The best PC games ever The best PC games of 2018 so far Best graphics card 2018 Best free games Artifact guide Fallout 76 guide

60

The Witcher 2 Gets Witchier Too (Patch 1.3)

That Vergen bitch? Totally deserved it. She knows what she did. You will rue this patch. Oh yes...

Ladies, gentlemen, be seated, for today is a solemn and joyful occasion: the adding of a new entry to the Patch Notes Hall of Fame, right next to the special Boiling Point Memorial Annex (as so memorably earned with notes like “the snake wasn’t able to bite you while you were crawling” and “fixed: size of the moon”). The Witcher 2, lay your goodness upon us:

Option to fist fight woman praying at a statue in Vergen has been deactivated.

And breathe… and relax. That’s not the only addition though, with others including a smoothing over of the difficulty curve, the inventory getting a new ‘Junk’ option to make it clear what you can get rid of, innkeepers looking after your stuff while you’re out questing, the protective power of Quen being dialed down, and map markers actually going in the right place. Most excitingly of all, there’s a brand new quest! I think we all know what that means. Yes! It’s Diary Time!

THE WITCHER 2: A SACKFUL OF FLUFF – ENTRY #1

You’ll find the brand new DLC quest in the second chapter, by tracking down a mysterious guy in a shed outside Vergen. Since it’s been ages since I fired up The Witcher 2, I can’t wait to find out what kind of sexy excitement awaits. I’m expecting pretty demon girls, action, excitement and adventure – all the glorious things in life that make a lonely Witcher’s lot worth enduring. Hail, desperate citizen. How can mighty Geralt save you today?

“Can you bring me some harpy feathers?” asks the man in the shack. “Like… 60?”

TEDIOUS FETCH QUEST SKIPPED BECAUSE YOUTUBE EXISTS

Aaaaanyway…

Odd developer jokes aside, there’s lots of good stuff in this patch, so if you haven’t played the best RPG of the year (so far, at least…), you’re in luck. If you’ve got the standard version, head here for a full list of the changes made, and to download it. Any online stores not covered by that patcher – and there seem to be a couple – should be updated Real Soon Now.

Please enable Javascript to view comments.

Comments are now closed. Go have a lie down, Internet.

Advertisement

Latest videos