Coffee For Those Games You Like So Much

See, like the games you like.

Hello person who is a gamer! As a gamer, you’re different from ordinary people, and have specific needs and desires. As a gamer myself, I know this too, so I understand the nuances of what makes a gamer such a very special person. And so it is that I’ve developed a new special blend of water especially designed for gamers like you. Freshly bottled from the taps in my kitchen, Gamzerz Wa73R is guaranteed* to have been sat in front of a game of Quake II for at least an hour before being sent out to you. Only £39.99 a bottle!

Also, there’s now coffee for gamers, from Cornish gaming cafe, Loading.

Yes, I’m a vile cynic. And I’m also somewhat put off by their front page suggestion that LA Noire is an example of high-brow gaming. But Loading do seem to have genuinely worked out a blend of coffee that’s popular with their customers, and are now selling it nationally via Firebox. And better, there’s 9p from each sale going to gaming charity Special Effect.

The “9-Bit Mega Coffee” as I’m cripplingly embarrassed to report they’ve called it, is a blend of nine different beans, and comes in a box with lots of Sega-lawyers-tempting retro logos. But at £15 for 250g, it had better be bloody brilliant coffee. It’s not quite Blue Mountain prices, but you’d be hard pressed (coffee joke!) to find more expensive beans in your local Whittards. (Also, wait, £15 for a half-pack of coffee, and nine pee goes to charity? Um, that could be somewhat improved.)

Well, I should taste it before casting aspersions, but I do find it a little knuckle-gnawing when something is specifically marketed at gamers despite near irrelevance. However, the cafe itself looks brilliant, and I’m now firing angry scowls all over Bath for not having anything similar.

*not guaranteed

51 Comments

  1. mondomau says:

    I think Tycho and Gabe wrapped up the only response to this back in 2008:
    link to penny-arcade.com

    That said, I would like very much to see more gaming type bars and cafes in the UK (London especially) – the Mana Bar in Sydney seems to do pretty well.

    • Robslap says:

      Are penny arcade being ironic by advertising gamer themed hats below this strip… ? ;)

    • diamondmx says:

      Gamer attire makes sense. Other people might (but probably do not) find that interesting, or at least a conversation point – and much of gamer attire looks cool, to the gamers who wear them, and other gamers.

      Last I checked, no part of my digestive tract had a sense of style. The only way this would have any effect whatsoever, is if it made me piss and or shit in bright 8-bit colours, with an animated mario hopping along the stream. That I would buy.

  2. sneetch says:

    Do you ship Gamzerz Wa73R to Ireland? What’s the Euro price? This is RockPaperShotgun not RockPoundSterling-un! I feel this is just what I need to up my game to l337 levels (or 13v31s) again!

    Edit: ooh a request deletion button! Fancy!

  3. KikiJiki says:

    One has to wonder who they thought the target demographic would be for this.

    I’m a coffee lover, but Monmouth is in town and I can get decent espresso for a much lower price than that.

    • Premium User Badge

      Hodge says:

      To pinch a line from Ben Goldacre, it’s like a voluntary tax on the stupid.

      The charity will probably do alright out of it though, as I can see a lot of people pointedly ignoring the coffee and donating the money to straight to them instead.

    • GinLogic says:

      I think its fairly harmless really, a nice gift for someone. It really is a high quality blend too if you know a bit about coffee and read the firebox list of beans/countries , this is better coffee than most coffee shops are using.

    • steviesteveo says:

      It really is a high quality blend too if you know a bit about coffee and read the firebox list of beans/countries

      Strictly speaking, that’s not really how you assess the quality of a coffee. Most countries grow widely varying qualities of produce, which doesn’t mean that it is all bad or all good but it does all come from that country.

    • GinLogic says:

      Stevie: You are of course, correct, it was an oversimplification. But i can tell you from experience that it is indeed a fine fine blend, better than anything ive tried in a large chain of coffee shops.

  4. Echo Black says:

    Cool beans – I wonder what Loading’s got brewing up next. The price is a bit of a mug, though.

  5. Thermal Ions says:

    Seems you’re off your game a bit there John, I was expecting to scroll down to something a bit more inventive than “*not guaranteed”. Something like

    * Exposure time to Quake II may be reduced in cases of increased product demand. Game substitution may occur at the discretion of the manufacturer. Alternate water sources (not limited to imported water, backyard puddles, grey water, etc) may be utilised where supply or production costs prohibit the use of local supply. Consumers are therefore encouraged to boil their Gamzerz Wa73R™ prior to consumption and/or maintain an available supply of Imodium.

