Diableta: We Are Totally Playing It!

Us, later.
Jim: i am totally downloading it!
John: I’m totally downloading it too!
Jim: We are so cool.


John: I’m totally playing.
Jim: I’m totally playing too!


  1. Nighthood says:

    I don’t understand any of this post.

    • GenBanks says:

      The Diablo 3 closed beta has started.

      If you opted in using your Battle.net account and got lucky, then you will have gotten an invite (I didn’t!)

    • Nighthood says:

      Now I prefer when I was ignorant of the whole thing.

  2. Sleepymatt says:

    One hopes your internet-pipes don’t block up.

  3. Dina says:


    • xenist says:

      Their fuckery is indeed quite evident. Where’s MY key Blizzard?

  4. GenBanks says:

    I hate both of you.

    /bitter jealousy

  5. Anguy says:

    no comprendo

  6. Navagon says:

    This looks like a prelude to a running commentary on the game. Or is that just wishful thinking?

  7. Jeremy says:

    I refuse to be happy for you.

  8. Azradesh says:

    I hate you both. With a passion. Until I get in that is.

    • KaputtChino says:

      I just hate then! Not because they are allowed in and I’m not, but because they rub it in our FACES!

  9. Gothnak says:

    I still don’t get the excitement of playing something FIRST, i just like to play it when it is WORKING PROPERLY :)…

    So, the more beta testers before i get to play it later, the better :)…

    • Jim Rossignol says:

      First is best! It means you won the race.

    • nubbuka says:

      I too am not a fan of betas anymore.. after participating in a few, most of them alone without my real-time friends playing with me. Just random generated interweb people.
      When the game finally is released I don’t have the passion to play it again =\
      Although I don’t think that might have happened with Diablo ._______.
      Have fun guys :P

    • AndrewC says:

      Starting first usually means you cheated.

    • AndrewC says:

      And finishing first means you are bad in bed.

      Playing the Diablo III closed beta is like making love to a beautiful woman…

    • Hoaxfish says:

      Playing the Diablo III closed beta is like making love to a beautiful woman

      while she’s in the middle of reconstructive surgery

    • sinister agent says:

      And finishing first means you are bad in bed.

      Indeed. Good sex is essentially brinkmanship.

    • Eightball says:

      Indeed. Good sex is essentially brinkmanship.

      So that’s why the ladies loved Kissinger…

    • DigitalSignalX says:

      Here’s a quick info-graphic to explain.

      link to img716.imageshack.us

  10. Tainted says:

    Crushing disappointment in 3….2…..1….

    (Secretly holding out hope that its not awful)

  11. meatshit says:

    Now that’s just mean.

  12. jellydonut says:

    i hate you guys

    hate you

  13. man-eater chimp says:

    Live impressions?


  14. Hoaxfish says:

    Is there an NDA on the beta?

  15. pakoito says:


  16. cmc5788 says:


  17. Jamesworkshop says:

    I downloaded it too

    days ago

    can’t play it though

  18. KillahMate says:

    I’m sure it will be a very polished game. Not so sure it will be in any way interesting.

    • TillEulenspiegel says:

      A nice summation of my thoughts about a lot of games, including all newer Blizzard titles.

      I know what the vast, vast majority of reviewers will say; I could probably write a typical review right now, despite having never played the game. Blizzard’s goals are clear, and they’ll definitely achieve them. I just wish they had different goals.

  19. Maykael says:

    Live blog a Co-Op playthrough!! You must!!! Please!!

    • ostermei says:

      Jim: “I clicked a monster. I clicked it again. I clicked it again. I clicked it again. It died. I clicked the loot.”
      John: “I, too, am clicking a monster repeatedly. Now I, too, am clicking loot.”

      Repeat as needed.

    • Reefpirate says:

      That’s the thing when you have a mouse for an input device… You end up clicking on things.

      Counter-strike: “Ooh, I clicked on a bad guy. I clicked on another one. Now I’m trying to click on another one, but he’s moving.”

      Rome: Total War: “I clicked on my army… I then clicked on an enemy army. I then clicked on one of my armies again. Then clicked on an enemy army.”

      Basically, by describing Diablo that way is missing out on a lot of the depth of the game, ie. skill trees, various items and item combinations, tactics, timing, etc. I’m not that excited about Diablo at all, but let’s be fair if we’re going to criticize it.

    • ostermei says:

      As if anyone actual gives a crap about Diablo’s story, skills, etc, etc.

      It’s all about the clicky lootfest, and anyone who tells you different is a damn dirty lying liar.

      (Oh, and the obligatory mention that there are surely better less-DRM-y clicky lootfests out there/on the horizon.)

  20. Vivi says:

    I opted into the real money auction house beta and just bought a key.

  21. skinlo says:


  22. sueyed says:

    I hope your crops fail.

  23. ninjapirate says:

    They gloat because they can.

  24. Thomas says:

    Jim: We are so cool.

    No, if you were cool you would already have downloaded it like everyone else have for the last few weeks.

