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Minecraft Is In Dire Straits

Going to hell in a handcart, you mark my words

Mojang’s block-building and survival game is somehow making do with a mere twenty million users, they revealed recently. (20,127,16. No, wait, 20,127,17. I mean 20,127,18. I mean 20,127,19. Oh, you get the picture). 20 million? Pathetic. Chump change. I don’t know how they manage to stay afloat – I mean, all those Facebook game companies talk about having 180 million users or something like that, so that’s what Mojang should be aiming for. And yes, I’m completely sure those Facebook figures don’t actually mean “people who installed the game to their account, looked once then never came back because it was so boring” or “people who load it once a month because they clicked on the icon by mistake” or “people who played for about a week, until they realised it was a basically a scam that wanted them to to spend real money just to keep playing for longer than 17 seconds.” Yessir, those 180 million GenericVille users are real, daily, paying users, each and every one.
Speaking of which, just 4.7 million of those Minecraft users have paid up for the full version of the game (as opposed to the free Classic version), which is basically nothing. That’s only enough for Notch to afford about eighty new hats a day, which is more or less the same as being unable to to afford any hats at all.

So, I’m calling it: Mojang will go bust and close within the week. It was fun while it lasted, eh?

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Alec Meer

Senior Editor

Co-founder of RPS. Dungeon Keeper & X-COM 4 Life.

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