Announcing: Quindependence Day


Hello, ladies! Men.

I joined the RPS team this time last year. Following almost twelve months of PC gaming news, reviews, thrills and spills, some of which the RPS server was actually up for, I’m announcing that today, the fourth of July, or Quindependance day, will be my last day on the site. I’m going back to ordinary freelancing. But before I go, I’d quickly like to say thanks.

The RPS readership is, as you lot must know deep down in your aluminium, fan-cooled hearts, the finest of any gaming site around. I’d like to thank you for making me laugh every single day with what you write in the comments, as well as generally being a pleasure to write for. I’d especially like to thank everybody who ever wrote in with a tip for me, because you contributed to my humble dream of being able to start drinking at 1pm.

I’d like to thank the RPS founders for not just giving me the freedom to write god knows how many words about Norrland, but to go on to pay me for it.

Most of all, though, I’d like to thank Jim for meticulously replacing every single piece of my cursed PC over several trips to London and then continuing to puzzle over it when it still didn’t work. He fixed it, in the end. Of course he did. He’s a PC gamer, same as you.

While I’ll be around and freelancing for RPS in the future (as well as attending any future London RPS social clubs, for sure), I’d like to close with a list of all the work I’ve done for RPS that I’m proud of, because it’s simply so much longer than it would be for any other site or magazine in existence.


Butchering Pathologic. My love letter to the single strangest, strongest game I’ve ever played, and the only game I’ve loved enough to get a tattoo of.

Planetside: The 1%. Telling stories from within games is pretty much my thing, and this is the single best story I have to tell. There’s some stuff I’d change about the writing, but who cares? It happened to me, I went onto RPS and screamed about it, and people wrote to me saying they really enjoyed it. That’s as crystalline as this job gets.

AHL: The 5am. The above story might be the most cinematic, but I like this one of an expedition into a labyrinthine, evil map secret more. More spooky games journalism! That’s what I say.

Pitchfork Media: A Portrait of Wurm Online. Speaking of spooky journalism, this account of being robbed by hicks in hardcore indie MMORPG Wurm Online is about as intimidating as new games journalism gets.

Gameboys From Hell. Solium Infernum is a play-by-email strategy game by Vic Davis that casts players as arch-demons warring over who will rule Hell. Gameboys From Hell was our epic diary of a two-month long game that came close to ruining friendships. You think Song of Ice & Fire features venemous characters? You ain’t seen nothing yet. I read this again every single year, and it just gets better.

Neptune’s Pride and Falls. This fucking game.

Galactic Bartender. Space Station 13 is a free-form online game where players fill all the roles of a huge space station, making it a bit like Babylon 5 with everybody adlibbing their lines. As a trained real-life bartender, I figured I’d ply my trade in outer space. It went well, considering.

The Song of Onionbog. Seeing as RPS hadn’t yet had the inevitable Dwarf Fortress diary, I figured I’d have a go. Yeah, I didn’t finish it, but I like the format it took- one part new games journalism with one part friendly tutorial, the idea being it could simultaneously show the appeal of Dwarf Fortress while teaching you the basics. The fact that I didn’t play the game for two days and then couldn’t bring myself to return to it and re-learn all those hotkeys speaks volumes. I’m sorry, Dwarf Fortress. I love you.

Captain Smith. How shit can somebody be at Mount & Blade? I found the answer.

Wot I Think: Winter Voices. My single favourite part of working for RPS is nudging unlikely games into the limelight. I couldn’t bring myself to write a positive review of that early version of Winter Voices, but the discussion is the thing.

The Space Funeral Advent Calendar entry. There was a similar thrill in getting Space Funeral on the advent calendar. RPS contributor Brendan Caldwell reckons it’s a funnier game than Portal 2. Minute for minute, I reckon I agree with him.

Wot I Think: SpaceChem. The process of reviewing SpaceChem had me glowing for days. The game was a diamond, I feel like the review captured its brilliance and then you guys commented by the dozen saying you’d bought it and how much you loved it. At best, games journalism is like that- you’re just some tiny mediator standing between the gamer and true love.

This Deus Ex 3 preview. I was always happy at how balanced this one turned out to be, but hearing that the devs felt it captured the game was the real thrill. Sometimes it’s all too easy to feel you’re just bellowing into the dark.

The King of Space interview. A six thousand word tour of everything that makes Eve Online special that I’m not sure any interview I do will ever surpass.