    • Auspex says:

      Not cool, man.

    • westyfield says:

      Damn, that’s cold.

    • Lemming says:

      WRONG. Cool people always arrive late to the party. FACT.

    • Demiath says:

      Downloading the beta files “illegally” does not somehow magically give anyone access to the beta. It’s all about being ready for the day when Blizzard, in their divine wisdom, decides that it is Time for You to Receive a Key. It’s like buying condoms because, well, you never know…

  25. dadioflex says:

    I thought we all hated Diablo 3 now and were waiting to get into the Path of Exile Beta. So difficult to keep up.

  26. por3 says:


  27. Ertard says:

    I’m cool as well!

    *cool high five*

  28. wcaypahwat says:

    Remember lads, second place is just the first loser.


  29. Caddrel says:

    Are these press invites, or the EU closed beta?

    • Ertard says:

      Press, but I don’t know for sure. See, I used to be press, and used my account then as well, so I doubt it’s just a random lucky thing. It’s the US Closed beta, or so my invite said anyway.

    • DarkNoghri says:

      According to ArsTechnica, this is a normal beta, but press are getting invitations in the first wave of invites.

  30. fenriz says:

    eeeer does it have, like, puzzles or something about interacting with the ambient?

    sorry for asking stuff about the actual game, didn’t mean to interrupt your envious ladies’ knitting club.

    • mwoody says:

      To get this thread back on topic…

      Do you prefer a cross stitch or needlepoint?

  31. Craorach says:

    I hate you guys…

    .. actually, I’m not sure I’d even want to be in the beta… from what I’ve seen it’s basically just a demo, I don’t know what they think they are gonna test.

  32. bglamb says:

    Reply fail

  33. Chris D says:

    So, just to clarify, do we no longer care about the must always be online thing because actually it turns out it’s no big deal or because “Shut up! We’re playing Diablo 3 here.”?

    • karry says:

      Eh, you just know there will be a first week offline hack.

    • mwoody says:

      My reaction to Diablo 3 is roughly how I’d react if I found out they were releasing a pill to live forever… Then announced that it would be in suppository form.

      I.e.: I’m still gonna get it, but I won’t pretend parts of it aren’t a pain in the ass.

    • Dozer says:

      Some people enjoy that kind of thing.

    • Wulf says:

      I still hate that Blizzard treats foreign people like scum, which means that anyone with a non-trivial amount of friends from the world over likely won’t be having any fun with this at all.

      To me? Still a big deal.

      Not excited. Waiting for Torchlight II. Which is obviously going to be better. (Artistically speaking it’s already looking better. :P)

    • Azradesh says:

      They’ve already got a basic server emulator up and running for the beta. At the moment all you can do is run around town though.

    • FataMorganaPseudonym says:

      What if it were a pill to live forever, but the only way it would work is that it first had to be soaked in vomit, urine, and feces, and that you had to be taking it constantly, you know, like always, and that if your supply ever faltered even for a bit, you’d be screwed? Would you still take it then? Because that’s a somewhat more apt metaphor for the always online requirement than merely having it shoved up your ass.

    • Saxocat says:

      That is possibly the least apt metaphor I’ve seen in a long while, FataMorgana. You seem to be overly stressed about this Diablo 3 business.

    • pipman3000 says:

      What if like you could eat vomit, urine, and feces to live forever but first you had to smear it all over some pill :D

  34. Berious says:

    Damn you, damn you to heck!

  35. Wulf says:

    Yes, but are you totally playing it?

  36. Isometric says:

    Why the H didn’t I get a beta key. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME BLIZZARRRRRD. Hehe nah, well done chaps. I hope youse enjoy it.

  37. frenz0rz says:


  38. Grot_Punter says:

    If this was Border-Tribes, then I’d care.

    Since it isn’t, I don’t.

    This may also be due the fact that I can be included amongst those heathen bastards who never liked the first two. This is something I do not apologize for. So there.

    *Begins dancing for no reason other than to appease his own fragile ego*

  39. Stormbane says:

    What happened to all the online-only, real money hate? HUH?!

    • johnpeat says:

      I’m sure they’ll keep cultivating that as it’s the only thing which gets any serious level of reading around here :)

  40. ChrisN says:

    Dear Jim and John,

    I hate you.

    Loves and kisses,

  41. FataMorganaPseudonym says:

    Here’s to hoping that you beta guys have an abysmally horrible time dealing with the always online crap, such that Blizzard will realize what a turgid turd it is and thus remove it before the retail version is released.

  42. Raziel_Alex says:

    /don’t care
    Boring hacknslash.

  43. Zarunil says:

    I urge you to spend a month’s salary on the in-game store, then post a Wot I Think.

  44. freeid says:

    < green with envy

  45. Jim9137 says:

    And here I was hoping Diableta would be a parody of Diablo where you commandeer skimpily clad succubus through seemingly impossible tasks of showing injustice to the forces of good.

  46. Arnulf says:

    I hate you both.