The Asskickers = Punching Frenchmen

Le Asskickers, surely?

The PC: home of shooting men, stabbing men and making men build things, but very rarely about punching men. The early-90s flood of side-scrolling man-thumpers pretty much passed the PC by, probably because we are too busy trying to find where we’d left our Monkey Island code wheels and desperately blowing dust off broken floppy disks in the hopeless hope they’d magically start working again. The Asskickers has, I must confess, a name that makes me wince (curse my terribly British language sensibilities), but I kinda like the high-res, hand-drawn and oh-so-very-French graphics.

Rather tragically, there is no demo as yet – which is exactly the kind of thing an unheard-of indie curio really needs if it wants a fire lit under it. So all I can do for now is point you at the video of this Parisian Streets of Rage. I’ve played a bit of it, and bar its intro dialogue wibbling on for far too long it seems like a cheery mix of thoroughly retro punchosity with distinctively Gallic and tongue-in-cheek aesthetic values.

Watch out for the guys on scooters, by the way. Those guys are dicks. Here’s the trailer, though unfortunately its choice of arcade presentation and shrunken footage doesn’t really show off the look unless you go 720p and full-screen:

Includes shared-screen multiplayer too, like in the past.

Like the sound of duffing up French blokes (and ladies too)? The Asskickers is out now for download purchase from AGO Games, for the peculiar but regionally-sensitive price of £11.51/$17.42/€11.99.


  1. Domothy says:

    I love impregnating French men. Can’t get enough of it.

  2. Doesntmeananything says:

    That’d be Les Asskickers.

  3. Shazbut says:

    I’m struggling to understand why they’d show their gameplay footage in a tiny window like that. Surely if you’re proud of your game, you’d want people to be able to see it clearly.

    • mwoody says:

      If you look closely at how badly it’s drawn and animated, that decision makes more sense.

      Now I know what it looks like when someone who has never seen anyone throw a punch attempts to depict such an action in, for some reason, 3 frames of animation.

    • lhzr says:

      stop it with the smack talk, if you don’t want your asses.. uh.. kicked?

  4. Zogtee says:

    But do you get to beat up a man in a wheelchair? And then toss him out a window? Because that’s been the benchmark ever since Final Fight.

  5. geldonyetich says:

    Video makes me think it’s a Final Fight clone… and 1989 Capcom game is considerably more stylish and has tighter gameplay. But look at those expensive video transitions – ooh!

  6. Squirrelfanatic says:

    Can’t see a darn thing in that video. No idea if it is well done or not.

  7. TonyB says:

    Based on that video your definition of “split-screen” seems to be somewhat different to mine.

  8. Teddy Leach says:

    I enjoy punching Frenchmen in my free time.

  9. Tei says:

    Why all italians have turtle names? Micheaelangelo, Leonardo…

  10. BobsLawnService says:

    Reminds me slightly of Target Renegade.

    • lhzr says:

      mmm, yeah, it’s got that same jump-kicking bikers off their bikes thing. other than that, dunno.. seems a bit slower? or perhaps i’m misremembering it in the light of that streets of rage compilation thing that was released and promptly shut down a while ago (excellent game, btw, should still be up on torrents somewhere)

      those who don’t know target renegade, should be able to play it online here: link to

    • gummybearsliveonthemoon says:

      No, that was in Streets of Rage 2 and 3..

  11. chickdigger802 says:

    sprites look good.

    those animations have much to be desired though…

  12. Premium User Badge

    Hodge says:

    It reminds me of a side-scrolling beat ’em up I once played.

    To be honest, people have made stuff with OpenBOR which looks more impressive than this. Or alternatively, Sega have proper-legal versions of the first two Streets Of Rage games on Steam for $3.50 each (not to mention that fan remix from a couple months back). There’s nothing in that video to suggest that this is any more sophisticated than any of those.

  13. Synesthesia says:

    andy kramer tut get?

  14. UnravThreads says:

    Lol wut?

  15. Baggypants says:

    So, No Demo AND a terrible shrunken video? Proof then that these developers loath their audience. I expect they are hard coding the keymap and adding support for the Xbox gamepad as we speak.

  16. AlephAleph says:

    Funny how they put so much effort in the trailer visuals, with cool fx everywhere, but didn´t seem to put that much effort in the game itself. It´s a bad strategy, by contrast you can see even clearer that the animations suck.

  17. TsunamiWombat says:

    Well, that was…bard.

  18. BobbleHat says:

    It looks like something I’d find on Newgrounds. Shame; I feel that side-scrolling beat ’em ups are a genre sadly missing in this day and age.

  19. MrEvilGuy says:

    “The thought they were above the law”

    • Hmm-Hmm. says:

      That could have worked, though. When I saw that I was hoping that wasn’t a spelling error..

  20. Nick Ahlhelm says:

    I was thinking “hey this would be a good Streets of Rage clone to waste a couple bucks on.” Then I saw the $17 price tag and laughed.

  21. gummybearsliveonthemoon says:

    Eesh. EESH. Floating jumping, minimal animation, walking like puppets… nah.

  22. Tunips says:

    Was that Batou towards the end? I rather think it was.

  23. fuggles says:

    Love the genre, would love to see it come back but this does not look good. Having played Streets of Rage Remake V5 then I’m sated for quality for a while, although provide me with a demo and I’ll certainly try and maybe buy.

  24. fuggles says:

    never mind

  25. Prince says:

    Holy hell!
    Just tried this… Suffice it to say, the insipid name is actually the best part of the game.
    I wouldn’t buy this, even at a 10th of the price!