    And where’s the claims of increasing your game performance?

  6. Gnoupi says:

    Moreover, the actual name. “Loading”.

    Seriously, you think you are going to appeal to a gamer by naming after the most boring and annoying moment he has during his gaming experience?

    • Echo Black says:

      At least they’re not called “Escort Mission”

    • sneetch says:

      “Unskippable Cut-Scene”

    • Lambchops says:

      “Health bar decimating unblockable (caffeine) attack.”

    • Elltot says:

      “QTE (Mash two buttons as fast as you can)”

    • KikiJiki says:

      Coffee of Duty: Modern Flaskware

    • The Godzilla Hunter says:

      “Crash” actually, that sounds like an actual energy drink.

    • GinLogic says:

      I don’t put much thought into the name of bars I visit, frankly, id drink at a bar called “the flaming ring piece” if it was a nice atmosphere and good drinks.

    • Teddy Leach says:

      “Sewer Level”

      “Ice Level”

      “Lava Level”

    • _PixelNinja says:

      It could have been worse; they could have named the brand “DLC”.

    • jhng says:

      I now want a cafe called “Quick Tea Event”

    • diamondmx says:

      FPS remake console port…coffee.
      I, uh, think I stretched it too far.

    • Gnoupi says:

      @jhng – oh, me too, now. With slow-motion occurring on the key moments, like when you put the bag, and when to take it away. Do it too early, and you have only water. Do it too late, and it’s too strong in taste, so don’t miss your QTE.

  7. Premium User Badge

    Bluerps says:

    I don’t know. It seems to me like they thought “Hey, our coffee seems to be fairly popular – maybe we could sell some of it over the Internet. “, and since they are a gamer cafe, the coffee is now gamer coffee. If they were a cafe for pen&paper roleplayers, they would have probably sold it as “9d6 flavor bonus”, or if they were a cafe for florists it would have been called it “9 flower bouquet”, or something.

    I think it’s a cafe – not some big company which tries to sell low-quality food for a high price by writing “gamer” on it.

    • steviesteveo says:

      I think it’s a cafe – not some big company which tries to sell low-quality food for a high price by writing “gamer” on it.

      I thought the suggestion was that it was a small to medium sized business that sells apparently good quality food (can’t comment, never personally tried it) for a high price by writing “gamer” on it.

      The ~1/167th of the price that goes to charity looks petty, though. That seems very cynical.

    • Premium User Badge

      Bluerps says:

      Ok, yeah. What I meant to put the emphasis on was the “not some big company” part.

      I don’t know the background for the price. Maybe the stuff is really that expensive.

  8. k.p says:

    in all honesty, I’ve seen Loading grow since the start, so I’m glad to see his hard work finally get somewhere, its not a major corp. Just a guy with a love for games. It annoys me that the coffee is branded “Gamer-Coffee” as it’s just damn good coffee, in reto-game packaging. Nowhere on it does it say its specifically for Gamers – I think the Gamer Coffee is something Firebox implied. Price wise ask Firebox why their mark-ups so high. Buy it from the guy himself it’s £7. Would’ve been nice John if you’d contacted Mr.D before you pulled that statement out, could’ve got yourself sent a free can so you could actually write something informed before slating someone’s efforts. Cheers!

    • sneetch says:

      That is a hell of a markup alright! £7 sounds quite reasonable to me.

    • KikiJiki says:

      Sir, implying that John Walker enjoys anything less than the finest bourbon totally shatters my mental image of him.

    • DainIronfoot says:

      Loading is just that place you see as you stumble out the back of Chainlocker right? :P

    • manveruppd says:

      £7 IS a lot more reasonable, but I don’t see a link to buy it from their site, so unless you live in Cornwall…. :)

  9. halbarad says:

    I find it odd that it’s the console player shouting raids. Yes, that’s the ONLY thing I’ve picked up from that site and there aint a chance in hell i’m buying that coffee. I’ll stick to buying Twinings Tea, Coffee and Swiss Hot Chocolate.

    • GinLogic says:

      Then you shall forever be drinking poor quality products :)

  10. Museli says:

    NINE different beans? Well, I guess if they just used one or two quality ones it’d probably cost closer to £30. Also no mention of Fairtrade, just Firebox stating the beans are ‘ethically sourced’, which means nowt from a legal standpoint.

    I will continue to drink my usual, five-times-cheaper coffee. I’m glad I’ve discovered Special Effect, though. We do a lot of fundraising for small charities at work, and I now have a great suggestion for this year’s charity of choice.

