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Skyrim: Say, Have You Met Lydia?

Featured post But no tattoos, as far as I can tell.

Ah, this meeting brings back memories. Childhood days, alto wine, romance! My life was wrapped around the quests. Her name was Lydia. I met her at the Stormreach Castle in 4E 201, marked down from 4E 241.

Ahhhh, Lydia. She was the most glooooorious creature under the suns. Marie, Ajira, Akorithi. Rolled into one.

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia
Now have you met Lydia?
Lydia the uuuuuuuseless companion

She has eyes that folks adore so
And a breastplate even more so

Lydia, oh Lydia, as much use as chlamydia
Oh Lydia the queen of to-dos
In a doorway she’ll stand, if given the chance
Blocking access to chests is her foremost romance
Her ultimate goal is to block your advance
You can’t go anywhere with Lydia

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

When her bow is unfurled, she’ll fire arrows at the world
But targets need not bother her
She’ll miss rats in Ivarstead, spiders, the undead
And not trouble the wolves of High Hrothgar

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say have you met Lydia?
Oh Lydia the uuuuuuuseless companion
When you go into a basement
At the entrance she’ll make her encampment

Lydia, oh Lydia, get lost in Kolskeggr
Oh Lydia the queen of to-dos
To both combat and tact you only bring shame
With every yawn you emit, my ire I proclaim
Yet whenever you die I load my savegame
You can’t go anywhere with Lydia

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

With profuse apologies to Groucho Marx and Yip Harburg.

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John Walker


Once one of the original co-founders of Rock Paper Shotgun, they killed me out of jealousy. I now run

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