Oh Dear No: Magic The Gathering Rap

This is the whitest thing I've ever seen.

You know what I like to see first thing in the morning? It’s Spelunky creator, Derek Yu, topless. Mmmmm-mmmmmmmm. Plants Vs Zombies songstress Laura Shigihara gets in touch to say she’s put up an extremely silly video, featuring Shigihara, Andy “Spelunky XBLA” Hull, George “Plants Vs. Zombies designer” Fan, Paul “Sword Of Legends” Hubans, Tommy “Super Meat Boy co-creator” Refenes, and the exposed nipples of Mr Yu. Sorry, what is it? It’s a rap about Magic: The Gathering, of course. And they’re calling themselves, Funktrollers.

My Is-This-Cute-Or-Is-This-Awful-o-meter just has the needle spinning in confused circles. (Also, they might want to spend some of that indie gaming money on an HD camera):

Well, now all we can do is wait for the album.


  1. Anthile says:

    What did I just watch? More coffee for me.

    • nofing says:

      Nah, coffee won’t help with this. I’m going back to bed.

    • TWilliams says:

      I don’t know about you, but that was the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. I spit out my coffee when she said she was gonna pick me up and throw me across the room like Brion. Thumbs up.

    • Amanda says:

      Funny, awesome, and great lyrics. I’ve watched this 3 times now and it’s made me laugh out loud every single time.

  2. Tuco says:

    I’m going with awful.

    • jokomul says:

      I’m going with fake. Girls don’t play this game, let alone rap about it.

      It did bring back some nostalgia from my 12-year-old MTG days though… it was kinda fun…

    • Mr_Initials says:

      Still awful but I con protest that girls do play this game. Very rare few.

    • GrandmaFunk says:

      Laura Shigihara composes videogame music and has blogged about her experiences playing magic a few times over the years so claims of this being fake are silly.

    • TWilliams says:

      It’s not fake, Miss Shigihara blogs about MTG a lot, and she plays MODO (I’ve played against her before).

      Video was fucking hilarious.

    • AliceK says:

      Laura is a professional video game composer, her youtube channel is filled with piano versions of video game music, and she has blogged before about Magic (detailed accounts of games she played, as well as tournaments she’s gone to). You’re right that there are not many of us who play Magic, but we do exist, and Shigihara is one of them!

      Also, loved this video, put a big smile on my face.

    • Amanda says:

      As a small black female who is into things like video games, manga, and MTG, I’ve heard my fair share of “girls don’t play Magic” and “there are no black nerds.” Trust me, we exist. I understand that it’s uncommon to see these sorts of things, but I hate it when people make such broad generalizations in the face of the obvious. Laura Shigihara is the composer for Plants vs. Zombies, she makes video game music for a living… why is it so hard to believe that someone like that would play Magic? It’s not like she hasn’t written about it on her blog. She posted a video wearing a plasma cannon arm from Megaman. I think it’s pretty obvious she genuinely has nerdy interests.

      And for the record, that video was awesome, and I think they did a great job rapping. Whoever made the comment about her friend Andy sounding like Warren G… SPOT ON!

  3. Teddy Leach says:

    He looks constipated. He REALLY needs a poo.

  4. Vexing Vision says:

    Awful. Definitely awful.

    • AliceK says:

      But that’s why it was so good :P

    • Amanda says:

      That’s sort of the point… And that’s the whole reason this video is so funny XD I’m surprised there are actually some people here who don’t seem to understand that this video isn’t meant to be taken seriously, it’s a joke and they did a good job highlighting some of the more ridiculous aspects of hip hop culture.

  5. lunarplasma says:

    This would have been unacceptable in the 90’s.

    • hello_mr.Trout says:

      – or any other period of time!

    • TWilliams says:

      …says “lunarplasma,” a poster on an internet gaming site.

      This video was fucking hilarious (coming from an MTG player, and a long time hip hop listener).

