Pulling Mobs: TF2’s Über Update, Day One

Good morning, world. Speaking of Team Fortress 2, how about some actual Team Fortress news? It’s a fine day for the first details on the “most ambitious update in the history of Team Fortress 2”. The first part is a free weekend (starting now, for some reason), and an initial Mafia themed update, complete with a new Payload map. But what else? Valve say:

We don’t want to ruin it, but we’ll give you four clues to get you guessing:

1.) It IS a “Meet the” short.
2.) It involves ONE of the two remaining classes.
3.) It’s NOT the Pyro.
4.) It’s the MEDIC.

So it’s anyone’s guess. More news on this as it happens. I guess I’d better get the RPS TF2 server online, eh? Right, let’s do that.


  1. starclaws says:

    So its meet the Pyro! Right?!?

    • LionsPhil says:

      I think they’re saying they’re going to redo Meet the Heavy to be more in line with the later character videos.

      Oh, no, of course not.

      It’s Meet the Dispenser.

    • Cyberpope says:

      i think its meet the pigeon

    • PeopleLikeFrank says:

      That dispenser’s a spy.

    • tikey says:

      I really hope it’s a Meet the Hats video.

  2. McDan says:

    I’m still not entirely sure it’s about the mafia after reading that, if only they’d been more clear with the ambiguous metaphors they were using.

  3. killmachine says:

    cool. i was thinking buying tf2 lately. gonna have a look at it in the free week.

    such a pity here in germany we have a low violence version where clocks and bycicles drop out of players instead of blood. :( i know its comic, but…. not a fan of censorship.

    • Calneon says:

      I can’t believe there’s still people out there who don’t have TF2 :S.

    • Big Murray says:

      @Calneon: It probably holds the world record for “most copies owned which were never installed”.

    • crainey92 says:

      I purchased and played the game thoroughly with my friends when it went live but since then they have changed far too much for my liking, I just can’t understand what it is any more.

    • Daniel Rivas says:

      It’s a popular team-based first person shooter.

      It is also a video game, I’m not sure how far down your confusion goes.

      You play it on a computer.

      You can’t eat it.


    • Keymonk says:

      That’d explain the bad taste.

    • GHudston says:

      *ba-dum tsh*

    • 123 says:

      use a vpn or get someone to gift it to you.
      if you need help link to steamcommunity.com add me.

    • DivineRage says:

      You can get uncensored versions by using the following link;

      link to store.steampowered.com

      Ofcourse this is for the Dutch version. And it might not work for you, atleast not using Paypal. Steam checks your IP location to the location of paypal account holder, and it just won’t let you purchase it like that.

    • Wang Tang says:

      Or write the Steam Support. I’m playing from Germany with a German Orange Box TF2 version, and it’s uncut since I wrote them.

  4. Monchberter says:

    This update needs more Millers Crossing references.

    “I am going to send you to a deep dark place. And i’m going to have FUN doing it!”

    “They took his hat, Tommy. Jesus, that’s strange, why would they do that?”

    “You understand that if we don’t find a stiff out here, we leave a fresh one.”

    “You double-cross once – where’s it all end? An interesting ethical question.”

    “Jesus, I open my mouth, the whole world turns smart.”


    • The Pink Ninja says:

      How bizzare, saw that film for the first time yesterday

      I had to put subtitled on to realise Casper was saying “Ethics” not “Antics”

    • Wulf says:



      I really appreciated the effort.

  5. RaytraceRat says:

    is it still considered “cool” to be excited about TF2? Because I kinda am.

    • Baka says:

      I became more bitter and hat-hating update after update, but now I’m hyped for Meet the Medic like the first time I got CnC1 to run on my old rig.
      No amount of scout or spy abuse can take away my love for that class.

    • subedii says:

      I started up TF2 again after a long hiatus, in lieu of getting Brink.

