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Impotent: New Cargasm Footage

Imagine if it looked like this.

It’s hard to fathom Candella Software’s Cargasm. The game so creepily boasts that “players will be constantly exhorted to go faster by a bevy of Cargasm Girls,” and, “if they are fast enough, players can collect these ravishing maidens for their own personal Cargasm Harem.” Then it makes claims of “meticulously recreated photorealistic real-world locations”. But everything released so far shows neither. We’ve seen not a moving car, and perhaps thankfully, none of these collectable women. Today there’s a new trailer for the game, which is said to show off its real world locations. And you can see it below.

The first thing you may notice is missing is cars. Somehow, this far down the line, we still haven’t see a car moving on a road. There have been some impressive-looking screenshots, but in motion things start to look a touch different.

The second thing you may notice is it doesn’t seem too professional. This is the AVI as we were sent it, which I presume has suffered in some way. It looks to my eyes like it didn’t survive a transition from a Mac format (although the upload to YouTube has fixed some of the weirder glitches). But more significantly, this looks to me to be an attempt to suggest some sort of in-game view, whereas it looks to me like a fly-through of a static level via a floating camera. Those jaggedy movement and awkward inability to turn, for instance.

This is then finished off by once again ending a demo of a forthcoming PC game, using PC footage, with the claim that it’s available on the App Store. Well, now, that’s true – you can buy Cargasm for a hefty £2.39 on the iTunes App Store, but of course it looks absolutely nothing like the version in the video (even though they continue to describe the dodgy iOS graphics as being “photo realistic”.

So it’s all a bit strange, really.

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John Walker


Once one of the original co-founders of Rock Paper Shotgun, they killed me out of jealousy. I now run

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