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Take A Seat: Scorpion Psychiatrists Of Saturn

So Pac Man, the eternal hunt symbolises eternal greed for your father's riches, yes?

What do you get if you squeeze Don’t Take It Personally Babe, It Just Ain’t Your Story and Lesbian Spider Queens From Mars together? A hurried visit to the Scorpion Psychiatrists of Saturn, of course. You may find its intro oddly familiar:

I am the in-house psychiatrist of Saturn’s best private school. Some students find me creepy. They should! I’m a scorpion! Actually, we’re pretty common on Saturn. But hey, whatever. Besides, a scorpion is needed for a school with this much drama! I’ll solve their emotional problems using my stinging advice beam! But I need to keep my distance lest I get involved myself!

Press space to start playing, arrow keys to move around. It’s a hack of Lesbian Spider Queens, so the same neat always-on attack mechanic has been repurposed for a more mentally sound experience. There’s a 64-bit friendly version linked in the first comment on the game’s page, and don’t forget to install the fonts. Happily, the creator of Don’t Take It Personally, Christine Love, exclaims in the comments:

oh my god, what did I do to deserve this? it’s not even my birthday or anything!

You know, indie game developers/rom hackers of the world: I’d like to see more of this kind of thing. How about a Messhof game crossed with Edmund McMillen’s brain? Can the internet hold such madness?

Actually, on second thought, best you don’t answer that. I don’t really want to know.

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Andrew Smee

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