Mine the Gap. Never mind writing about Minecraft first. I like that I wrote about that special Minecraft experience of getting lost in a cave first. If somebody had gotten there before me, I’d have spent years kicking myself.

Snake To Death: The Majesty of Spelunky. The tightest game that I wrote about while at the peak of my “tight” phase. The result is the kind of enthusiasm that at once makes me wince and feel proud. On the subject, you have all played Spelunky, yes? YES?


OK, that’s it from me. I’m off. You guys take care of yourselves, and thanks again for making me laugh so very much.


~ Quinns

EDIT: Quinns informed us he’d like the following edited into the end of his post:


  1. Tomski says:

    Damn, another one flees the hive mind. Thanks for all the puns and good luck wherever you’re writing next!

  2. emotionengine says:

    Ah, sad. Well I guess now is the time to say it: I need not mention how much I enjoy RPS in general but it was your stories that made me smile the most. I loved how you turned even the seemingly most banal of news updates into comedy gold with your hilarious, fine and insightful writing. And not to mention that I thoroughly enjoyed your more ‘serious’ articles in equal measure. The AHL 5AM article is probably my favourite piece of games journalism, ever.

  3. Om says:

    This is all no doubt a product of that New Vegas review :nod:

  4. Narretz says:

    Why Quinns why? Is it because of a girl?
    Ah who am I kidding, it’s always because of a girl!
    Don’t do it Quinns, you are still young, don’t waster your precious life, play PC Games all day instead.

  5. JB says:

    Sorry to see you go Cap’n Quinns, but good luck with the freelancing.

    Don’t be a stranger, y’hear?

  6. MrTambourineMan says:

    Awwww man that sucks. Good luck to you though. BTW: Mine The Gap is absolutely, positively the best article series in history of journalism, I laughed my balls off man :)

  7. President Weasel says:

    You may have been the traitorous weak link in my blood bowl team (damn you), but I’ve enjoyed your writings. Good luck with the freer lancing.

  8. Alaric says:

    This is unfortunate for us, and hopefully very fortunate for you, Quinns.

    In honor of you, I declare that today there must be fireworks. So it is said and so it shall be.

  9. DiamondDog says:

    Good luck, sir. I certainly hope you continue to do some stuff for RPS and, you know, generally loiter about.

    Notch owes you a big thanks for that Minecraft diary. You also owe me several days worth of sleep.

  10. Raziel_aXd says:

    Really, how can you not love RPS? Look at the bond it has created between the dudes behind it and its readership. Cheers, Quinn.

  11. Talon says:

    -salutes- May the road always rise to meet you, Quinn.

  12. MartinNr5 says:

    It is sad to see you go but I still wish all the best on your future adventures.

    Take care!

  13. The Pink Ninja says:

    Did Jim pat you on the ass or something?

  14. Ginhyun says:


    You were my favorite RPS writer. Your articles were always the ones I would link others to because they were so hilariously written.

    This is the worst fourth of July ever.

  15. Kadayi says:

    Good luck duder, we shall miss you

  16. Stense says:

    Its been great reading your stuff here, and I’ll look forward to reading your writing elsewhere too, and possibly talking nonsense at you at future rps social meet ups.

    We’ll miss you, best wishes on your freelancery.

  17. zipdrive says:

    Thanks, Quinns!
    Is it bad form to ask why you’re leaving?

  18. Hunam says:

    Ordinary freelance = gaming in pants when he can be bothered!

  19. Raiyan 1.0 says:


    My entire day was shitty, and when I sit down to get me some RPS, I get… this?

    No more write-ups like The 1%, Captain Smith and Butchering Pathologic?

    I hope your new Globo venture crashes and burns so that you’re forced to come back and write here!

    Because fuck you.

    At least hang around with us in the comments section, will you? :'(

  20. Deston says:

    A long, long time ago…
    I can still remember
    How that RPS used to make me smile.
    And I knew if Quinns had his chance
    He could make the Hivemind dance
    And, maybe, they’d be happy, for a while.

    But July came and he was gone
    And Jim disabled his respawn,
    Bad news on the front page;
    It inspired so much rage.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read his piece on Planetside,
    But something touched me deep inside
    The day that Quinns’ articles died.

    So bye-bye, you mad RPS guy
    We got the dwarves into the fortress
    But the fortress was dry.
    And them RPS boys were sadly waving goodbye
    Singin’, “we need someone else to apply.
    we need someone else to apply.”

