Jurassic Farce: Dinosaur Zookeeper

Precisely the kind of cage fighting RPS can get behind

Every time I visit the IndieGames blog I am rewarded. Just look at this- Dinosaur Zookeeper, which I’ve just spent the last twenty minutes playing and/or laughing in horror at, is a game from (I gather) the developers of Super Crate Box that tasks you with running a dinosaur wildlife park. Remember everything that went wrong in Jurassic Park? OK, it’s your job to make sure none of that happens. And you will fail.

Here are some tips: (1) Don’t panic, your dinosaurs will do that for you, (2) The Triceratops is a bastard, and (3) It’s literally not the end of the day if you lose a dinosaur or a visitor. Is that not the finest tips list for any game ever made? Now go play.

60 Comments

  1. frenz0rz says:

    I must try this now.

    RPS, I hope you haven’t completely ruined my productivity this afternoon.

  2. Xan says:

    There was a Theme Park version of Jurassic Park that worked similar to this, I had fun with it even if some people hated it.

    • frenz0rz says:

      Operation Genesis? I thought it was awesome! Played it non-stop for a fortnight a couple of years ago when I was watching the films again, was a right blast. Although a T-Rex escaped and I had to shoot it from a helicopter :(

    • Boozebeard says:

      There was also a dinosaur expansion pack to zoo tycoon!

    • Xan says:

      Yeah Operation Genesis, it had some fun elements.

      You know a T-Rex needed a double electrical fence right? :O

    • HermitUK says:

      There was also Jurassic Park: Park Builder on the GBA, which looked and played like the original Theme Park with more dinosaurs escaping and eating people.

    • karry says:

      Operation Genesis had the same gaping hole of a flaw as Zoo Tycoon – zero importance was placed on the money. Balancing the budget didnt matter, it was laughably easy to get loads of cash. Why did they bother at all, they should have just made a bunch of dino-shooting mini-games and be done with it.

    • PickyBugger says:

      @ Xan

      Only if you didn’t want it to escape.

    • xrabohrok says:

      Raptors were bastards in operation genesis. They made it a hobby to find flaws in your fences.

    • NegativeZero says:

      Do you mean DinoPark Tycoon? You chose between desert, swamp and plains, bought plots of land, fenced them and stuck dinos in and then had to manage food stocks and so on. I sank months into that when I was a kid. Tried it again a while back and getting started is brutally hard :(

  3. googoogjoob says:

    why is this credited to vlambeer this is most definitely not vlambeer

  4. westyfield says:

    Argh I was about to do some revision but then this why RPS why do you do this to meeeeeee?

  5. Xocrates says:

    “(2) The Triceratops is a bastard”

    The bastard spawn of Satan to be precise.

    *shakes fist*

    • frenz0rz says:

      Damned Triceratops! I give you trees, your own huge paddock, and your very own top-quality electric fence, and how do you repay me? By rampaging straight through the fence like it was made of paper, bursting into the Parasaurolophus enclosure, and spearing all three of on your mighty horns. Why couldnt you have just stormed into the Allosaurus enclosure and got eaten instead :(

      Also, I shouldnt have built my entire park with electric fences, as my Pterosaur keeps flying into them and exploding. At least it makes a good spectacle for the visitors.

    • KaputtChino says:

      you can overbuild fences

    • Quintin Smith says:

      Read the dinosaur description! The Triceratops wants a tiny paddock. I found that a tiny electric fence with a tree in it held him back. Or was it a tiny ordinary fence with a second tiny ordinary fence around it? I forget.

    • Dana says:

      Well my Triceratops touched electric fence and went on rampage, breaking the other fences thus making all the dinos run amok, killing tourists and making me lose the game.

    • DarkFenix says:

      Small dinosaurs get killed by electric fences, mediums go beserk. Only large ones require electric fences. It’s a bastard, means you can’t keep large dinosaurs enclosed with other sizes.

    • JackShandy says:

      All you need to do is put them in 2 by 2 block fences, too small for him to move. Then he’ll give you no trouble at all.

  6. Shazbut says:

    “It’s literally not the end of the day if you lose a dinosaur or a visitor.”

    What on earth does that even mean?

    Anyway, ta. Will give this a go

    • Quintin Smith says:

      The game doesn’t end if there is a disaster (because the game is about disasters snowballing into one another). DO YOU SEE? I, look, it’s been a long week

    • Shazbut says:

      I understand.

      Quinns, you really do some of the best and worst things with the English language

  7. KaputtChino says:

    You can restrain the god damn triceratops quite easily with a really really small area of fence, cause then he can’t go fast. As long as you keep the stegosaurus somewhere on the opposite site of the park, which both must be on the opposite site of the carnivores, but then you only have 4 corners in your park!

    • _strictmachine says:

      Triceratops in the opposite corner from stegosaurus with a small fenced in area, and even a lovely tree…

      Still went mad. Oh the horrors.

    • KaputtChino says:

      no triceratops gets upset by running fast, meaning a small area where he bumps into the fence stops him from running fast

    • Selifator says:

      Unless he has a tiny paddock, a tree, an electric fence and still decides to go mad and unleash my velociraptors and the two allosaurusses.

