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Bad Old Games: The 7th Guest Is Unleashed Once More

Oh just fuck off.

Everyone has at some point taken a pop at the first G of GOG’s acronym. Megarace? Postal 2? Alone In The Dark 4? Then just when you want to campaign they should just call it “Old Games”, they bring us a Syndicate, a Thief, a Deus Ex. So today’s announcement? Which way will it go? Up or down? Great or hate?

Pllrrrrrbbbbbbbbb. The 7th Bloody Guest.

People who like 7th Guest are like people who think Taco Bell is great Mexican food, because they’ve never eaten Mexican food. Or people who say instant coffee is fine, when they’ve never had Italian espresso. People who are idiots, is what I mean. It was such a stinking pile of crap, that people pretended was amazing because it contained FMV characters projected on a pre-rendered background. And sure, in 1993 those were new things, brought by the advent of the CD-ROM as a means of carrying a game. I remember getting it then, all my fifteen years so excited by the prospect of this new technology, and then being faced with a puzzle in which I had to CUT UP A SODDING CAKE.

Ooooh, but the cake was covered in gravestones! Spooooooky!

And the acting. Oh heavens, the acting. Well, take a look:

It’s a bunch of really crappy puzzles strung together with some of the most objectionably awful FMV and Myst-like swooping movement, that should be burned on a pyre, not re-released as a classic.

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John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founders of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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