  21. Sepulchrave76 says:

    You’re leaving today especially so you can make that Quindependance Day pun? Such tireless dedication to the cause *sniff* Good luck in all of your future endeavours

  22. Handsome Dead says:

    quinns is cool

  23. Xocrates says:

    You have done your job well and you shall be remembered.

    Good luck.


  24. Jimbo says:

    Godspeed, sir. You shall be missed.

  25. Thants says:

    It wasn’t on RPS, but someone’s got to link to Journey Of Saga. Because it’s fantastic.

  26. lhzr says:

    oh, this ain’t good news, but since you seem happy about it, i guess it’s cool. so go disco the shit outta the world, quinns.


  27. mattratcliffe says:

    Ah that is a shame. I still have that Ginger biscuit kicking around somewhere you dished out a while back.
    Good luck with your adventures!

  28. Isometric says:

    It’s been a pleasure and I wish you all the best for future endeavours.

  29. JFS says:

    Good luck, Mr Smith. It might come in handy.

  30. Dozer says:

    Last week I dreamt I met you Quinns! You looked like a skinny, short John Walker with a similar beard and 5 years younger.

    I hated the way your articles made me go out and spend money and time on excellent games. I’m sure I’d still be employed if I hadn’t gotten to work late after staying up all night playing Spacechem months ago…

    Oh wait, I am employed. And at a better job. So thank you Quinns for your incidental role in my career transition!

    Just be sure to tweet every article you publish while freelance, ok?

  31. sdtipps says:

    Well Quinns, I was going to send in my resume today, but I hate the idea of applying for your job. There are going to be some big shoes to fill at castle shotgun. You will be missed.

  32. Tams80 says:


  33. ColOfNature says:

    So many unfinished stories.

    So long, Quinns. We hardly knew ye.

  34. DiamondDog says:

    Actually, I think Jim could just blackmail him into staying. Threaten to cut off his tech support.

  35. The Army of None says:

    Best of luck in your quest for Iron, quinns, you’ll be missed.

  36. FunkyBadger3 says:

    So long, and thanks for everything. Particularly the Pathologic piece, the last entry of Captain Smith, as it were, and the Vegas review.

    Superb, brave and funny writing of words. Not necessarily in that order.

  37. FunkyBadger3 says:

    Dis one’s for you, big fella…

    Iron Man

  38. Chunga says:

    The Gameboys From Hell – I loved it all the way. Wonderful! As any holiday in Hell is, as you all know. Thank you, Quinns!

  39. Frantics says:

    Bah, not already. You’re a great writer – loads of personality and humour above intelligent points, not the easiest traits to effectively convey in gaming articles, though obviously in good company here at RPS. Good luck with anything you do in the future. I will miss reading your articles here man. byeee *pours out a 40*

  40. thesundaybest says:

    Your narrative descriptions of games–Minecraft, Mount & Blade–were my favourite part of the site. If nothing else, please don’t stop writing these.

    In fact…self-published book? Single issue magazine? I’d buy it. I’d buy it eleventy times.

    All the best.

  41. SoupDuJour says:

    Really enjoyed reading your writings, meesta Quinns. Especially the solium infernum, boiling point and planetside stories were great. ^__________^

    GLHF o/

  42. kikito says:

    So, now that Quinss is an indepenent agent again, does it mean that we can pay him so to finish The Song of Onionbog?

  43. Mike says:

    Godspeed Quinns. You were the tightest of the tight.

  44. matty_gibbon says:

    Aw crap.

    I don’t comment on ere a huge deal, but I do read everything that RPS puts out. And Quins your diaries are genuinely my favourite pieces on RPS. So actually feeling a little sad now. *Sniff*

    Good luck Sir, and don’t be a stranger.

  45. Easy says:

    Quinns… you were disguised as the priest, first to hit the dancefloor, right? Bless you my son.

  46. Legionary says:

    So long Quinns. Thanks for all the puns, and may your roads all be paved with iron.

  47. Squishpoke says:

    First Kieron, now Quinns?

  48. Hydrogene says:

    Captain Smith, thank you for this amazing year, writing about all your wonderful and hilarious adventures. I’ll miss your horrible puns (the ones I understood at least) and your quite unique brand of humour.
    Good luck in your life outside of Castle Shotgun!
    /Can I humbly ask now why Quinns lacks iron??

  49. alice says:

    This is the worst news.