ass. He’s that awesome.

    • The Tupper says:

      Indeed, Urael: When God tries to rapture Duke, Duke pulls Him down to earth instead.

    • Tei says:

      What you say? the world ended the saturday. I think thats the whole point of it.
      All real programmers got a ticket to the heavens.

      Here on earth only stay the poor programmers :-/

  4. Pani says:

    This smells a funny colour…

  5. Twilightx says:

    We have to go deeper

  6. Richie Shoemaker says:

    Gone gold. Now there’s a phrase I’ve not heard since…

  7. Drake Sigar says:

    *Waves hands mysteriously*

  8. Kdansky says:

    The real question is: Will there be a sequel?

    • Grinterloper says:

      No there will be a reboot and a trading card series.

    • The Hammer says:

      Sure! Next year!

    • RalphORama says:

      Don’t forget the horrible movie spinoff, followed by a TV show spun off of one of the movie’s minor characters.

  9. Lobotomist says:

    I fear for end of the world

  10. WeeMadAndo says:

    Didn’t this happen once before in August 2001, before they announced that they were delaying it to remove the WTC sequences?

  11. Protagoras says:



    • Gap Gen says:

      Yeah, I was about to say how many people said that Duke Nukem Forever wouldn’t release until Jesus came down and Raptured everyone.

  12. Makariel says:

    What is a Duke Nukem?

  13. Dinger says:

    You think this is a dream? Wait till next month, when they release the E-Book “Duke Nukem Forever: the Final Decades”, in 10-volumes tipping the scales at 14 gigs.
    Birthpangs of the Antichrist.

  14. Stormtamer says:

    It’s like a dream within a dream! Is Duke Nukems release just Inception planted in our minds, to believe that it’s actually being released?????

  15. VelvetFistIronGlove says:

    After 14 years of wanking, Duke Nukem finally came.

  16. Lewie Procter says:

    I’ll believe it when I am playing it.

  17. Shadrach says:

    I think the whole “Gone Gold” PR thing is complete bullshit. Either its finished testing and you release it, or its not, and you don’t. Saying something’s “Gold” and releasing in a month is just confusing to the consumer. Why can’t it be like albums, where going gold or platinum is an indication of how much something sells. But no, the games industry would like to keep sales private…

    • jwrayth says:

      “Gone Gold” actual refers to the Golden Master build of a game that is sent off for mass production, and has nothing to do with PR or sales. It means they’ve reached a stable point they (and platform partners such as Microsoft and Sony) are happy to begin mass production of the game from.
      Funny thing, but mass printing of the game disc for all the different platforms/regions takes time, hence why titles tend to go gold 30 or so days before they hit the shelves. Unless ofcourse you’ve invented a method of printing and distributing a physical game disc worldwide the same day the game is RTM ready, you should stop complaining :)

      Spelling mistakes and updating to specifically reference physical distribution to make Shadrach happy :)

    • Xocrates says:

      Going gold means the game is finished and they can start copying the DVDs prior to shipping. Hence why it usually takes about a month between “going gold” and actual release.

      While announcing it to the public is more or less useless, it’s not hard to understand why they do it for particularly anticipated titles, especially ones with plenty of delays and development time.

      EDIT: ninja’d

    • Shadrach says:

      @jwrayth: A system like that already exists, it’s called “digital distribution” :) (I didn’t invent it mind)

    • jwrayth says:


      No need to be a smart-ass when it’s quite clear what I was talking about :) If you want to argue “Digital releases shouldn’t have to wait for physical release dates, I want my games nao!” that’s a different topic, I just wanted to correct your understanding of the term “going gold”.

    • Urael says:

      jwrayth: You’ve misunderstood.

      Shadrach’s point wasn’t that he didn’t understand what ‘going gold’ meant. He just wondered why this is such a big event in gaming, that PR teams latch on to and proudly shout at us….like in the article above: “The game’s gone gold!”. We consumers still can’t play it so why do game publishers still believe this is big news? How does it affect us, except to say “that game you want…it’s almost released!”, something any idiot with a release date and a calendar can work out for themselves.

    • Redcoat-Mic says:

      Because it’s a huge deal?

      It’s one thing to say it’s about to be released but once it’s sent off for printing, well that’s a step, little chance of turning back now.

    • ZamFear says:

      Because delays are so common that release dates don’t mean anything. Especially where Duke is concerned.

    • ResonanceCascade says:

      Going gold isn’t really a big deal any more, and usually isn’t even mentioned.

      But when the game that just went gold is called Duke Nukem Forever, yes, you’re going to hear about it.

  18. poop says:

    this means that in only a few short months people will shut up about this game again :D

  19. mbp says:

    There is a pre-release gamelet you can play already called “Duke Nudem”.

    Apparently. So I have heard.

    I do hope this isn’t an indication that Gearbox are going to try and sell DNF on naughtiness alone. Schoolboy humour will guarantee them a bit of free advertising from Fox News and the Daily Mail but I really hope there is a good game underneath it all.

    Duke 3D was a great game, the naughtiness just added a few laughs.

    • poop says:

      the game is a halo clone underneath the 2008 graphics and the sex jokes ;)

  20. jconnop says:

    All this time in the making only to be thwarted (with regard to getting my money) by regional pricing nonsense. I don’t care how long your game has been in development, I’m not paying $80 USD for it (NZ/Australia).

