Rockstar Threatens Max Payne 3 “Barrage”

The real caption for this one was 'Max waits for the perfect moment to take down a member of the Cracha Preto'. Amaze.

Can digital information really constitute a barrage? I don’t know, but I’m scared. Barrages sound nasty to me, but Rockstar have pledged to send a barrage of Max Payne 3 info at us over “the coming weeks and months.” I’ve looked at the first missive from their asset-cannon, and it’s only some screenshots rather than gunshot or a disease-riddled corpse, so I think we’re safe for now. They’ve also included some captions on these screenshots, which I shall quote verbatim* below.

Max seeks vengeance on the man who sold him a pair of exploding trousers.

Tired of slowly having to collect better guns throughout the game for a third time, Max shortcuts by bolting the sun itself to the end of his pistol.

“No, not this time,” thought Max. “I’ve killed 318,924 men in my life. I just don’t think I can shoot another one, even if he is lurking creepily in the shadows in exactly the way a natural born killer would. I’ll just hide here instead, and complete my emasculation by shooting my own cock off with this assault rifle.”

*May not be entirely verbatim.


  1. Bhazor says:

    Weaponised Celestia? You’re doomed.

  2. Faldrath says:

    “Crachá Preto” is Portuguese for “Black Nametag”. Fear those terrifying villains!

    • Vayl says:

      I would go more with a “black badge” translation, still silly but less silly :p

    • ZIGS says:

      “black badge” is indeed correct. Trust me, I’m Portuguese

    • lurkalisk says:

      Oh, much better. I’m simply terrified of people who do need stinking badges.

    • Echo Black says:

      In Brazilian Portuguese:

      Distintivo = Badge
      Crachá = Name tag

      Even though it sounds terrible and was probably not their intention, “Black Name Tag” is the most correct literal translation.

    • Vayl says:

      Well i’m from Portugal, and going to the dictionary,

      Crachá: Insígnia honorífica que se traz ao peito.

      Literally a badge. It can be tranlate has nametag, but badge is much better fit. I look forward to the horrible translations on this game, something most english speaking don’t know is that stuff that sounds good and cool in english ends up sounding horrid when translated to Portuguese and making very little sense.

      Will be fun!

    • Echo Black says:

      “Well i’m from Portugal, and going to the dictionary “

      And I’m from Brazil – “Crachá” is never used as “badge” over here, or at least I’ve never heard it (Though I live in the south, and have only been to SP for three weeks). I doubt anyone anywhere in this country calls a badge “crachá”, Rockstar simply messed up their “research”.

      distintivo (dis-tin-ti-vo)


      Que distingue, que mostra diferença, que assinala cada indivíduo ou objeto.

      S.m. Sinal caraterístico; insígnia, emblema, escudo.

    • Vayl says:

      Is no matter from where you are from or what you are used to hearing (or from where i’m from and what i’m used to hearing), crachá can and is corrected translated to English has Badge, and is much more likely they wanted to call a gang Black Badge then Black Nametag, just because the first translation that comes to your head based on use is Nametag it does not mean is the only or the most correct translation.

    • Ultra Superior says:


  3. Snargelfargen says:

    I played through the original Max Payne recently, and parts of it have actually held up pretty well. The comic book interludes were incredibly cheesy but they did a good job of contributing to the film noir atmosphere. The psychedelic dream sequence, and especially the blood maze still look amazing from a design standpoint.

    I hope the new game makes some similiarly interesting stylistic choices. It would be a shame to have Max Payne blend in with the more generic shooters when it’s inspirations (John Woo, film noir and comic books) can offer so much.

    • nyarlathotep-88 says:

      I agree. First game is still fantastic. Really enjoyed the gun play and the way the story was told. Better than the 2nd game imo.

  4. Khemm says:

    I want to be optimistic about this game, but two things bother me: Sao Paulo of all places as a setting and almost certain Steam DRM tossed in.

    • nyarlathotep-88 says:

      I am with you on this. Would be great if we could go back to the days where we just had to click the .exe to run a game and not have to worry about being online or having the game validated.

    • Snargelfargen says:

      Sao Paulo isn’t necessarily a bad idea. A film-noir setting can take place just about anywhere if done right. All it needs is the archetype of The City. Hard Boiled is a great example of this as it takes place in Hong Kong: link to

      I’m just baffled that they chose the capital, Sao Paulo, which is uptight and boring compared to Rio De Janeiro. I mean it’s actually called the City of God and is full of slums and barrios, not to mention the small scale war/relocation project in preparation for the World Cup.

    • Buemba says:

      Eh, I’m glad whenever a developer chooses to set a game outside of the holy trinity of “New York, Middle Earth and the set of Aliens”.

      Plus they mentioned the movie Elite Troop is an inspiration (Despite the fact that is set in Rio de Janeiro), so that could be interesting.

  5. westyfield says:

    Max Payne in Bar-Rage Incident!

    The elderly Maximilian P. Payne, 56, was ejected from a popular bar yesterday evening, after what the only surviving witness described as “a massacre.”

  6. nyarlathotep-88 says:

    Really liked the last caption “I’ll just hide here instead, and complete my emasculation by shooting my own cock off with this assault rifle.”

    Made me laugh lol.

  7. Orija says:

    Not surprised it looks the same as the ME 3 screenshots (apart from the art-style of course). What purpose do screenshots serve anyway?

  8. Ross Angus says:

    Inspired by the use of “barrage”, I’ve looked it up, and definitions 3 and 4 are worrying:

    Civil Engineering . an artificial obstruction in a watercourse to increase the depth of the water, facilitate irrigation, etc.

    Mycology . an aversion response of sexually incompatible fungus cultures that are growing in proximity, revealed by a persistent growth gap between them.

    Please don’t make it definition 4.

    • Jezebeau says:

      No no. Let it be definition 4. Let Rockstar wander off due to sexual incompatibility. Sounds better than attempting to fill my RSS with a pile of meaningless screenshots.

  9. Skabooga says:

    Doing a little investigative journalism of my own on the Rockstar website, I find that those aren’t the original captions for these screenshots. I am disappointed. In Rockstar.

    • Raiyan 1.0 says:

      Thank you for your honest bit of investigative journalism. Though I’m sure John Walker would’ve put up an article very soon anyway to reveal Meer’s treachery.

  10. xeon06 says:

    Would rather have more info on GTAV.

  11. jezcentral says:

    That first screenshot is more evidence that we need a Standing-not-looking-at-explosions-simulator tag.

  12. Lambchops says:

    I miss the marketing campaign for the first game which instead of an intense drawn out barrage (which osunds horribly yawn worthy) went for a precision strike very near release going “look we made this, isn’t it fucking cool” to which all right thinking people went yes, yes it is the very next month.

  13. Auspex says:

    I vote that any posts that a certain Mr Gillen writes in the future have the ‘baldy head’ tag.

  14. jezcentral says:

    I’m calling foul on misuse of the “Staring eyes” tag.