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Eurogamer Retro: Tomb Raider Legend

She's a brave girl, existing without internal organs.

I really do like Tomb Raider Legend. Obviously I hate its boss fights, and clearly I’m not so stupid as to enjoy the QTE nonsense that occasionally infects it. But it was such a treat to see Lara brought back to life, once more in a world tailor-made for her personal jumping distance, in a way remarkably faithful to the game’s triumphant early releases. And even more so, with its surprising sense of humour. And so it is that I celebrate this, with caveats, over on Eurogamer. I say things like,

“It’s exquisitely British, too. When realising that the clues (oh yes ‘the plot’ well, Lara’s friend Amanda didn’t die when she thought she did, and there’s this sword in bits, and something about Lara’s mum, and so on) are taking them from their exotic worldwide locations to, well, Cornwall, Lara replies, ‘As in, take the M5 to the A30, Cornwall?’”

I also had a bit of an insane post-boss fight rant which didn’t make it into the final edit, that I’ve put below.

“I utterly fucking HATE Tomb Raider Legend. I hate it. I hate the people who made it. I hate stupid Lara and her stupid smug face. I hate anyone who marketed, sold it in a shop, or gave it to a relative as a present.

Which is a weird reaction toward a game I really like. But screw that. Screw everything good about this towering arsehole of a game. Burn it all. Because it’s just killed me for the eighth time in a row on its stupid, hideously programmed, badly conceived, and spitefully delivered final boss, and I want every copy in the world thrown into a giant hole, shat on by anyone who’s had to play this section, and then blown up with a thousand bombs.

I’m sat here boiling with rage, with no desire to write about what makes Legend such a fantastic and underrated game. Because I’d prefer it had never existed.”

Also, if you want to see something of a counterpoint to my perspective of what’s genuinely a lovely game, you can read Stuart “Idiotface” Campbell’s awful 80,000 word rant about a game he barely played and found too difficult to control, so addled is his brain with tiresome twin-stick shooters.

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John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founders of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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