    Needs more No Oceans ™.

    • poop says:

      pirate it

    • viverravid says:

      Free VPN services like FlyVPN are your friend when it comes to defeating IP Geolocation. Have not suffered any au zone nonsense on Steam since I discovered this.

  21. poop says:

    im hella pumped for the first acess club demo to come out so i can finally say that ive pirated a demo

  22. ananachaphobiac says:

    It didn’t happen. I refuse to believe it!

  23. Quizboy says:

    It’s gone ‘polished turd’, surely. If we’re being honest.

  24. Teddy Leach says:

    Oh em gee wuh tuh fuh bar beh cue?

  25. Arithon says:

    What were they waitn’ for? Christmas?

  26. frenz0rz says:

    Must… resist… buying Balls of Steel edition….

  27. manveruppd says:

    I am more moved than I probably should be.

    Hail to the king baby!

  28. Premium User Badge

    ChaosSmurf says:

    They should have sent a poet.

  29. BathroomCitizen says:

    Duke, my long-time friend, welcome back to your home!

  30. Tretiak says:

    Will it be available on Phantom console?

  31. msarge says:

    I just can’t wait until Gearbox is done messing around with this probably half baked Duke Nukem game and get on with making a sequel to Borderlands.

    • Rii says:

      It’s Colonial Marines for me, but I hear you. It’ll be good when this thing is finally buried. I mean, nobody’s actually expecting it to be any good, right?

    • Nim says:

      Don’t be an ass, Rii.

    • Urael says:

      Oh ye of little faith. Tut.

      It’s not going to represent 14 years of continuous, loving development, and I’m worried many on the Internet are going to judge it by that incredibly dumb yardstick, but there’s no reason to doom-n-gloom it to death before anyone’s had a chance to play it.

      Hail to the King, baby.

    • Kaira- says:

      “I mean, nobody’s actually expecting it to be any good, right?”

      I am, but I don’t really count, do I?

    • Rii says:

      Apparently not.

  32. Prince says:

    “This is not a dream. We are using your brain’s electrical system as a receiver. We are unable to transmit through conscious neural interference. You are receiving this broadcast as a dream. We are transmitting from the year *fzzzt* Duke Nukem will be released…”

  33. sk2k says:

    Can i buy DLC on release day? Jetpacks in different sizes maybe?

  34. Nim says:

    We have now passed from one era in gaming to the next one.

  35. int says:


  36. KigKoo says:

    Wow, I absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on this game! Wow.

  37. Alien Rope Burn says:

    Can the fact this is coming out stop being a big deal, now?

    I mean we’ve known this is coming from a reputable developer for ages now.

    Yes, it was in dev limbo for a good while. That’s old news, now. The fact it is coming out is not some sort of triumph or event. The proof will be in the play, of course, but can we stop trumpeting its release to the heavens?

    • CTRL-ALT-DESTROY says:

      Dude, it’s news. Whether or not you personally give a shit doesn’t change the fact.

    • Thants says:

      It’s wasn’t in dev limbo for a good while, it was in dev limbo for longer than any other game ever. That’s what makes this notable.

  38. Iokanaan says:

    Now, Duke, that’s a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there’s a lot about the Duke that don’t make a whole lot of sense to me. for instance: can anyone explain why ‘The Duke’ is considered to be almost almighty? or is any protagonist from a decade+ delayed game to be released any time soon so potent he must be scrumptulescent?

    • The Colonel says:

      He was cool when we were all 15 so he must still be cool now. Stands to reason.

  39. McBeeferton says:

    Obligatory: Hail to the king, baby.

    I can’t wait to see how this game is received.

  40. Daiv says:

    And lo, the Fifth Age of Gaming began. Wise men shall feel awe, wonder, bliminity, and frippiness at the signs in the heavens.

  41. Skystrider says:

    This just in: the world ends 10th of June. The flying spaghetti monster demands it.

  42. FuzzieBoy says:

    Something tells me this game won’t score too high on reviews… Don’t take this as hating, I already pre-ordered the collectors edition, but the FPS genre has evolved so much, and I don’t think many reviewers will get the old skool fun thing :( However, from most of the previews I have seen, they say that the game feels mediocre, but they were having so much fun that they didn’t care! I just hope the game hasn’t sacrificed much to make itself seem modern… that would ruin the point of Duke!

  43. Tatourmi says:

    I shall, from now on, begin counting the years from the release of the Duke onwards.

  44. RalphORama says:

    Can’t wait for the hardcore Christians, female rights activists, and fear-mongering politicians to latch on to this game as a reason to ban video games forever.

    • Ajh says:

      Argh women’s rights activists don’t want video games banned. At least none that I know. Then again all the ones I know play games, so the sample I have might be a bit biased.

      Right now in my case at least, I’m more amused that it’s actually getting released than anything else. I mean, this thing had reached meme status on the internet almost.

  45. Nim says:

    Did notoriously finish.

  46. Wooly says:

    There are those who said this day would never come. What have they to say now?

  47. says:

    ..nah, I’m dreaming.

  48. RegisteredUser says:

    Coming out with 2 weapons swap = no buy until this changes.

    Boycott the rot!

  49. Frosty says:

    They’re waiting for you Duke. In the test chamberrrrrrr.


  50. Dances to Podcasts says:

    The game is a lie.