I Choo-Choo-Chews You: Burrito Bison

Like Minotaur China Shop, but with less china, more jelly sweets and less regret

Bored? You are about to be unbored. Free browser game Burrito Bison is nothin’ but stoopid, and that’s why it works. It’s in the vein of about a million other play-until-you-fail infinite distance Flash and iOS games – Canabalt, Tiny Wings, you name it – but crucially it’s about a roid-raging bison wrestler fatally bouncing off the heads of vengeful gummi bears. The art’s lovely, it falls somewhere between sadism and absurdism, and it’s viciously compulusive in its cash-collection/skill-unlocking infini-cycle. I don’t have time to play this. I’m going to play this for the rest of the day.

Via Edge.


  1. Askeladd says:

    Oh, this looks like a game to let some steam off.

  2. LarsBR says:

    Huh, I played this some time ago, and was pretty sure it was RPS that sent me there in the first place. Alec probably discovered his mistake and deleted the old article!

  3. Magnetude says:

    These Sengoku ads don’t beat about the bush, do they?

  4. Burning Man says:

    B-b-but I played this AGES ago. And finished it too.

    RPS YOU ARE SLOOOOW. Also are we supposed to send in little notes on every Kongregate/Armor Games game we love?

  5. Alec Meer says:

    You know what’s old? Saying something is old on the internet. Boooooooooooooooooooooring.

    • DBG says:

      Plese, answer this question

      Also are we supposed to send in little notes on every Kongregate/Armor Games game we love?

      Because this game was featured on Kongregate and if the answer is yes then i’ll make sure to review all featured games and send good ones in.

    • Alec Meer says:

      Tip-offs to cool indie/free games are always welcome. We can’t look at everything, but we try to.

  6. Anarki says:

    Warning: I completed this yesterday but it took me about 2 hours. One of those games where you always think “Just one more upgrade will do it!”. Great fun though.

  7. Premium User Badge

    Hodge says:

    Well I hadn’t played it, and I think it is quite splendid. SO THERE.

  8. LionsPhil says:

    Hmm. This seems to mostly be a rubbish (honestly, having to click to dismiss pop-ups is horrid) version of Nanaca Crash, trading combos for a store.

    (2574.87m, and many badly bruised vaccuous anime chacters.)

    • Premium User Badge

      Hodge says:

      4139.60m. And you’re right, this one is better (though I enjoyed them both).

    • LionsPhil says:

      I believe my personal high is 6659.70m, but I’ve seen a friend get into five figures the high side of the decimal point.

    • Lambchops says:

      i’m sure one of my friends got a ludicrously amazing score at that game when we were playing it in IT classes at school instead of working many years ago. Gloriously silly it was.

    • Phoenix says:

      I think you’ve got it the wrong way around. This anime one with horrible production values and none of the charm would qualify as the “rubbish version”.

    • zbeeblebrox says:

      Nacana Crash was amusing, like, seven years ago. These days, I don’t play crappy flash games full of anime references I’ll never get unless I’m incredibly, incredibly high.

      Personally, my favorite version of this genre (whatever the hell you call this genre) is Blast RPG because mixing this with those seemingly-pointless autoattack RPG games is really appropriate. Also, it doesn’t start you at zero power, which I find tedious.

  9. Dobalina says:

    “It took you 01:24:70”.

    PLEASE tell me that’s in minutes and seconds.

  10. frypiggy says:

    Where’s the picture of a train?

    If you’re going to quote The Simpsons… at least include a picture of a train!

    BTW, this game is…. ok, I guess.

    P.S. WHERE’S MY BURRITO?!?! WHERE’S MY BURRITO?!?! (Another Simpsons quote)

  11. deadly.by.design says:

    R.I.P. Friday Productivity

  12. Fitzmogwai says:

    Screw the naysayers. This is ace.

  13. Riztro says:

    Lovely little game, do wish it had a few more stages however. 1.02.60 is the best I’ve managed so far. Maybe with more upgrades.

  14. BobTheJanitor says:

    It took me a little while to figure out why there was a picture of his underpants with a needle on it down in the corner. Then it hit me, and I groaned.

    It’s a Speedo-meter.

  15. Robin says:

    I enthused about this game with gesticulating motions to a roomful of people at Gamecamp earlier this year.

    I think the established name for the genre is “Launch games”, confusingly enough.

    Burrito has massively more interactivity after the initial launch than most of these games.

  16. Stephen Roberts says:

    This kind of game holds my attention for about sixteen seconds. It would have been much less time than that but the artwork for the two page comic introduction was pretty cool.

    What is the attraction? I started disliking it at the spinning launch thing.

  17. pertusaria says:

    This was fun at first, but I got a little sick of revisiting the first two levels, and the fact that the main object was speed meant the game got progressively harder to watch. I prefer the similar Shopping Cart Hero, also on Kongregate.