Damsel Makes Distress: Hyper Princess Pitch

The best Goddess

Stop it! I don’t care what it is you’re doing, just stop for a minute and do this instead. Download Hyper Princess Pitch, a game where an angry princess vows to destroy a friendly robotic Santa and all his helpers because she didn’t receive enough gifts as a child. I think she still is a child. I don’t know – the backstory seemed vague and altogether less important than shooting giant toy-bearing sleighs down in flames. Princess Pitch is a feisty so-and-so, running through Santa’s grotto as if it were the set of Smash TV. Accompanied by her cat that appears to have a jetpack for a bottom, she merrily piledrives trains into the ground and blasts hundreds of robotic Daddy Crimbles into bits. Free, festive and fantastic. Trailer below.

A ‘remake’ of Operaton: Carnage, this was an unexpected delight, with its jaunty music and old-fashioned yet beautifully detailed graphics. Although there are only a few levels, the intensity of the higher difficulty settings is reason enough to return at least a few times. We’ve covered Daniel’s work before and I’d advise checking out some of the earlier stuff as well.

In short, it is brilliant and you should be playing it right now. If you don’t enjoy it you’ll probably be visited by ghosts this Christmas because you are clearly none other than Ebeneezer Scrooge.

Stop maltreating your kind-hearted employee and hating crutch-laden poverty-stricken children because your troubled and unconfident youth has caused you to spend the remainder of your life feeling unloved, driving you to lavish all your affection on money simply because it is the one thing that you have found yourself able to keep close in a world that you fear will never return the passion that burns deep inside you still.

You monster.


  1. Dominic White says:

    Amazing game, and while it’s short, it’s also designed to be replayed a whole bunch of times, with alternate endings, a secret level, and bosses even get a whole final phase on the highest difficulty setting.

  2. caddyB says:

    I was about to say that it looked like Iji. Then I saw Daniel’s base.
    What a lovely treat!

    Also totally calling my girlfriend princess pitch from now on.

  3. Kieron Gillen says:

    I liked this a lot.


  4. Meat Circus says:

    I don’t want to ruin Christmas. But I do want my mum to be the Goddess of Explosions.


    • Dominic White says:

      Her mum is the goddess of explosions.

      Her dad?

      He mines bears.

  5. Drake Sigar says:

    Any reason why she sounds like a South Park Christmas Critter?

  6. DevinH says:

    I beat it twice yesterday, and will probably play through it several more times this month. I really need to master the counter/Princess Buster to do well on the higher difficulties.

  7. RyuRanX says:

    I enjoyed Iji and Herocore a lot. Downloading this one right now!

  8. Lobotomist says:

    Can the game be more awesome ?

  9. Juan Carlo says:

    It would have been way better if her reason for wanting to kill Santa was that she didn’t get the Ch-Cha heels that she wanted (warning, some NSFW language):

    Nice Girls Don’t Wear Cha-Cha Heels!

  10. Cooper says:


    Play Iji!

    It’s one of his older games, and is an amazingly good metroidvania thingy.

    • Dominic White says:

      It’s more like System Shock 2 in 2D. Which is also great.

    • Wilson says:

      Oh, it’s the same guy who made Iji? That was indeed an awesome game. I should play it again, actually, and I’ll have to check this one out too.

    • Ralphomon says:

      Iji is amazing! I should play it again! Get that pacifist run complete!

      But this had me giggling away, so I will deffo be downloading it when I manage to get home.

  11. rustybroomhandle says:

    There’s something very Axe Cop about this.

    • JusticePS says:

      I was wondering why Pitch vs Santa seemed so familiar! I’ve had that on VHS for, I dunno, over 20 years?

  12. fuggles says:

    Wow, that was amazing! Anyone have any like finding Mum and understanding what the true ending hint in protips is about?

    I don’t have time right now to play more, alas, alack!

    • Dominic White says:

      When fighting the third boss, suplex the giant rainbow laser (up down left right, or up down right left) to open up an alternate exit. No boss on the bonus level, but there’s still plenty to shoot in there.

  13. terry says:

    I’m having a lot of fun with this. It’s like I wanted the home versions of Smash TV to be.

  14. Oozo says:

    This will get a special place in my personal pantheon of “Games Waiting to Be Played Around Christmas”, right up there with “Garden Gnome Carnage”.

    (And both were made in Game Maker. Should get back to tinkering with it, dammit.)

    PS The only thing that keeps it from being even sweeter is the fact that I seemingly can’t switch shooting directions without centering the stick in between directions changes. So you can’t go from “upper right” to “upper left” seamlessly. Is this a problem tied to my pad or is it a design thing? …makes shooting a little bit awkward, compared to other twin-stick shooters.

    • Premium User Badge

      FhnuZoag says:

      Oozo, that behaviour is by design. According to Remar, the game would be too easy if you could just circle strafe the enemies. As it is, you need to find breathing room to change your firing direction.