Hitman: Absolution, When Subtitles Attack

Giant face looms from shadows, leaves bodies in its wake

The VGAs coughed up a new trailer for Hitman: Absolution, which is crammed with sneaking, stealthery and silence. Except for all the parts with windows exploding in slow motion and The Bald One murdering almost every single person in his path, which just happens to take him through a hospital ward. Those parts are quite noisy. There’s also a crying nun. She is crying because of the constant gunfire and images of men being shot through the abdomen at point blank range. Do you want to see such things? They are below.

The Original Assassin, eh? I’m guessing it’s not John Wilkes Booth they’re trying to knock off his perch with that particular phrase.

It’s a strange oversight that the music sounds, to my ears, like blood-pumping stuff rather than the sort of morose finger-picking that a blood-soaked kill-video demands. How else would I know that the man-shooting is terribly sad and worthy? Somebody should remedy that. Just remember to mute the Hitman side of things. And then share any infinitely better examples that you concoct.


  1. danimalkingdom says:

    You know what? If they screw this up, I’m pretty sure I could play Hitman 2 for the rest of my life and not get bored

    • jezcentral says:

      Same here, but with Blood Money. If they had released an SDK for that game, I would be designing mssions, still be playing it, and I wouldn’t have spend all that money on Steam sales since then.

    • outoffeelinsobad says:

      I concur. The first level is kind of a slog though.

  2. coldvvvave says:

    I’m not sure if I’m supposed to say it since I’m not very interested in Hitman franchise, but did they actually remodeled their protagonist to look more like Timothy Olifant?

    • danimalkingdom says:

      Now that you mention it, yes it looks like they have. I had a go at watching that film, but I have to admit I didn’t get past the first twenty minutes or so. The best bit was a shot of a row of houses in ‘London England’, that were clearly wooden slat houses from the United States.

    • Reiver says:

      For me the biggest facepalm bit was the scene of the kids escaping from a facility. The deja vu from that was so strong that I knew i had to have seen that before (and not in the trailer). I ended up spending the whole film trying to place where i’d seen it rather than paying attention. Turned out it was a wholesale lift from Dark Angel (Jessica Alba TV show). I’d heard of them using stock footage for establishing shots but to literally just reuse an entire sequence from another bit of work seemed unbelievably cheap.

    • jezcentral says:

      This Agent 47 doesn’t look anything like Mr Olyphaunt, who is a babyface. This still looks to me more like David Bateson.

    • Apples says:

      I really liked that film. Watched it after playing through a bit of Blood Money and seeing that it only had 14% on Rotten Tomatoes (I like to see bad films). I know it was absolutely nothing like the games, but I found the relationship between 47 and whats-her-face to be genuinely interesting, and the action didn’t make me completely fall asleep like most action films. The part where they all dropped their guns, pulled out swords and had a swordfight made me laugh so much.

      (…and Mr Olyphant looked quite good in it)

  3. Timberfox says:

    Just to note for anyone not personally familiar with the series; most levels can be played without mindlessly killing everyone.

    • Ephaelon says:

      But when you first run across an M60 and pick it up, it’s damn hard to put it down without at least taking it for a test drive. (save&load style)

  4. Squirrelfanatic says:

    This might be a possible candidate for the ‘Staring Eyes’ tag.

  5. TheMoo says:

    I haven’t watched the trailer yet, and my sound is muted. However this is obviously the best choice:
    link to tubedubber.com

  6. Roshin says:

    So, the plot twist this time is that the Hitman is actually a T800.

  7. Vandelay says:

    The nun is crying because she was a big Blood Money fan.

  8. Radiant says:

    0.40 seconds in I’m pretty sure 47 dresses to the left?

  9. Spinoza says:

    Wow. Its got everything I truly love . Sex , Violence and Bald Man. Instant purchase.

  10. gropingmantis says:

    Nice to see they totally ripped off Equilibrium at the end there.

    I hope you don’t have to kill everyone in the final game and they are just using that as a lure to get more people to buy the game.

    • Shockpaddles says:

      i was thinking the exact same thing, as all trailers up until present seem to be shooting men in the face focused rather than stealthing and only taking out the target… but i suppose that would make a boring trailer to the people who dont know what the hitman games are about :/ ..its not inspiring me with a lot of confidence though

    • Outright Villainy says:

      Well I saw a video interview with a developer recently where he stated that all the levels could be completed without killing anyone except your target, since that was a key part of the franchise. It was almost like he was talking sense, which I wasn’t expecting from them with the whole instinct thing and checkpointing. If you can still play as a stealthy bastard I’ll be happy anyway.

      Ah, found it: link to youtube.com

    • jezcentral says:


      And Silence of the Lambs.

      @Outright Villainy

      Oh thank you, thank you. That was the crumb of comfort I’ve been looking for. I still want to see him dressed in a suitably stupid costume, though. I’m thinking Glam Rocker with big platform boots, and a spinning bowtie.

  11. Quizboy says:

    That nun clearly still isn’t over Stalker 2 being cancelled.

    I know that feel, sister :(

  12. KingKrapp says:

    I cannot make tubedubber work for me, but if I’m right, what this video needs is not appropriate subtlety. It needs this link to youtube.com

  13. Zarunil says:

    But… this is nothing like The Original Hitman. Except for the parts where I saved, went on a killing spree, and and loaded the game again.

    I guess the sneaky bits don’t make a good trailer?

    • Balobam says:

      I dunno man, watching someone hide in an elevator shaft for about 7 minutes waiting for the damned German to enter the casino was pretty exhilarating stuff.

      Something I hope they’ve included in this game is no more overly violent, psychic police.

      “Hey, that deliveryman walked through the gate!”

      “Should we escort him o-*BANG*- WHY’D YOU DO THAT!?”

      “He won’t be doing that again, the ruthless bastard.”

  14. MarineMarauder says:

    Hitman had a unique core and I dont think that theyll change that because the old Hitman series didnt have much competition as it was unique(even in stealth action genre) , turning this series into a shooter and competing against the likes of Max Payne and CoD will spell disaster for the series.

    • Askeladd says:

      There is piano wire in CoD?! I gotta go buy it!

    • Tyrone Slothrop. says:

      …turning this series into a shooter and competing against the likes of Max Payne and CoD will spell disaster for the series.

      Well, thank fuck they’re not remotely close to doing that then. It does seem that any modicum of perceived increased ‘action’ into a stealth game elicits some fucking hyerpbole about how the game is now CoD. Firstly, there’s not merely X and CoD, there’s an incredible variety of games between said game and that. Secondly, stop it.

  15. Suits says:

    Order your slo-mo glass now

  16. JagRoss says:

    Is that Diana?

  17. BobsLawnService says:

    The games industry has adopted the style of the film industry. It’s official.

  18. Lucky Main Street says:

    He looks like Richard Moll from Night Court.

    link to 3.bp.blogspot.com

  19. Bubbley says:

    There has to be a reason why 47 is killing everything hostile. Maybe he’s in a blind rage, although I’d be more interested to see him silently killing a few people while getting to whatever pissed him off.

  20. Calam1tous says:

    It’s difficult to say whether Eidos is just marketing to mainstream gamers with these trailers or if the game is actually like this. We won’t find out until we see more gameplay I suppose.