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Oh My Goodness, It's Offroad Parking

FUCKING HELL!

If you know me, you’ll know I’m an adrenalin junkie. I can’t just sit still at a desk all day. I have to get up, leave the house, and do something death-defying, something all-out crazy. Like parallel park. But now perhaps I can combine both sitting at a desk and the raw octane thrill of neatly putting a car into an empty parking space, via Offroad Parking. A game I am absolutely delighted to report, is only but one of a series of parking games from Car Titans.

All too often car driving games are about the racing, high speeds, and spectacular crashes, forgetting about the crucial importance of neatly stopping. But thank goodness for Car Titans, who so adequately fill the niche that the rest are, frankly, too scared to even try to achieve.

Even their own PR department is too scared to admit what they’re really doing here, pretending it’s about crashing and bashing, when it’s no such thing.

“Drive a Porsche Cayenne with huge wheels over some other cars and then park your monster truck like a boss! Offroad Parking is the latest online parking game from CarTitans.com and it has 6 levels.”

You can, thank goodness, do no such thing with your monster truck. Even if you were to tap another car with the delicacy of a fairy’s wing, it’ll knock a good 10% off your car’s health. There’s certainly no driving over anything. Because that would be absolutely improper. No no no, here you must evade every vehicle, fence, cardboard box and wisp of dust if you’re to safely reach the large P-marked box.

With six levels, it’ll last you around five minutes, which is the perfect length as any longer would have you slamming screwdrivers into your ears to get away from the incessantly looping guitar riff.

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John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founding robots of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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