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BAFTA Publicly Praises Size Five's Privates

"Thank you for honouring my game about diseased genitals"

If your only exposure to Size Five’s size five Privates is through this esteemed periodical, you may believe that it is little more more than a flimsy excuse for us to make jokes about willies. Not true. Last night, at the British Academy Children’s Awards, Privates won in the ‘Learning – Secondary’ category. This involved beating off competition from the likes of erstwhile Naked Chef and Turkey Twizzler basher Jamie Oliver. You can see footage of Dan Marshall’s acceptance speech and a brief interview by selecting the category on the right here.

I must admit that I’ve never actually played with the little fellows and neither has the chap talking to Dan if I’m any judge of these things. He does recognise edginess when he sees it though, so that’s good. Congratulations to the Size Five folks on the win, which gives me an idea for a pitch of my own. If setting games inside orifices helps to educate kids, how about a barely interactive, text-based Waiting For Godot game so self-referential that it takes place entirely up its own backside.

I believe the Academy knows where to find me.

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Adam Smith

former Deputy Editor

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