Masses and Masses Of Mass Effect 3 Trailers

I can’t wait for Mass Effect 3. I’m replaying ME2 to make sure I get the perfect starting point. I’m planning to buy the new Mass Effect: Deception novel and go through it making corrections in ANGRY RED PEN. I’m even pitching the official musical version of the story, featuring amazing lyrics like “Spectres don’t fear the Reapers. Nor do Garrus, Tali or Thane…”

What I’m not doing is watching any of the trailers or reading any previews. I want to dive in knowing as little as possible about the new plot, characters, locations, even guns. If you crave a pre-release hit though, good news! Bioware has released five brand new trailers, which I’ve embedded below while keeping my eyes shut. From the odd unavoidable glimpse, it does look as if they mostly feature some boring guy wearing Shepard’s armour, but fret not – there’s another coming where the real heroine of the series will finally get her spotlight…


Fake Spoiler #1: If you have a Kinect camera, your own gurning face will be shown when Tali opens her helmet, a bit like the God thing at the end of Star Trek V.

Fake Spoiler #2: The Illusive Man finally decides that’s not a sinister enough name to build an empire around, and decides to see if he can do it again as “Great Satan Murderstein”

Fake Spoiler #3: Shepard falls in love with a Reaper. Asked for ‘compatibility’ advice, Mordin decides that he’s officially out of his league and quits the team in shame.

Fake Spoiler #4: The final act is set on a snow planet, post Normandy SR-2 crash. You have to decide which crewmates to eat first. It is guaranteed to make you cry. Also, hungry.

Fake Spoiler #5: Shepard accidentally travels to the planet Ilum instead of Ilium. “Bloody Bioware naming…” she tells an oddly familiar sounding Republic Trooper.


  1. Creeping Death says:

    “I’m replaying ME2 to make sure I get the perfect starting point. I’m planning to buy the new Mass Effect: Deception novel and go through it making corrections in ANGRY RED PEN”

    And now we know the inspiration for this strip link to

    • dontnormally says:

      I think RPS commented on this story before Penny Arcade made that strip.

    • Dhatz says:

      make it online, like poeple do with drawing.

  2. iARDAs says:

    This reminds me that I need to purchase Mass Effect 2.

    I finished ME1 few months ago on Origin and excited to carry my save game to the second one.

    • mouton says:

      While ME2 isn’t horrible and does improve on ME in terms of gameplay and some annoyances, it is a letdown in terms of story quality and overall logic. Still fun, but it was enough to make me not purchase ME3 on day 1 or for any sizable sum of money, unless my mother recommends it to me or something.

    • lzaffuto says:

      The overarching plot of Mass Effect 2 (stopping the collectors) was not as compelling to me as the overarching plot of Mass Effect 1 (stopping Saren). However, I still enjoyed it, and overall I enjoyed Mass Effect 2 more. Mass Effect 2 had more exploration, with more detailed planets to visit and more non-plot related missions that showed you more of the universe at large. If Mass Effect 1 was a movie, Mass Effect 2 is a TV series. Combat also became less of a chore to do between story and a lot more fun, IMO. My biggest worry about Mass Effect 3 is that they will get so involved in the plot about the war with the Reapers that they will not have any exploration and cool places to see other than the main plot of stopping the reapers. They may even penalize you with a time limit if you don’t stop the invasion soon enough which will leave no time to do anything but main story quests if you want the “best” ending.

  3. Premium User Badge

    Bluerps says:

    I don’t have the time to fully replay ME2. :(
    But I’m playing the DLC right now, and I reacquainted myself with the Normandy crew, and walked around on Omega and other places. I’ll manage.

  4. JohnArr says:

    Ohh, the femshep from halfway through video 3 has a lovely new haircut… I mean, guns! Explosions! Yeah! woo!

  5. qrter says:

    So.. will this one actually have a story again?

    • Jesse L says:

      Don’t feed the troll.

    • mouton says:

      Shepard, you need to leave the ship on a mission.

      But but what mission?

      Shepard, you need to leave the ship on a mission.

    • MSJ says:



    • Orija says:

      If by story you mean comic book level shit about a bunch of sassy people saving the world via deus ex machina, then yes it will have one.

    • ffordesoon says:


      So Mass Effect, then?

  6. Metonymy says:

    The thing I resent most of all about this portrayal of the future is the implication that we’re >still< going to be fighting with infantry and handheld weapons. We don't even do that now. This is an acceptable context when we're playing a stylized video game, but these games try to be SO REAL. There's no imagination whatsoever.