  6. Rinox says:

    Laura Shigihara is still the cutest thing ever.

  7. NecroKnight says:

    WTF were they thinking!?

    • Squishpoke says:

      Obviously a meddling blue mage tampered with their memories.

    • Keymonk says:

      Why did noone counter this? :(

    • AliceK says:

      I don’t know, but I’m glad they did it. This was so funny and awesome.

    • Amanda says:

      Probably that it’s funny to see something like Magic jokingly coupled with some of the more outrageous aspects of rap culture. And… they were right, it is funny :)

    • theleif says:

      Because they played it as a land card.

  8. Daniel Rivas says:

    Reminded me that I need to watch Gucci Gucci another million times.

    • TWilliams says:

      Uhh, no. These guys don’t take themselves seriously, they’re just joking around, and it’s pretty damn funny. But even then, they’re actually good. The dude sounds like Warren G, and Miss Shigihara sounds like BTH with her cute speed rapping. Plus, they both legit into Magic, which makes it all the better.

  9. mllory says:

    There’s at least one trend I’d like to see set by this video. The use of the ‘nipples’ tag.

  10. BAshment says:


  11. Tom OBedlam says:

    What the sweet fuck?

  12. DeathGOD1235 says:

    wtf is this i don’t even

  13. Lobotomist says:

    The asian guy with swords is Derek Yu – Quite a name in indie game circles (Spelunky)

    And the girl. I actually quite dig the rapping :)

    Thumbs up :D

  14. Samuraibadger says:

    I don’t know what is more terrifying the terribleness of it or the fact that some commenters on the youtube channel actually think it is good. Mostly because they fancy the woman in the video, the Internet is a terrifying place to bare.

    • Brandon says:

      Also, to the few commenters here who seem to be taking this seriously: Um, it’s SUPPOSED to be awful, that’s the whole point… it’s a rap about Magic the Gathering. That’s why it’s so hilarious. They’re obviously not taking themselves seriously.

      (Well that, and seeing the cute PvZ girl wear thug clothes and talk about how she’s gonna punch someone in the face… And seeing the Super Meat Boy guy’s Tesla… and Derek Yu dancing without a shirt)

    • TWilliams says:

      It’s called having a sense of humor, man. The video is really funny, if you realize that they’re joking around. I can’t believe anyone would actually think they’re being serious… or be so humorless as to not be able to laugh over some of the silly things they’re doing.

    • Samuraibadger says:

      I’ve got a sense of humour but some things are just too shite to laugh at this being one.

    • TWilliams says:

      Nope, it’s funny. I’m guessing you probably didn’t get the references (either in MTG or in rap), you didn’t realize it was a joke (i.e. you have no sense of humor), or you’re just sore that they ate a Shadowmage Infiltrator card in the making of the video :)

  15. brulleks says:

    The fact that it’s a rap already has my own version of that needle firmly wedged up against ‘Thisisawfulawfulawful’.

    • Skabooga says:

      If you’re having genre problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a classification ain’t one.

    • BeamSplashX says:

      The last person I heard the “rap isn’t music” sentiment from was one of those guys that thinks metal is the ONLY real music left.

      What a goof.

  16. Brandon says:

    That was nerdy-cute-awesomeness taken to the next level. Thank-you for giving me a good laugh so early in the morning.

    Laura Shigihara is adorable even when dressed as a thug and rapping about equipping an Obsidian Battle Axe. And even though they aren’t taking themselves seriously at all, they actually rap pretty well.

  17. TWilliams says:

    Awesome. Holy crap, lil’ laura can rap! Her friend’s good, too. If I close my eyes, the dude actually sounds like Warren G.

    Also, did the PvZ designer really just crumple up a Shadowmage Infiltrator and eat it? Badass.

  18. Johnny Go-Time says:

    The title of the post echoes me exactly…Oh dear, no.
    …it can’t be unseen…