      I was surprised to discover that regardless of eternal comments about how Valve “destroyed” TF2 and similar nonsense, it was still an awesome game, and I was having bucketloads of fun. It’s weird, I wasn’t actually expecting that.

      But hats be darned, the game’s still a gleeful cacophony of cartoony characters, cascading consistently into colossal crescendos of contrived, yet curiously charming combat. Collide as we do in our concentrated commotions, and commencing as we are in our contemplation of this comfortable congress, we find ourselves captivated by, nay, capitulating almost compulsorily to, the cheerful commotion that is:

      Team Fortress 2.

      You may call me C.

    • Rinox says:

      @ Baka

      Remember when Kane shot Seth during that FMV and you were all like “OMG DID THIS JUST HAPPEN”?

      Yeah, we’re old. :-/

  6. Malawi Frontier Guard says:

    Hey, it’s another payload map!

  7. Very Real Talker says:

    I dislike how the tf2 thematic elements went all over the place. It now includes everything from gay (the pink coloured stuff and all those gay particle effects on hats), to mafia, to realistic medieval, to japanese medieval, to fantasy. It’s a disgusting mess in my opinion. Used to love this game.

    I am seriously interested in the new, mysterious video. What is disappointing is that it is, apparently, a “short”. After all this time I would expect a fucking trilogy of full length movies

    • VelvetFistIronGlove says:

      More free stuff in TF2—hooray!

    • mbp says:

      I hear there is a new Chinese game called “Final Combat” coming out that remains faithful to Valve’s original implementation of TF2 but dispenses with all that imagination and creativity baggage. Perhaps you should check it out.

    • Malawi Frontier Guard says:

      Those disgusting gays are ruining my TF2!

    • applecup says:

      But Heavy and Medic were in there right from the start…

    • MikoSquiz says:

      Heavy/Medic is canon OTP, and you’re just going to have to live with it.

      The update that gave Heavy a samurai topknot gave the Medic a geisha wig. Shit, if the Scout didn’t already have the baseball thing locked down they would probably have given them a ball and a glove.

    • Raiyan 1.0 says:

      TF2 IS PIG

      (Yay! My first meme implementation! Today’s a big day! ^_^)

      (Edit: In retrospect, today’s probably a dark day.)

    • Daniel Rivas says:

      I like the idea of gay particles.

    • LionsPhil says:

      The field of homomagnetism is moderately well-understood by science, and its applications allow for everyday inventions such as the gaydar.

    • Zwebbie says:

      Very real talker: I think few people will disagree with you that the game has grown weaker in its thematic and visual aspects. Was that really what TF2 was all about, though? Its gameplay has seen some improvements with the variety added to it by all the updates. Which isn’t to say it’s not a shame how they handled it, mind.

    • Daniel Rivas says:

      I actually like the hats, but only the gay ones.

    • MikoSquiz says:


    • tossrStu says:

      I hope the gay hats stay forever.


    • Very Real Talker says:

      by the way, I think a game could work with a single coherent homosexual visual style. For example robot unicorn attack was a great flash game, and the visual elements had a distinct sexual preference for men. The gameplay was strictly heterosexual, being based on reaching incredible speed until you crashed onto something dying a fiery, explosive high speed violent heterosexual death. While team fortress 2 has added some gay elements to the game play, like throwing piss and sperm on other men.

      The problem with tf2 is just that it meshes too much stuff together, it’s not the gay colored hats with gay particle effects per se, it’s how much shit they mesh together. Maybe they should just focus the extra visual elements to specific map, or modes, or event-week.s Maybe have a mode\event where everything is colorful and gay and enemies explodes in colorful rainbows. Another with a medieval based map with medieval based weapons and hats for all classes (like they did). Adding all the elements at once is ugly in my opinion.

      Also the game gets more and more clogged with each update, making it increasingly annoying to play.