    • KaputtChino says:

      yeah but he wants to run into them wooden fences cause a lil shock hurts the poor dino which makes him a lil pissed which makes him break down what hurt him, so he is not only angry but potentially closer to your stegosaurus and has much more room to run

  8. Joefish_C says:

    My God that Triceratops is a dick

  9. Coins says:

    The triceratops is nice and calm, but the fucking huge carnivore dinos, those are well annoying. Also the big herbivore ones. Any big dino, actually.

  10. HermitUK says:

    Damn you, Brachiosaur. Not only do you go on a rampage, you go on a rampage through the Raptor fences.

    Guess Sam Neill won’t be endorsing my park after all.

    • Wilson says:

      Yeah, he screwed me up too. Broke out and killed a load of folk one day, and went to sleep right next to the Allosaur enclosure. Next day, broke out the Allosaur, all hell broke loose…

      P.S. What dinosaur do I mean when I say Allosaur, I think I’m spelling it wrong.

  11. zergrush says:

    Is it possible to remove a fence?

  12. Clavus says:

    Loads of respect for John Hammond for keeping up that long because this shit is HARD.

  13. kororas says:

    Mine was going well on the 3rd attempt, until the 2nd braceosaraus (sp) woul’nt stop ramming himself into the electric fence (he had loads of room elsewhere) which incidentally was right next to the car & path. I could see what was about to happen but looked on helplessly as he got pissed off and trampled right across the centre of the park – instant park closure :(

  14. Malibu Stacey says:

    Fucking Velociraptors.

    I fear I’m not going to get any work done this afternoon.

  15. JellyD says:

    I can deal with the triceratops. Put him in a three by two area with normal fences and a tree just outside. I can deal with the flying bastards (forgot the name) single them out surrounded by a wooden fence. But then… You get a t-rex… Description: Good luck.
    I CANNOT deal with the t-rex!

  16. Nallen says:

    Welp, having just sat through a void ray rush, bunker rush and 6pool I could do with something stupid.

    You see what I did there?

    • HermitUK says:

      By the sound of things you put Zerg in your park and tried to pass them off as dinosaurs.

      That’s just plain false advertising.

    • Coins says:

      Zerg Tycoon. Blizzard, get to it.

  17. SquareWheel says:

    Awwww yeaaahhhh, DinoPark Tycoon.

    • SquareWheel says:

      Urghh, it’s a Flash game. With a really loud ad before it. And I’m guessing it’s domain locked so I can’t download to play it later. Bleh.

    • PoulWrist says:

      That was what I thought, but with worse graphics :p

    • DarkNoghri says:

      Man, three quarters of the way down the page before anyone mentions Dinopark Tycoon. What’s wrong with the rest of you people?

  18. _strictmachine says:

    Finally got the triceratops to not rampage by sticking him in the top left corner, building a plain fence so he had 1×2 squares, and sticking a tree just outside on the corner.

  19. noggin says:

    Is it just me or is the Adult Swim bongo ident music the loudest thing EVER?!

  20. Duck Puncher says:

    THANK YOU. I’ve been wanting to play DinoPark Tycoon lately, but for some reason DOSBox keeps crashing when I play it for just a few minutes.

  21. Drazilek says:

    I tried it. Failed at it. Tried it again… suffice to say, I’ll stick to the unicorn for now. I feel guilty everytime I see innocent visitors getting turned into blood-pixels.

  22. Zogtee says:

    Vlambeer and Not-Vlambeer are awesome, but I wish I could actually buy these games on (insert digital distribution channel of your choice here) instead of just playing them in a browser. That or create a standalone version like they did with Super Crate Box.

  23. Daoler says:

    “Mmh, a Brachiosaurus is in the middle of the road. Clearly I must ram into it and die.”

    Oh, come on!

  24. satsui says:

    There was a game called Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis that was like this, just more realistic. It was a pretty fun game.

    • Premium User Badge

      Carra says:

      “Just more realistic”.

      We’re still talking about a game where people make dinosaurs? :)

  25. Renk says:

    Ah, brings back memories. Back in elementary school we used to play DinoPark Tycoon all the time in the computer lab. So many classes wasted away constantly smashing that fly to make money =P

    That and games like Snap Dragon, Storybook Weaver, Odell Down Under, and Yukon trail… I should look into finding copies of all those games.

    • amishmonster says:

      Smashing the fly made money?! Of course I was on the Mac version that was lacking some other features too, if my friend’s PC copy was any indication.

  26. Jackablade says:

    Woah. One rampaging brachiosaur took out 2 stegosaurs, two velociraptors, an allosaur, a pteranodon, a triceratops and 2 parasauralophus. I hope the remaining unsquished guests enjoy looking at my tree. There’s not much else left.

  27. Sivart13 says:

    The bouncing menus and buttons are way fucking overdone on this thing.

    Also, other serious UI problems. You can’t delete fences?

  28. kororas says:

    2.9m is my record. Cant save it as the adult swim user registration dosent work ….

  29. TWeaK says:

    I think this must’ve been made by the devs of Radical Fishing