    • drinkrelaxplay says:

      Glad we’ve helped spread the great work of Special Effect!

      The reasons behind us avoiding a commercialised ‘fairtrade’ blend: our coffee is indeed economically sourced with it being purchased at a fair market value – rather than one that has been signed up to years prior. Each farm we’ve brought off is still in business and we have the details of wages because we care about what we do.

      Having a long term employee who visited South America he spoke to places first hand about the problems they had having to pay to go through the process to become Fairtrade.

      It’s a complex issue but much like Rainforest Alliance certification, a tag doesn’t mean it’s all it says it is
      link to cuca.org.uk

      Sorry for preaching – Jimmy, Loading

    • Buceph says:

      Fairtrade isn’t as admirable as it portrays itself, at least for their coffee. The application process can cost a fortune, and is way above what a small coffee grower can afford, so it’s mainly medium to large sized businesses that go through the process. Fairtrade locks in prices years in advance, with exemptions should the quality fall below a certain standard but no rewards for better quality. Fairtrade pays a minimum price to the producer but how the producer spends it, while in some ways monitored is actually quite free to engage in practices that would stop any “trickle down.”

      The problem with engaging with only medium to large sized plantations is that they’re not concerned with growing good coffee but simply lots of coffee for the cheapest price. It’s the smaller guys you need to go to get the really high quality beans.

      Locking in prices years in advance means that there’s no incentive for the growers to produce a better bean, improve their facilities or move to anything other than the most cost effective production method. Again, when they lock out the smaller producer with redtape, and lock in prices, the guys who could make the really good quality beans are ignored for minimum across-the-board production.

      With the monitoring of the growers, independent buyers are much freer to engage with producers in a way they prefer. And there are a lot of extremely ethical buyers out there. People who are concerned with getting the best coffee, and are willing to pay proper amounts to ensure they set up long term links with a facility that can keep providing them with quality coffee beans over the years. And their ethical standards can engage fully with a producer, from ensuring the best farm workers are retained because they get paid proper wages, to ensuring that sustainable farming methods are used to ensure the soil (as important to coffee as “terroir” is to wine production) and environment can be maintained over a prolonged relationship.

      Fairtrade is a big brand, that has a lot of redtape and I believe is quite innefficient for what they claim to do. There are a huge number of small coffee buyers/importers/roasters/distributors (and many of whom are involved in the entire supply chain) who make their money from the best beans available, and encourage farmers to grow the best stuff over a many year relationship.

  11. Hoaxfish says:

    Where’s my gaming tea? and gaming scones?

    • Koozer says:

      Hoaxfish, amorpheus: we must right this terrible wrong and found a gaming tea shop. Which of you two will buy the premises?

  12. Casimir Effect says:

    Bath has Jika Jika up on Georges Street. There’s nothing to do with gaming about the place but it’s a great place to grab a coffee.

  13. westyfield says:

    They do a cocktail called Deus Ex on the Beach. All my objections to this coffee silliness melt away in the face of that.

  14. amorpheous says:

    I’m a tea drinker. You lose, Loading.

  15. pigchicken says:

    I’m down here studying in Falmouth and have seen Loading many times, although only entered once. While being a novel idea, the deliverance is lacking, careful what you wish for, John, it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be.

    • drinkrelaxplay says:

      Sorry your not a fan Pigchicken, being a one man UCF graduate start up is the reason we’ve not yet taken over Remedies or the empty Woolworths, had to start smaller scale to get started.

      Did you come to either of our club nights last year? (Letting us do things on a decent scale with a live DJ etc)

    • DainIronfoot says:

      Shades is empty too, and just on the other side of the street. Some sort of tunnel could be in order..

  16. Roshin says:

    Coffee is for the lower classes, though. How about some civilized tea?

  17. tintreas says:

    This is so funny: “And I’m also somewhat put off by their front page suggestion that LA Noire is an example of high-brow gaming.”

    I painted the picture you’re referring to. I’d read a ludicrously poncy article about La noire and decided it would be fun to draw a face for it. It was nice of Jimmy/Loading to put it on the front page.
    I’m not a gamer but I am an illustrator, if you’d like to fuel your hatings further or hire me for any visualising you may be in need of, you can find me at:

    http://www.tintreas.co.uk or
    http://www.tintreas.blogspot.com

    I’m also always avaliable for coffee or a few rounds of Gals panic. Keep trolling!

    Love
    Faye xxx