      Another thing I would tone down in tf2 is the aural pollution, the characters talk way too much in my opinion, they should limit the frequency of their chit chat. Need a dispenser here is an exception, I never hear that enough in game, and I hate playing as scout without being able of constantly reminding the team engineers of the necessity of dispensers everywhere.

  8. DJ Phantoon says:

    I KNEW IT!



    • Monchberter says:

      is the gangster connection John Woo movies? His gangster (ok, Hong Kong gangster) films are full of doves.

    • Rinox says:

      Wait what, I saw a pigeon on a roof while playing Upward yesterday, and it exploded/someone shot it as soon as I got closer. I remember thinking that I never saw it there before. Mmm.

  9. Dawngreeter says:

    Obligatory snide hats remark.

  10. Gundrea says:

    Hey, don’t criticise the hats until you walk a mile in their shoes.

  11. CaspianRoach says:

    — Hello, my name is Caspian and I have never played Team Fortress 2.
    — Hi, Caspian!

    By the way, you can touch me for a dollar.

    • Corrupt_Tiki says:



      ..so many crazies on here lately, did they close a hospital or something?

    • LionsPhil says:

      If you’re going to phrase it like that, let me just set up my automated poking machine, and soon I will be rich beyond my mediocre dreams!

    • JackShandy says:

      Now’s the time to try it, then, what with this free weekend an’ all.

    • Squirrelfanatic says:

      Free touching? Consider me interested.

  12. Mastrix says:

    Actually the entire week is free, hence starting today. This is also rumored to be a lead-up to announcing that TF2 is in fact Free to Play from now on, as indicated by actually changing the price of the game on Steam and not putting it on sale.

  13. Aesop says:

    You guys! Finally! Meet the Sentry!

    P.S. RPS TF2 IP. Cough it up.

    • LionsPhil says:

      We met the sentries during the mistitled Meet the Engineer short. You can’t tell me that adorable little level one turret wasn’t the star.

      The RPS TF2 server seems to be down 99% of the time. It’s in my favourites but hardly ever actually shows up.

  14. Keymonk says:

    Aha! It’s free from the start of the week till the end (of the week.)

  15. Nimic says:

    I’d love for this to excite me like the TF2 updates of old, but it just.. doesn’t.

  16. airtekh says:

    Gah! Why does all this stuff have to happen while I’m on holiday?

    Wonder if it’s possible to stream TF2 to my android phone? Hmm.

    • Malibu Stacey says:

      Considering the Macbook Pro I have from the office is barely able to render TF2 with all graphical options turned to low I suspect not.

  17. Outright Villainy says:

    Given this new mafia tinge to the update, does this mean the pigeon thing makes sense yet? I’m going to say that yes, yes it does.
    link to looneytunes.wikia.com

  18. I LIKE FOOD says:

    I have OCD and have deleted everything in my backpack several times over, including my medal and all my hats. So I stopped playing. Lol. :(

  19. gaybolis says:

    FUCK THIS this make me not want to play after just buying it yesterday and fuck they make it free FU mother fuckingucker gayshitFUCKS

  20. deabreu says:

    FINALLY some decent shit for the spy! I’ve been using mostly the default loadout, since the ambassador headshot is crap and all other watches last like 3 seconds. all I need is some decent hats, now

    and the new heavy stuff looks very interesting as well

    • MikoSquiz says:

      The Ringer and the C&D + Eternal Reward can both be absolute murder if deployed right.

      I just topped my team on Hightower using the Ringer + Reward, even, which seems insane on the face of it but seemed to work.

  21. RiptoR says:

    Uninstalled TF2 months ago after all the hat-shenanigans ripped out all the fun for me…

  22. HeavyStorm says:

    (Not sure someone noted that yet) It’s not a free weekend, it’s a free week, that’s why it starts today.

  23. squareking says:


  24. JohnnyMaverik says:

    Can’t wait watch that short and find out what new goodies the pyro will be getting.

  25. mangrove says:

    Nixie tubes!

  26. Nim says:

    Another update, another performance loss.