    • vecordae says:

      The thing I resent most about their potrayal of the future is that I, vecordae, am not a shining, golden god-king, striding atop a mechanical colossus built in the image of a tyrannosaurus. I’m in the game, but I’m just some random civilian casualty in the game’s opening chapter.

    • Hoaxfish says:

      Do we not generally still use infantry in city-fights? Obviously supported by spy-drones/air units, etc, sure, but still feet on ground.

      I don’t really know, but that’s what you see on TV

      Playing through ME1 this week, they even mention that women have still not gained acceptance as front-line combatants… so there’s some weird “it’s modern day issues” going on, even though I think that one should probably have sorted it out by then.

      Now… the fact that nobody has pockets in the future, that’s stupid. Instead everything sticks to your armor.

    • The Tupper says:

      There’s a chap I know who’s recently returned from Afghanistan and would probably disagree with the OP.

    • Premium User Badge

      Joshua says:


      There is a resentment against women in front line roles in ME1? I thought the resentment was towards one woman in particular.

    • Hoaxfish says:

      I don’t mean by the players.

      Ashley Williams mentions, early on in ME1, how there’s still some resistance to the idea of women on the front. If I remember it’s a bit where she’s talking about how her relatives are all in the navy (or whatever she is) including her grandmother.

      This was as maleshep, if that makes anything difference (doubt it).

    • Zenicetus says:

      I think the focus on a small tactical team makes sense, as long as the missions are based on “finding mysterious clue X” that leads to the next plot development. You need an infiltration team to find the clue, you can’t just nuke it from orbit. Or send in the drone army. I don’t recall all the background lore, but after the Geth there’s probably an injunction about using robots.

      There were a few cases where Shepard gets jumped by bad guys out in an open area, where I thought it was silly that he (yes he, dammit) couldn’t call in a air strike from the Normandy to clear the path. Otherwise, I thought the idea of a small tactical team locating clues was a decent excuse for all the small arms combat.

      Also, of course, the Star Trek idea of an Away Team solving problems. There’s an awful lot of Star Trek rip-off…. er, I mean “homage” in this series.

  7. vecordae says:

    I’m seriously disappointed that none of these fake spoilers will come to pass. They would all add a great deal of enjoyment to my inevitable playthrough of the game.

  8. sneetch says:

    “shepard is a girl”


    /Vigorous fist shaking in general direction of RPS towers

  9. Tiax says:

    What the hell is Barney doing in this picture ?

    • sneetch says:

      It is Barney! Holy moly!

      I think you may just have spoiled the HL3/Portal-misfire crossover!

    • MSJ says:

      So RPS’s previous prediction is accurate after all!

  10. MSJ says:

    Is Kaidan not sweaty enough for you to recognise him, Mr Alt-Text?

    • Richard Cobbett says:

      Who? Sorry, that doesn’t ring a bell.

    • MSJ says:

      This reminds me of a joke.

      Have you heard of that soldier who was caught in a nuclear explosion on Viirmire? She’s Ash.

    • tungstenHead says:

      That’s not Alenko. Is it? He got handsome.

      Although he probably still sounds like a simpering wimp.

  11. Tyrone Slothrop. says:

    >You will never play a Mass Effect game with non-linear levels, full stealth/pacifist-playthrough capabilities and decent writing.


    • Hoaxfish says:

      Deus Effect: Mass Evolution?

    • Tyrone Slothrop. says:

      I just want more FPS-RPGs with relatively non-linear levels. ;_;

      I don’t mean to take it out on Mass Effect though I’m personally not a fan. Journalists of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I need you scholarly gentlemen to muckrake new details about Thief 4 and Dishonored. Summon the essences of I.F. Stone and Upton Sinclair and investigate the shit out of the respective developers.

    • Hoaxfish says:

      Oh I quite agree.

      I would suggest something like Fallout… but I’d like it not to be post-apocalyptic. Fallout, Metro, Resistance, even Deus Ex to some degree are sort of “horrible futures”, while Mass Effect seems quite “safe”… sure not as “safe” as Star Trek, or wild west as Star Wars… but vaguely metropolitan, drinking coffee “space future” with cool guns, and “not too fantasy” magic.

      Some sort of “Space cops” game, where you can bust space-drug gangs, and smugglers, and perform cargo inspections… or go dirty, and sell organs to the space-mafia.

    • Orija says:

      @Hoaxfish, Prey 2 is exactly that and is coming out this year. Yes, it’s okay if you want to cry glorious tears.

    • Zenicetus says:

      Yeah, Prey 2 sounds like the ticket, although I’m not sure there will be any pure pacifist options. I hope that turns out to be a good game. It looks promising.

      Breaking out of the FPS/RPG mold, I’d also like to see a Mass Effect spin-off where you could actually command a ship like the Normandy for random adventures and space battles. I mean actually taking control of the ship and crew, not just using it as a glorified taxi between missions, where you only see it in battle action during a cut scene. All that nice interior spaceship modeling, and you can’t do anything with it!

  12. Greg Wild says:

    Infantry combat certainly makes sense for certain operations; the kind Shepard is undertaking in ME1/2 by specialized agents is important. Plus here on Earth, counter-insurgency is wholly the preserve of small unit combat, and that wont change for a long time yet. Hard to speculate on things when we get to spaaaaaaaaace, naturally.

    Direct ground combat on a larger scale is definitely going the way of the dinosaurs. The future of Big Wars are in *small* drones (i.e. probably not giant mechs). That will *certainly* be the case in space wars I’d say. Keeping humans alive in space is hard, and a waste of resources when you can strap a small computer to a bomb and chuck it at the enemy.

    • Brun says:

      Keeping humans alive in space is hard

      While this is true currently, technology in the Mass Effect universe (as in most sci-fi universes) has advanced to the point where it’s not nearly as difficult or dangerous to travel in space as it is for real-life astronauts.

      It’s difficult to apply conventional, real-world military doctrine to science fiction for this precise reason. Modern military strategies are (necessarily) designed around contemporary or near-future technologies, so trying to apply them to fictional (or fantastical) technologies will usually result in some silliness.

  13. Jahnz says:

    I want to start by saying I’ve only ever played the ME2 demo. I just couldn’t really get into it, but I think that’s because I have trouble getting into anything with cut-scenes these days. That out of the way.

    Don’t they have nano-widgets and such? Why would you send a flesh and blood agent into a combat site when you could flood the place with a swarm of bots that could probably do everything the human could do but faster? I guess it’s sort of like the whole thing where they do space combat at visual range. Probably not realistic, but it’s much more dramatic and fun.

    • Hoaxfish says:

      Aren’t the Reapers and the Geth both “AIs gone wild”… not sure it’s the wisest thing to weaponise another bunch of mechanical beings.

    • Jahnz says:

      Sort of the Battlestar reason the future humans don’t have advanced AI then? Huh.

  14. dontnormally says:

    Petsmart will have the best pre-order bonus armor.

  15. Valvarexart says:

    Do you have any idea how angry I get when the trailer ends with “pre-order to get this gimick thing”? It just shows that they do not trust their game to be good enough after release. Everyone knows this, but it bears saying again.

  16. Arbodnangle Scrulp says:

    Regarding the omni-tool blade melee weapon, why the hell does a virtual weapon need to unfold?

    • Lazaruso says:

      Duh! Clearly even invisible holograms take up a lot of invisible space and thus must be made as compact as possible.

  17. Tei says:

    This loooks bloody fantastic, but I hope don’t devolve into Bulletstorms With Quick Time Events… I hope theres no a single quick time event, becase we have left behind the FMV lame world.

  18. ffordesoon says:

    Looks like Space Uncharted: The Game: The RPG.

    Which is pretty much what I want from the action bits, so that’s cool with me.

  19. Solidstate89 says:

    MaleShep is the only TrueShep. Everyone else can fuck off with their incorrect opinions.

    Yes, I said incorrect opinions.

  20. bill says:

    I’ve lost interest in Mass Effect 1. Does it get better after the beginning? Because the beginning was both dull and generic, and I didn’t like a single on of the main characters. Combat was annoying (and unwinnable, it seems if you visit a random planet where they kill you in seconds) and running around citadel station was boring and like a meh KotOR rip-ff.

    It’s the first Bioware RPG (played in sequence) that I haven’t enjoyed. Loved Kotor and enjhoyed jade Empire a lot… but this was just bland and unlikeable and dull.

    I bloody hope it gets better if you’re being forced to replay it.

    • Selix says:

      It might get slightly better in a few pivotal moments, but overall it’s not really impressive if you’ve played an older Bioware RPG. You get used to it though.

  21. Dhatz says:

    Nobel proze and respect if you explain how can teleportation only work for people and not as a weapon.

    • Lazaruso says:

      You’ve obviously never seen a vanguard teleport into an enemy soldier.